the best part starts
when i left you that note
not trying to push on any blame
not trying to say that you never meant anything
but i began to fall apart
and looking into the mirror began to do me no good
the longer i was with you,
the more i lost myself
and it wasn't your fault
that i became too consumed with you
and again, it wasn't your fault
that i lost myself within you
if you can love someone too much
then i loved you too much
maybe there wasn't any "healthy" way to love you
so i have to love you now from afar
for my sake and yours
but mostly for mine
because i miss myself
and all of the pieces i lost trying to love you too much
i couldn't keep dying
just trying to even hold your hand
so the best part starts
when i left you that note
and i went down to the river, alone
for hours, just by myself
and it was lonely, hell it was
but i loved too hard
now i'll do it from afar
Definition of Selfless: Putting others before yourself to the point where "you" don't matter anymore.
Definition of Pain: One of the two things that I believe all people have in common. The other thing? Love.
Definition of Love: --ERROR-- Lost in translation.
Definition of Nothing: Nothing...
Definition of Feeling You've got tons of it don't you?
Definition of Me: A personal title I call myself. Also known as "you" in a sense.
High and mighty and greater than "you".
Because "me", a self proclaimed name that doesn't deserve its definition. Because "I" am hurt, and in "pain", and out of "love", and too "selfless" to take care of "me". So that makes "me"...
I understand now that I am like a plant. You loved me but you always gave me too much water and it was killing me. You thought by doing this you were reassuring my health so that I would stay beautiful but it was just washing me out. You put me in the sunlight as much as possible even though I required low light so my leaves began to wilt and in turn you kept me in the sun longer thinking I wasn’t getting enough of its shine. Eventually you gave up and left me there, giving me water whenever you remembered and I was parched. Because it was either too much or not enough with you and your love. You never paid attention to my needs, only yours. You saw my flowers bloom and admired their beauty but I was never in bloom for long. For once my petals started to drop you were less than interested in me. Was it because I wasn’t as pure? As lovely? Maybe you just couldn’t see down deep enough into my roots to understand what I was really all about. Because I only flowered once every year and honestly I’m surprised I haven’t died yet because you took such poor care of me. The sunlight scorched my greens into a color of brown and as I grew older I finally died and you tried to bring me back with all the care I once needed but it was too late. Not that you really care though considering the only think you miss are my flowers in the spring. So on to the next one you go, and I’d feel bad if I wasn’t already dead inside because the next flower you pick won’t last as long as I, because the only reason I chose to stay alive is because I thought my life was worth living till it didn’t feel like living anymore.
Rush these days
of restless pacing
of watching the clock
with an anxious heart
waiting to seek reassurance
through your hands
laced with mine
These seconds away pass too slowly
and the hours with you
pass too soon
and I think too much
maybe I care too much...
- written 12.15.16
No program in brain
No chain to attain
No page to stain
No need to repeat
Issues to reheat
The past doesn't last
Speculation is murder
And the son of disorder
Like a drama recorder
Playing again and again
The anxiety's claws
From the head to the toes
In a circle it goes
Do not dislike something too much
Else it will follow you .
It will come after you ,
To bite you on your shoulder .
Do not like something too much ,
They are not going to stay .
They will not stick around
And then you will be left behind to mourn .
Do not speak too much ,
You are giving away many things .
Nor it is something endearing !
People around you might just move away .
Do not keep quiet too much ,
Others think that you do not care .
Or maybe you are such a snob !
It will keep you feeling lonely.
Do not think too much ,
Thing never go the way we think .
They happen the way no one has control over ,
Then why stress yourself so much ?
Too much is too dangerous !
Lets keep away from it . .
Lets enjoy bits of everything ,
For Too much is Too much Trouble .
sometimes it feels like the world is too much
like I have too many thoughts
like there's too much time
like I'm moving too fast
like I'm not moving fast enough
its hard to describe and hard to understand
I feel like I'm doing too much
but I'm also not doing enough
My soul envies my eyes, my heart longs to see
Just for one moment. For my eyes have done what I
Have failed to do: held you.
How long have I looked at you laugh
And cried inside? How have I drowned
I love you
From fighting to your lips but with my tears?
And yet I strive, I yearn, I hope
You will see me and
An envious heart in your chest might revolt;
I might inspire some holy endeavour in your soul
You look into my eyes, hold my gaze
I look away
You understand now
I was too open too fast and again you know me better
All of me was in my eyes but I couldn't find your heart
I suppose it wasn't there for me to find.