feel it tug at the edges
a cold fist gripping at a heart
every pump of your heart
circling blood through your veins
that will all spill
feel the scribble of thought
running ruthlessly
around in a fury,
previously forgotten
always feared
the melting flesh in your skull
overthinking
overthinking
killing slowly
as if you've lived a thousand years
as if you've seen the circle round
forgetting
forgetting
remembering
remembering
regret hearing
regret ignoring
spin your web of lies
feel the power,
words
have over your emotions
smash them down
**** them slowly
torture those feelings
till they are no more
don't pick up the tool
refuse to write your tale
don't come back
once you leave
there is no more
overthinking
overthinking
remembering
remembering
FORGET IT
remembering

I had a dream,
once when i was young,
of a tree
- a cherry tree
to be exact.
the tree's branches were covered
with white cherry blossoms.
they danced in the wind
and sang
and laughed.
all except one,
very out of place flower.
It was white,
yes,
just as all the others.
but it told all who would listen:
i'm a apple blossom
and they said back laughing and teasing
silly cherry, you're a cherry blossom
the cherry blossom tried to explain
how it knew it was what it was.
after so much laughter
and rejection,
the cherry went silent.
but every night it'll whisper to itself
i am an apple blossom
i am an apple blossom
i am an apple blossom
one day it tried again
and again
they laughed
and, in sheer desperation,
the cherry blossom picked itself
and
      f
        e
          l
            l,
to the ground.
its petals opened
to revel ,what the cherry blossom
had known all along.
a huge apple had been hidden
behind petals of an apple blossom.

I saw the train coming before everyone else.
Yet I ignored the rumble of the train tracks.
I said the whistle of the train
Was nothing but the wind.
I saw the train coming.
Yet said nothing.
Because no one would have heeded my warning.
No one wishes to believe that
the one who bares ill news
Is telling the truth.

Hush my little one
And sleep
I promise not to leave you
And to watch over your Sleeping form
In moonlight or day
Not a wink
I will sleep
While you still slumber
I blunder and cry
And apologize
My sweet little baby
I tried to leave again
But it was your smiling face
I remembered
In my dark hours
And I came back for you
I'll never leave you.
My shooting star

I'm tired of being the
                               loudest
when I suffer in
                      silence.
I'm tired of being the
                             happiest
when I fail the
                                                 hardest
I'm tired of smiling the
                                   biggest
when I shed the
                       largest
tears

I'm tired of laughing the
                                        most
when I whimper
                                                       alone
I'm tired of being the
                                         loveable one
when I'm the one
                       casted aside

I'M TIRED
of being a doormat
of holding everything in
of Forgiving
of hurting
of APOLOGIZING
of hating  myself for caring

I'M TIRED
of acting like everything's okay
of not being able to trust  anyone

I'm so tired
but I know I'll never stop
being the doormat
for the world

Watch the leafs blow across the ground
Around in circles they go
One falls out
And I feel bad for it
Then the wind pushes back
Lucky little thing
And then I see the one waiting
for a wind that'll never come
Poor litte thing
All alone
just like me

Don't cut again
Just pick at your skin
Sit on an anthill
Rub you hand over badly cut wood
***** your finger while sewing
Scratch your arms and legs till they bleed
Lie and say
"It was an accident."

Don't cry again
BANG your head in to the wall
Smile when your dying
Dig your fingernails into your shoulders
Bit your lip
And when they ask
"Are you okay"
Lie and say
"I'm okay"

Don't get angry again
Just nod
Smile
Agree
Obey
Lie and say
"I'm not angry."

Don't expect an apology again
Just choke back the disappointment
And your tears
Whisper
Lie and say
"I'm sorry."

Don't expect a opinion
Stay quiet
Listen
Nod
Lie and say
"Your right"

Don't expect approval
Just sit
Stay quiet about what you do
When they ask
"What do you do."
Lie and say.
"Nothing"

Sooner or later
You won't have to lie and say
Anything to anyone
About anything you do
But for now
Lie and say
Everything
Life is easier and
You get better at lieing that way

I miss you
I need you
I'm dying without you
But I don't love you
I loathe you
I despise you
i want you gone
but I don't hate you
i think your wrong
i think your right
i think your really ******* bright
i think your the dumbest ******* I've ever met
i think you let people use you
and I think you use people too
I think your awesome
I think your horrible too
and most of all
I wish you'd stop talking to me

To free you from all the pain
I would stand, all day,
In the freezing ice-cold rain.

hey
i miss writing to you
i miss trusting you with everything
i know its not your fault you gave my secrets away
but is happened and i can't trust you anymore,
my dear friend
you've been there forever
but no more
looks like the walls staying up
don't worry your worn spine about me
i'll be okay
and you can rest in peace
i have your ashes hidden well
i know burning you was overkill
but i had to
remember forever though
that for years on end you were my one and only friend
and i love you
dear diary

love,
me

Its funny
how we make fun of everything.
the homeless guy down the street,
that odd kid in English class,
that random person that walks by,
clothing we see in the store window,
our friends,
our family,
ourselves.

Ain't it funny
how we poke fun at people
without truly understanding them.
never understanding how
even the dumbest joke
can hurt.

Ain't it funny?
yes
yes it is
until laughter
turns to tears

Why reveal desire
when fire
could keep you sane

why reveal sorrow
when ice can stop tomorrow

why reveal a dream
when a nightmare
is so much closer to the truth

why reveal hope
when regret last forever

why reveal anything
when people care about nothing

If I were to travel
around the world
would you believe then
any of my words?

i will
he assured her
I'd hate to see you hurt
nothing ever hurts me
he told her
believe me*
I believe you*
she did too.
she believed him

She sat alone
hair covered her blue, blue eyes
she stared out into the dark
like she could see something
that no one else could see.
with each step forward, another petal
fell
from her rose.

I welcome the dark with open arms
along with that familiar feeling
the loneliness never bothered me anyway
I'm ready to let this go
no one can hurt you
when no ones around at all

I welcome nothing
but emptiness and dead, cold silence
step back from my grave
this is my home

born here
and I'm never gonna leave.
I'm ready to let this go
the loneliness never bothered me anyways

Yes, i suspected
no, I didn't know
yes, I feel bad
no, I have nothing to say
yes, I understand
no, I don't have time for sorrow
yes, I prayed
no, I never believed
yes, I feel
no, I won't express
yes, I will miss
no, I won't tell
yes, I love
no, I can't bring myself to hate
yes, I dream
no, I don't dream good
yes, I sleep
no, I don't sleep well
yes, I think
no, I will never speak.
yes and no, that is the truth.

I listen to all
yet follow few
tall or small
whatever the feud

I am an equalizer
the teller of truth
but when it comes to my own
believe me when I say
I'm just as lost as you

People take great risk
for understanding
but when asked
to understand
they refuse with haste
what a waste
for if we risk
to understand
we bring understanding in our wake

Real tears
what are they?
pain boiled inside out
bottled together waiting
pressure building
held inside till the time is wrong
then released

real tears
do not come cheap
they come with weakness
with giving up
with lies
with scars

real tears
mean you've lost the game
your done surviving

real tears
I refuse to shed ever
especially not for you

I WILL NOT CRY FOR YOU!
*sobs

My friend told me to believe
or i would witness the end
why would you want to miss the end of the world?
Imagine the beauty of the flames
raging in tremendous harmony.
The icy cold wind blowing down
demon after demon,
water rising, taking shape,
charging forth to meet the nightmare in front,
who's features are distorted by
the blazing inferno dancing crudely around the darkness in the center.
Why should I miss such glory?
A poet would cry tears of joy at the sight, soaking in the awesome spectacle.
even at the door of death

I'm so tired of the insults
the hints too...
coming from the ones,
I want to believe in me
I wanna make proud

I'm so tired of being called stupid
called an idoit
told I'm a b**
ugly...

I'm tired of loving
people who insult my pride
but can't stop caring
can't stop thinking
my problems are small
theirs are bigger
I can hold this in
its my job.
no crying allowed ever
not even alone
but...

every word sets a scar a new
upon a broken heart
every teardrop from their eyes
kills me softly
every drop of blood from the smallest of wounds
destroys me

I keep trying to take everything
the pain
the sorrow
and leave only happiness
it burdens me so...
but for some reason
I love it
maybe because its grown on me.
and its fond of me now...
it does the one thing I've always wanted
it doesn't let me go without throwing a
prideful glance
my way.

You are angry
and I understand why.
you lost your love
again.
plenty of other fishes
but their all so different from him
and while I lost my forth shot at a father
I can tell your pains worse
so I'll stay silent
and write alone.

your saddened
and I understand why
you lost your shot too
but you got along so great
and he always said how much you were like him
But your problems are bigger
so I'll stay within my mind
and write the pain away

you have your own problems
and I'll support you
deal with your outbursts of anger and regret
and take all of it
I'll let you yell
I hope you yell at me
don't keep it bottled within your soul
let it go
and I'll take it gladly
if it means you'll smile
a real smile again

My heartbeat is faint
I can't compete
all these voices make it so hard to forget about them
I'm choking on my own kindness

my fears
my tears
are always overpowered by yours

insults you throw


Why do you always insult me?
never anyone else?
I want to cry every time
your my family
your a adult
a parent
airhead
blonde
stupid
you don't even know what your doing
neither do the others
but it still hurts

it's not just you anymore
it now bonces around inside my head
beating me down
it's all in good fun
I know but it still hurts

Sisters fight
we do indeed
sisters fight for each other
I fight for you
sisters love each other
I'm not sure if you do
sisters are always there
yeah to laugh at you while you're slapped around
sisters care
so much for that

Men are monsters
Women are liars
boys are cheats
girls are pathetic
teens somewhere between
humans
There is no hope
we're all filled with evil and sin

I never knew
how beautiful the moonlight was
till I saw it reflected through your marble eyes

I never knew
how brightly the stars shine
till I saw them in red

I never knew
how lovely the dark was
till your hand went cold

I never knew
how lonely a blue moon felt
till your lips turned gray

I never knew
how glorious an owls hoot was
till it came weak and feeble from your mouth

I never knew
how much I needed you
my protector
my friend
my bully
my voice
my strength
till your wings fell still in blood soaked palms

I found a hero
within the burnt pages
of fallen wisdom  
hidden deep
within the tale
unknown to all
within the shadows of moonlight
and she knew my name

spoken clearly
heard as certainly as a shadow's howl
as loud as a owls dive
its sounded like the rose's perfume

I found sanity
within a mad man
I found hatred
within tenderness
I found rage
within a girl's soul
I found strength
within me
and most importantly
I found hope
within the pages of a gray evergreen

Some times she wishes she could fly
to her daddy's arms
he would hold her and tell her she's beautiful
and he'd mean every word
he'd kiss her forehead and tell her she's loved
and he'd be telling the truth
he'd swing her around and tell her she's daddy's little girl
and he'd never let her down

but its just a dream
no ones coming to stand up for his little girl
no ones holding her
no body gonna know the tears hide right behind her smile

all this girl has is a box of ashes and broken promises
and you can't hug a box
her hearts a block of rock
all she has is daydreams
and daydreams aren't real
death is real
lies are real
if you ask her what she believes love is
she tell you its a fairy tale
love walks with dragons
love fly's with fairies
love dances with unicorns
and talks with butterflies
love is your imagination
love is false

but she still wishes she could fly.

Lifes trying to **** me
but I'm starting to feel that,
for the first time ever,
I may just make it through...
cuz I'm walking it with you.

I know I've been looking the wrong way
I've been trying,
trying for all my days
for something i know
is never going happen
no matter what they say.
that one day I'm gonna be perfect
that one day practice will make me:
perfect,
perfect in every way
but i know the truth now;
see I've been practicing and practicing every day
yet it always ends
the exact same way.
you didn't try
try hard enough
well how much is enough?

so maybe I'm not perfect
but you know what they say:
perfect is just too boring
to live with everyday.

in the mirror*
I loved you alone
I missed you before
I want you calm
I drown you discreetly
I loathe you endlessly
I need you first
I remember you greatly
I see you hiding
I call you indignity
I cuss you justly
I think you kidding
I have you lone
I forgive you momentarily
I wish you nothing
I hate you openly
I bind you permanently
I doubt you quickly
I trust you recklessly
I hurt you spitefully
I know you too
I find you useless
I leave you voiceless
I declare you worthless
I vote you XL
I give you yourself
I will you zealous
I always see you number 2

Sometimes,
I lose track
and find myself wondering
and I find it hard
to convince myself to come back

I love the places off the path
care free days
no trying to swim
in a boiling bath

but, my mother groans
and my father laughs
they say stay on the road
and all my sorrows and woes
settle back, deep in my bones

In the land of silk
goods traded hands-
cotton, ivory, wool, gold, and silver -
down one stretch of land

a down side to this trade
that led to much disarray
was the bandits and disease
that also traveled this way

One day I decided
to walk out that door
and see what places the word had in store
I traveled to and fro
for years on end
but somehow, someway
I always recalled this place
I remember how i left
without uttering a word
and disappeared faster
than a frightened bird
i regretted it so that i returned
but, and i swear upon my word.
that they-
they forget all about me
and took down my picture

Happiness never seems to ******* last
in the future,
in the past.
happiness never seems to care its left too early
happiness is a ***** that leaves you hanging
then stabs you in the chest
and claims that it's all for the best
in conclusion:
happiness is a ******* *******
but a loveable *** at that

My days have been all cloud and no sun
like a ribbon from a single young woman,
who's love was fresh
who's hope was right beside her
who's pride was in her friendly appearance
torn and tattered in the winds of change
chaos rains within a shattered heart

But time has tore away all the love in her soul
broken promises have ****** out all her hope
lies, betrayals, misused trust have turned her pride to dust
the wall has grown all around her
darkness in on her
pressing down upon a weakened young woman,
driving her to hidden tears
to hidden anger fits
but she's stronger than she looks

you would never believe this of this young lady
if you saw her
if you spoke to her
a long time ago you may have saw it in her eyes
but now she's mastered the art of the mask
she's mastered the art of hiding
of building walls
of not crying no matter what

she didn't shed a tear when her auntie died
she didn't let even one fall when the nightmares came for her
just like she knew they would from loving
she didn't tear up when her world was broken in one short summer
no she's not cold she's just acting cold
she wants you to think she is
so you won't become another reminder
of how much love is an enemy
cuz its kinder to let her heart go without love
than to tease it with the possibility of love

Poets write sad
poets write happy
but what do we do
when two points of view
come crashing to?
why we write and write some more
till we can write no more
for joy brings pain
and pain brings joy
the balance isn't there
so how can a poet help
but be gay?

See me twinkle!
see me shine!
see me here,
up high in the sky.
who am I?
guess! Guess!
who am I?
Am I from the other side?
am I the light from a star long past,
or am I an alien ship,
coming to land?

see me twinkle!
see me shine!
see me here,
in heaven or hell
who am I?
guess! Guess!
who am I?
am I from the crossroads of misery?
am I the light at the end of the tunnel,
or am I an idea,
revolting around a single notation?

see me twinkle!
see me shine!
see me here,
waiting,just for you
who am I?
guess! Guess!
who am I?
am I from your head?
am I the light in a lover's eye,
or am I the voice,
that kills you softly inside?

see me twinkle!
see me shine!
see me here,
inside your mind.
who am I?
guess! Guess!

who am I?
do you know?
Who am I to you?
who am I?
who am I?
don't you wish you knew?

Don't worry!
I'll tell you!
come close!
let me whisper it to you:
*I'm you, I'm you in a nutshell.

She said
its nighttime
he told her
that's what I meant
may I have it?
what for?
I'd like to hang it up on my wall
he looked at her in amazement.
*I was hoping you'd share it with me

Why do parents name their children?
accidentally branding them
stressing them with something
they must strive to be

naming a child Joy
who has none
but because you branded her
she must be it
or let down the image her parents had
of a girl full of Joy

Naming a child hope
she feels she must give it
but none to call her own

Name a child Raven
she must play the part
and forever quote nevermore

Name a child Angel
they must be no less than perfection  itself
failure kills them.

name a child faith
and she feels she must have it
in everyone
in everything
and it always ends in a broken heart
always ends in tears
because every fear
has come true
like a curse sent from hell

name a child
for what?
to encourage them?
ha
what a laugh

name a child Todd
they may wish they were a Sara
name a child Sara
they may desire they  were a Todd

In conclusion:
Don't name a child
nickname after knowing them
after loving them
just wait
they'll find themselves in time.

don't brand them
teach them
kiss them
love them
encourage their personal interest
one day they'll know
and
*when they know you'll know,
you know?

Lost in a spider's maze
a mind set ablaze
lost in a ocean of self hatred
slowly dying with no wish to live

but see that light?
it's coming for you
there's someone waiting for you
someone who needs you
someone who will miss you
someone who will cry every night your gone -
physically or mentally
who would never forget
you
or any memory made with you
someone who would perish without you
Don't forget someone cares
someone always cares
trust me I know
she cares, someone cares

An empty promise
flouts on the breeze
stopping time to time
to remember the soft lips of who it left
to, one day, bring forth toxic tears

childish tears
over a lie, they had to tell
broken for your best
sick and tired of throwing your heart in the dark

a chance to end the hurt
a chance to end the acid tears that burn as they fall
a loaded gun
a shotgun blast
for a single second of light

a chance to say goodbye
a chance to walk away
- from the dark
a chance to put your heart down
a chance to blind your eyes,
so that you need never
read the book of pain again

but something breaks that thought
something makes you realize dying today
isn't the way
a shot won't do good
that bit of light's cost is too great

so you think
I'll stay here a bit longer
I'll dance in this dark abyss
broken and alone,
invisible to the world
and do the best I can
for as long as I can

and you'll always wonder
what was it?
what was it that made you stay?
what made you put that gun down?
Because Hope seems like too small a word.

Despair and leap
into the cloud of fog
mouth shaped in a silent scream
rain masks the regret that falls from her eyes
will she survive?

her headstone bares her last words
spoken as an angle fell
*i want to live

I promise not to cry
I promise not to let you see me sad
I promise to be the strong one, always
I promise to take the blame
- without complaint
I promise to be there holding you
I promise to pat your back
I promise to be the shoulder you can cry on
I promise to not let you see a single teardrop
I promise to hold it in
I promise to force it down
I promise to lie and say I'm ok
I promise to miss you
I promise to sing to you
I promise to pretend every things ok
when my hearts broken inside my breast
when I wanna cry:
I promise not to cry

monsters hide in every shadow
at least thats what they say
but what about the demons that lurk inside
are you sure their evil?

is the murderer truly horrible
for the death she's caused
or is there something else amiss
something that eats his humanity
leaving no mercy?
something that grips at her heart
till its broken inside her breast?
something that told them
that watching and causing death was beautiful
and  "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"

they may find the glazed eyes,
the broken wings of a raven beautiful
but then again they killed
is it truly wrong?
or just a mess of gray?

**** love
**** life
**** friends
**** happy
**** sunshine and daisies
**** people
**** poetry
**** caring
**** trying
it all just screws you over in the end

I'm sorry for whatever I did
to make you not care
I'm sorry for whatever
made me disposable
I'm sorry for
everything I did wrong
I'm sorry
I wasn't good enough

I'm sorry
I'm a horrible person
I'm sorry for
failing you
I'm sorry for whatever
made them better than me
I'm sorry for whatever I did
and am apologizing for.

Look in my eyes
and you will see the pain love hides

look into my heart
and you will see- there is no art

look at my soul
and you will see a lost duel

look at all three...
and find a burning ache for thee