Crack smiles when crack vials are in your possession
now you're losing teeth, losing sleep, losing friends
your self worth is cheap, throw fits and catch disease
lost memory, so you cant even reminisce
share needles and pipes, the only time your generous
skiing on a downward *****, no one there to lift you when you fall
you reach the bottom, you don't see that brick wall
when you do finally see it, it'll be too late to stop
'crash' now your on the ground with bricks on top

I always come to you when i’m tired of life
Sticks and stones break bones, words cut like a knife
Sometimes i can’t sleep, i lie awake in my bed
Staring at the sky, dark, like the thoughts in my head
I, often, wonder what happens to the soul when you die
Does it roam free in paradise..can it walk, can it fly?
Will i see my grandparents, uncle, and father there?
Will anyone on earth even notice or care?
Will my body just rot on this bed that i made
While memories of me so soon they will fade
The answer to these questions, i won’t know for a while
So i’ll keep pretending as i walk around with a smile
Because i don’t have the guts to put a blade to this wrist
And i don’t have a gun to blow my brains into bits
So, i’ll keep living the same day every day
And turn to you when i have something to say
Because it’s you i come to when i’m tired of life
Sticks and stones break bones, words cut like a knife..

Working 6 days a week
can barely pay my bills,
Can’t even fall asleep
w/o taking all these pills,
Can’t remember the last time
i felt high spirited,
I just take your emotion
and i mirror it,
So if you see me smiling
i’m only showing teeth,
On the inside
there’s a constant state of grief,
Been dealing with death and loss
for as long as you’ve been alive,
My life’s been on a downhill spiral
since my dad died,
I’m convinced i’’ve been cursed,
since the day of my birth
been stuck in reverse,
every single day is worse
than the day prior,
People ask if i'm ok
i say 'yes' but i'm a **** liar,
Ain’t no sunshine where i stay,
these clouds that follow me
are always gray,
I have no clue
the last time these skies were blue,
I'll live in solitude
until my soul decides to fly the coop

Ate a plate of whey, with the weight of the nation
on my shoulder blade, away from any destination
so underpaid, my paychecks archaic
not even a quarter to go to arcades with
it’s outrageous!
misery must be contagious
haven’t seen happy faces in ages
It may just be time to vacate
break out like rosacea to the golden gate
every swig of this whiskey brings me to a bolder state
like Colorado
i weighed my options and hopped in my Silverado
like a desperado full of bravado
with the bottle, feeling tipsy now though
singing in staccato ‘**** an intervention’  
time to get uncertain,
speed full throttle towards the intersection  
laughing and swerving
through the red light cursing
and yelling interjections
with a bottle of bourbon
horns blaring, it’s deafening
my ******* ascending
just struck a deaf person
no ***** giving
i’m out of my mind, livid
get hired and fired in 5 minutes
from any job i was given
i’m tired of living
no one even knew i existed
until i started whizzing through traffic
causing collisions,
now i’m forcing decisions
on residents w/ moral convictions
who’d rather see me oral constricted
then remain mortal in prison
got these ******* endorsing petitions
to have me executed by poison injection
shot, hung, electrified, the above all mentioned
and did i mention-
My backseat looks like a knife convention
there’s an array of switchblades i had since fifth grade’s declension
Sketching art on the desk while serving detention
some kind of wonderful, no eternal reflection
i’m reflecting as i smashed into a connection
and see my reflection in the water
as i’m descending slow motion like deception
my body is in all different positions of flexion
this is met with favorable reception
hear the crowd’s exhilaration
i’m unwilling to indulge in anymore retrospection
just waiting to hear the splash
and waves crash then….

Running out of options it seems
Need a get rich quick scheme
Flip 16s or sell drugs to rich teens
to sick fiends.
Need to get greens by any basic means
My head feels like a split screen
I can either work two jobs like a modern day sucker
Or rob and steal mother ******* for my supper.
Debating which route I should take
Go to work with a smile that's fake
Or on the streets grabbing all I can take
Careful not to make any mistakes
So I don't spend all my days running from jakes
I can't be locked in a place with no escape getting ***** by a biggie smalls look a like
I need to book a flight
Get out the hood tonight

She's got a nice ****
but she's anything but nice

It’s a wrap like turban
i’m from a city, it’s urban
******* rushing to see me like it’s urgent
i need a definition for insurgent
so i can insert it into this freestyle to keep it going like surgeons
i hate to be washed up, detergent
before i even finish lyrically purging
i know right now you’re probably hissing and cursing
but later you’ll be shouting encouraging words,
i spit until i’m submerged and
holding my breath til my lungs hurting
i apologize for any inadvertence
don’t even know for certain
what i’ll be blurting next
going off the top like machetes to necks
May i add,
Don’t make me an accessory
just ‘cause you’ll **** for accessories that you see in ads
you’re the opposite of right, hypotenuse
yeah, 'you’re next', bring it, i will tighten noose
This is a freewritten, just going with the flow
keep punching keys until i can no longer scroll
don't know how to end this, so i'm just gonna go
and say farewell
drink more Ale and inhale till i begin to ail
if you're gonna die anyway, minus well

I haven't lived a day in my life
Just been existing
Trapped in this bubble
like these words I write
The ink nestled
between blue lines
wishing to be whispers
traveling free
through the air
like the breeze i feel on cold benches

I feel like (hip) hopping over the (know)ledge
and free(style) falling into a poets notebook
take me with you on that train (of thought)
going to the shore so i can surf the (brain) waves that flow like a tsunami..
i’ll write my name, followed by ‘was here’, on every single rock and roll them down hills
i’ll carve my name in the poet tree that is used to sun block parties
so you can rest in the shade,
sip your long island ice tea
listen to boogie down productions,
with your feet in the brook(lyn) as your queen got her man hat on
i will stand like a hitchhiker on the side of the road all day and night
until i pass out
pieces of my soul to at least one passer by
i want to reach the mind of that *** that talks so much jazz,
someone beat(box)s him black and blues
i want to tell him there is an alternative to living life without 'breaking' rules and searching for the next 'fix'
i want to tell mother nature to stop wasting food and feeding lies to her kids
i want to tell father time to stop with the ticks...

if I close this book hard enough
I'll hurt my feelings
my soul will be squashed
my heart will break into a million pieces
my spirit will be trapped like dogs on a leash
or birds in a cage
in this notebook, its more then just words on a page