When I was five,
my mother told me I was loved.
Years later, she asked me to leave because
I was the reminder of the gruesome past that haunted her.

When I was ten,
my father told me he believed in me.
Years later, he refused to accompany me because
I was an embarrassment to him in front of the society.

When I was fifteen,
my friends told me I was funny.
Years later, they all laughed at me because
I was the gullible teenager who fell for their flawless façade.

When I was twenty,
this guy said I was beautiful.
Years later, he trashed me, tormented me because
I was ignorant enough to overlook my inevitable flaws.

So, sorry for not believing in you,
for questioning your intentions, inclusively, in-depth
when you told me you loved me because
I didn’t want to wind up years later,
learning it the hard way that people often don’t mean what they say.

did you ever look to see if my window was open
like I looked for your car hoping to see you in motion
why do I always go back there?
like a grave of a loved one, I would still visit the thought of you every day
bringing along fresh flowers
is seems that the stone heart you gave me is stuck inside the ground
like the time I would beg to lay down in your arms
one glimpse and I worship your presence
maybe I romanticize the death of our love
boats were never made to stay on the shore
planes were not meant to lift high for those who can't pay them for
silence is more defeaning than the word goodbye
I cant see what the sun tries to tell me about you
if you've closed your eyes

I wish you didn't say hi
show interest in my poetry and the look in my eyes
then no one's hand had ever made you hard before
no one's brain sounded as smart as yours
the one who listens while I read
the one I shouldn't want to need
when I did drugs but my main addiction was your love
our slumber as we lie awake
where is my soul that you take
give back the me i lost on the way
and the you that left unlike you said

Finding a lover is effortless
for some people.
They only want a few things:
Someone attractive, kind,
funny or rich.

But
I desire
something so much deeper.

I want

an intelligent mind
that wakes up thoughts in me
I didn't realize were hibernating.

I want

to converse, analyze and debate
without being conscious of
the sun rising and falling
between our words.

I want

to make a witty remark
at a coffee shop
so he can reply sarcastically
just for me to jab back immediately
and for him to comeback back playfully
until we're both laughing
stomachs shaking
spit flying
the whole store staring
and we leave
without coffee

I want

our hands to stitch together
perfectly
like two lost puzzle pieces;
one found under a couch cushion
one found inside a junk drawer.
The rest of the puzzle has
already been thrown away
but
these two pieces remain
and they fit.

I want

to fall in love together
then together fall in love with
art, museums, songs, poems
T.V shows, radio jingles,
greek food, backroads,
our mutual hatred for pop culture,
doing the dishes (as long as he washes and I dry)
wrong turns, piled up laundry, life.
Just fall in love with life.

I want

to hurt with him

I want

to save the world with him

I want

to meet, see, understand
and experience all that is foreign
with him.

I think it will only take us meeting
and it'll only be history and happiness from then on.

It's just a matter of if a love like that could ever be
and if a love like that could ever be for me.

You turned bitter and cold
And that’s when the wind told me you were drifting away
Icebergs on warm hearts
And dark clothes that cover deep scars
I wore long sleeves
The sunset and the daylight rose
The only closure you gave me was silence
And the moonlight sky’s outside my window
Got darker and harder
the frost, the fog
Frozen in time
Like my passion and lust for had never gone, and you were still mine
waiting for you to come back is like waiting for snow in the Sahara desert
And consumed my time like the countdown for Christmas
Counting from January the 1st
And not knowing if you’ll make it to the end of the year
The peace wasn’t deafening and the space not as far and wide
but the look in your eyes and the way that you cried on the car did nothing but break me inside
I still whisper ‘oh baby’ as if you would fall back into my arms
As if you could hear my cries
Ghosting my mind as if you’d died
And how can I hold you if you couldn’t get further out of my reach
You were so hard to leave
To hard for me to tell myself it wasn’t you it was me
Yeah I admit I was toxic but these toxins make me bleed
and you’ve not got one scar
But what do I know?
I’m the one who broke your heart and you left me in the dark
I’m emotionally unavoidably attached indescribably sad and unconsciously mad about you