but i cannot be
for i am not free
i am shackled
by people's expectations, the responsibility
to make them happy
to make them feel not hurt
even in times when i feel like dirt.
Even when i'm down,
i cannot be me
because, only as dirt can i help them grow
to help them heal
to make them feel loved and appreciated
for their need for validation to be constantly satiated
only as dirt, can i help them bloom
to be the person they need to be.
Son. Lover. Brother. Friend.
i am always another
but i am never me.

What do you do

When a man loves you

With his entire soul

And you

You just don't think you can

But you want to

You want to out of ease

You want to so that he'll be happy

You want to love him

The way he loves you

Because you know

Exactly what it's like to not be loved back

Because of you I hurt another
Who could have been my first true lover

I don't expect you to understand
why I stain my sheets with scarlet drops
Or why I melt at the slightest touch-
liquid mercury mindset,
A heart with the glowing lights of xenon.

I don't want you to understand
why my veins burn like crushed up stardust-
milkyway IV drip..

I just want you to see that I feel it ALL-
And I cannot understand a second of it,
nothing I do is within reason anymore.

I just want you to see me
like I see you.