"unfallen" poems
This morning, out in lightly falling snow, I heard geese
as flights of them flew overhead. Like a shot
I was ten again, Grammy and I at the lake. I’d sit in the bow
of my canoe, pulled awkwardly ashore, neck craned back to watch the sky.
I was always sad to see them go; their calls so many cold goodbyes.
Ice encrusted water slushed against the dock in slow motion waves.
It was time to seek new horizons, where waves
of Floridian waters would embrace the geese.
My grandmother said that every new adventure started with goodbyes
to one thing or another. If I were ever to have a shot
at following my dreams, there’d be farewells as I reached for the sky.
Instinct would lead me onward to my accomplished bow.
One year Momma and Poppa Goose stayed behind, a nest in the bow
of my boat. The wintery sky turned black with departing waves.
They would call out as the flying ones filled the sky.
Wounded wing grounded Poppa. (Canada geese
mate for life.) Momma would not leave her mate, recently shot
during hunting season. She would not yet say her goodbyes.
This, then, was the winter of no cold goodbyes.
Before school, pony tailed hair with ribboned bow,
blowing in the stiff breeze, I’d take a shot
at keeping ice from the edge of the lake, waves
arrowing out as they swam. The geese,
with an itch in their wings, anxious for a return to their sky.
That summer Poppa introduced his flock to the sky,
practiced formational takeoffs leading to goodbyes.
Clouds overhead gathered gray with unfallen snow as the geese
took flight. My two watching for a moment, dipping heads in an elegant bow,
before joining in the aerial ballet of strong winged waves.
Grammy’s strong hand gripped my shoulder, then-- the parting shot.
Grammy joined the geese beyond the horizon. No miracle shot
or endless love could keep her with me. Heaven was in the sky.
I knew she was watching although there’d been no time for final waves.
Her new adventure started without time for goodbyes.
Outside, snow blanketed as I cried myself to sleep. Her final bow
had been silent, but she’d been telling me, as had the geese.
Overhead the geese are shaftless arrows shot
from an instinctual bow piercing the morning sky
with their raucous goodbyes. Time waves.
Oct 23, 2011
Oct 23, 2011 at 6:16 PM UTC
Hearing nothing but my breath
I wander this war torn city alone.
A cool moist breeze hits me from behind
Signaling the start of a summer thunderstorm.
The smell of the unfallen rain is heavy
As I find my way to an old abandoned park.
The brush consumes an old rusted swing set
I rest at an old bamboo picnic table.
All around me is destruction and rubble
On my left, lightning surrounds black clouds
Quickly moving in to consume the city
The perfect euphemism for this country’s inevitable fate
As the rain begins to fall, the sun dips below the tree line
Casting a shadow on an old apartment building.
Across from it, the swaying palm trees glow orange
A luminous contrast to the storm above them
To my right, a couple is sitting on their balcony
Swallowing the chaos, welcoming the rain
Surrounded by rubble, in this infamous country
They find peace in being together
Jun 15, 2010
Jun 15, 2010 at 5:58 PM UTC
things are blurry
I can't think straight
thoughts are bouncing off the walls
I'm losing my mind
make it stop
I need you here
why aren't you here
where did you go
why did you leave
when are you coming back
the thoughts are filled with you
you
you
you
I ****** up didn't I
I ****** up
I'm sorry
please come back
it's all I want
I want things to be okay again
are you okay
is the night treating you well
are you ever going to come back
why did I say that
why did I have to **** things up
I can't function without you
I'm trying not to cry
it's hard
it's hard to catch my breath
my lungs are collapsing
my throat is closing
my eyes are covered by unfallen tears
make it stop
is this what death feels like
I'd rather be dead than feel like this
I'd rather be in your arms
I'd rather things be okay
but they're not
I'm sorry
please come home
I worry about you
I worry something bad will happen
please I'm sorry
I didn't mean it
I was mad
I never should've said it
I'm gasping for air
I'm holding on
I'm a piece of nothing
a piece of ******* ****
my body is heavy
my heart is panicking
my lungs won't inflate
my mouth is wheezing
my mind is in a state of insanity
I keep writing
nothing seems to be working
you're not back yet
what if you're hurt
what if you're crying
what if I ****** up for good this time
I can't lose you
I can't contain these thoughts
I'm experiencing insanity
I keep thinking the same things
over and over again
hoping for a change
hoping you'll come home
but you won't
you won't
you won't
you won't
I miss you
I love you
I'm sorry
Nov 12, 2015
Nov 12, 2015 at 12:26 PM UTC
Opaque irises await those who uncover the un-burial mound
Oafish sockets containing them like marbles
Open to the elements, decaying with their corporeal encasement, shaded by
Oaken leaves that remain unfallen, while
Obsequious maggots go about their task of cleansing the remains
Paralyzed in the final moments of their mortal coil, the bodies lay stagnant,
Pacified only by the removal of sentience.
Pagan rituals surround such corpses, and the intrepid discovers
Patiently await the arrival of some necromantic spirit.
Quasi-instinctively, the pioneers of the superterranean mausoleum
Quell their fears and remove the bodies from their conclusive locale,
Quantifying their deaths by the armaments and metal carapaces upon them.
May 7, 2012
May 7, 2012 at 12:44 AM UTC
My army stands behind me
Where you cannot harm them.
And, with them to defend me,
You cannot harm me too.
President Mujica, Emporer Jimmu,
Jesus, Buddha and Scrappy Doo.
Gazoo, Kung Fu
And most of all you
The ranks of soldiers unfallen
Always unreachable by you.
They are my past, my knowledge
And my future.
Mar 30, 2012
Mar 30, 2012 at 11:44 PM UTC
Would that I could
paint the world as poetry,
to waltz each sunset in time with love
this would be my gift to you.
But since I cannot
I shall pluck each ogre hair
that grows upon your conscience
and with that weave a silken tie
the colour of unveiled mystery
the texture of unfallen tears.
And this will become my proud plumage.
Before we search for adventure
in the folds of all flesh, remember
the stars that you stole for your eyes.
And I will remember
that the world is poetry
and sunsets do not waltz in time with love.
Dec 18, 2012
Dec 18, 2012 at 2:11 AM UTC
Everything is barren now.
The leaves have fallen and the bugs have all
Retreated into the warm houses.
I saw one in my shower this morning
And as I turned on the faucet, it flew
To the next wall. I worried that
The water bouncing off my body
Might drown it or make its wings too wet to survive the winter
But I did nothing to move it.
I understand that the only reason
You don’t like riding home from school with me anymore
Is because you can’t smoke cigarettes in my car.
But now I have to drive by the twin oaks alone—
Those twin oaks where I sat with a girl I was sure
I would soon come to love.
Staring up at the leaves with her, I’d thought maybe
That girl and I were just like the oaks:
Two separate bodies joined at one point.
Now the way snow hangs makes it clear.
Those canopies could only spread and grow
Once the oaks had parted, leaning in opposite directions.
You used to distract me as we drove by,
Keeping my mind from the haunting reminder
Of the future that failed to pass.
Without you with me there, I’m left to question
What I’ll see when this pristine white landscape
Finally melts.
That bug on the sterile white porcelain
Seemed to scream this morning as I idly hummed a tune
Written by some friends who moved to Athens.
It screamed with the smog of unsmoked cigarettes
And leaves that can never be unfallen.
My humming
Was screaming too.
Jan 21, 2014
Jan 21, 2014 at 4:24 PM UTC
I can not count the leaves,
unfallen or fallen...there
are simply too many.
I'm not daunted by their
numbers, I needn't balance
the sheet of a season.
I am counted among them--
we see the same light that
presses on our colors.
We open the opening, we
close the closing...a season
is always at hand.
Oct 11, 2016
Oct 11, 2016 at 12:25 PM UTC
i lie still
in the morning
and watch the sunrise
creep up
my wall
to the white
of my ceiling
bathed in grey light
subdued
by unfallen rain
i wish the rays
of sun
were your eyes
moving
over me
Jul 18, 2014
Jul 18, 2014 at 10:40 AM UTC
I am no child of God
Something sinister designed me
With a heart that hurts too deeply
Sword tongue that cuts too sharply
Skin that bruises easy
Eyes that don’t see clearly
Some narcissism, optimism
Pinch of pessimism
For good measure
Pathetic
Brain cell battlefield
Truth fronts on both ends
Devil’s distorted spectrum
I falter in the middle
An impossible distance
Clouded by cognizance
And carelessness
There is only now
And now, I am
Everything and nothing
Unbalanced, unfallen
The void in silence
Sudden vacuum of air
White light in sheer darkness
Vicious cause for despair
Sweet surrender is calling
But I don’t belong there
Nov 15, 2018
Nov 15, 2018 at 4:43 PM UTC
15th Sunday in Ordinary Time
We are scattered, like the Tribes of Israel
Sown not in rejection but as word and work
Planted everywhere, and commanded to grow
In the rich earth of divine Creation
There is no veto in birds, rocks, or thorns
Let them instead serve in their own poor ways
As dutiful as humans, maybe more so
Unfallen either as seed or as beings
To tend and guard the ancient unities
That grow forever in Jerusalem
Jul 16, 2017
Jul 16, 2017 at 10:01 AM UTC
I daydream
Till it becomes a real dream
Then I dream away my sadness
I dream away my fears
Then I dream away all my fathers unfallen tears
Till morning comes
Oh the morning that comes!
When life is not but others dream
Or a dream is not but anothers life
Feb 11, 2015
Feb 11, 2015 at 10:59 AM UTC
The human suffering is my life's project
How could I ever turn my back on it
All the images of loss I had painted
On my own cold concrete Berlin wall
Paintbrush dipped into a catalog color
"Dark ocean of despair"
Smearing it cautiously on the rough surface
Protecting the still innocent from the ricochets
Oh the number of books that I had written
About another restless soul stuck in limbo
Circling the globe on a boat called "Oblivion"
I shoot them into my not so public library in the sky
Riding on the back of a spark flying from my sympathetic heart
Only to allow their sad glow to forever illuminate the top of my head
An archive of movies stored in a chamber of my heart
Categorized into natural human disasters
All written and directed by me
Starring every soul that ever exposed itself to mine
On a hot sticky night with a glass of wine
In a dusty desert wearing dark green uniform
On the grassy banks of a beautiful European canal
Their silent cries for help are the soundtrack of my life
The shot of an unfallen tear I could never cut out
The pain of a life lived internally,
A bag of beautiful intentions bursting at the seams
Are the substance of the blanket I cover myself with
When I try to fall asleep
Who would I be without it?
Sep 28, 2018
Sep 28, 2018 at 10:34 AM UTC
i thought i saw you walking
between the morpheus trees
the leaves in autumn auburn
dancing in their descending
to lay themselves at your feet
as welcome, your charity
each soft step kissing the earth
i gave chase, for what it's worth
but i turned one way, and you
another, leaving no trace
and now this place keeps secrets
of stories that could have been
and now all but a few leaves
remain unfallen, and i
deep in the still and quiet
patient, await their return
i thought i saw you walking
between the morpheus trees
with a little luck, next time
it will be you seeing me
Sep 27, 2017
Sep 27, 2017 at 4:59 PM UTC
Tonight, I’m just a little bit gloomy,
with eyes to match the clouds outside;
The sky is swollen with unfallen precipitation.
A blast from the past
bruised my happiness,
and a shot of anxiety left me shaking in my love’s arms.
But I’m just a little bit sad,
and there’s no need to fear,
all I need is some beauty sleep for my smile to return.
Jan 21, 2016
Jan 21, 2016 at 7:25 AM UTC
....No one really makes me happy anymore
More like half smiles to a face broken in many places
by unfallen tear streaks
and frowns
Emitting noise just to see if it would be heard
Saying I love you, just to see if
I believe the words
coming from my own mouth.
I said I'd stick around
but those machines inside are running
down
down
down and soon the energy
keeping me up
is going to run out
So I should start running now....?
Oct 21, 2018
Oct 21, 2018 at 9:11 AM UTC