"Dog's Longevity Due to Tobacco Habit"**

The staple diet of Sebastian, a pitbull-miniature poodle cross-breed owned by Mrs Emmie Snaggletooth of St John's Road, Little Tittington, Berkshire, is Bruno Extra Strength Old **** pipe tobacco. He consumes two ounces of it every week and his proud owner keeps it in his very own tin.

The procedure is as follows: Mrs Snaggletooth rolls a cigarette and puts it between her lips. Sebastian then leaps up onto her lap and removes the unlit cigarette from her lips and sits with it for several moments between his own lips.

His mistress, who is a pipe smoker herself, then lights up and, as she sits contentently smoking her twelve-inch ivory carved Meerschaum, Sebastian eats his cigarette, leaving only the filter tip which he normally spits out into the fireplace. He has twenty cigarettes a day and enjoys his tobacco best after he has eaten his evening meal of Pedigree Chum (Older Dogs Recipe).

Sebastian, who is now seventeen years old, discovered his penchant for tobacco when he found an open tin of Bruno Old **** and ate the lot. "He became very agitated and barked for three hours non stop", says Mrs Snaggletooth when she fondly recalls the incident, "And we have not been able to stop him since. He's become a bit of an addict and has appeared on TV twice as a result."

Emmie Snaggletooth has smoked a pipe for over seventy years; she keeps her treasured Meerschaum on a cord around her neck. Born in Stillfockin in the County Cork eighty-eight years ago, she went on stage with her sister Catriona as part of the renowned music hall act, the Fabulous Snaggletooth Girls. Emmie picked up the pipe-smoking habit when she had to smoke a traditional clay pipe whilst playing the principal boy in **** in Boots at the old Queen's Theatre in Reading, before it was pulled down to make way for the Pay-As-You-Go Municipal Car Park and Disabled-Access-Toilets.

"All this talk of smoking being bad for your health is a load of old *******", declares Mrs Snaggletooth through her few remaining blackened teeth. And it would seem that Emmie and Sebastian are living proof of this. Emmie sadly points to the fact that her sister Catriona, who never smoked at all, died aged only 25 after being run over by a runaway bus and she emphasies Sebastian is the longest surving member of his litter. "Sebby is the only one of his family who ever liked tobacco, I'm sure of that", she says, "Although his sister, Mary-Jean, was fond of a glass of stout with her biscuits."

Readers are invited to turn to page 24 to enter this week's competition to win a year's supply of Bruno Extra Strength Old **** tobacco and a free ****** examination from Hilary Clinton (Mrs).

You cast the shadow of my heart
Into the deepest pits of hell
Chained it as you set fire to gasoline
Skin melting under the intense heat
I should have said **** it
Long before I let you wrap ten fingers
Cyanide tipped nooses
Around an already cold dead artery
Pulsing blood through my veins
Filled with toxic hatred
For those pretty brown eyes
You dragged me in with
Sent me to hell
With no possibility of parol
I'm surving nine life sentences
Because I fell for you
The queen of the ******
The mistress of hell
Monarch of shattered hearts
I should have walked away
Before I drowned in the quick sand
You so joyfully called love

To my dearest princess,

             I carried you for nine months bearing all the nausea, mood swings and the pain. And I was there to hear your first cry, a sign that you were alive. I was there when you needed me to sleep, drink and go places. I was there when you were crawling then walking and later on, running. I saw your most embarassing moments, your cutest reaction, your passion, your talents and your dreams. I was there when you felt sad and cried all day and remember how you kept looking for me? I was the one you shared your secrets to. I was there when you went to school and got friends. Then you got older and you started cutting me off and saying that I was lame and nagging. But you forgot that I gave you the things you needed when you were little- all those sleepless nights just to keep you still. I was there when you wanted me there. And I am not going to force you to do the same but I am hoping for your consideration. I was there for your first heart break. It was from a boy you never told me about and now I found out that you gave your everything. Now let me remind you, darling that people make mistakes and what we do after is what matters. You don't need *** to prove that there is love. A proof of love is how much time you spend together and not thinking of it too much because you know you'll wait until you two are wed and are truly each other's. Romance is not just a public post on a social media account about how much he loves you. It's not just about the good morning texts. It's about the days you are at your worst and he sees you as if you're still the angel you are. It's when you are on your baggy shirt and he sees how beautiful you are. It's about the planned, nervous, awkward but fun dates. It's him picking you up at our doorstep and telling me that he'll tale care of you. It's about long hand written love letters, poems and arguements worth fighting about. And if you lost someone, they aren't always meant to stay. It's okay to cry because it's a sign your alive, it's what you did the minute you came to this world. You don't need to harm yourself, I'm here and I think you are golden. You are one of life's precious gifts. Please don't hurt yourself, you don't need other people to prove your worth, you have me. Now I know I may say things that offend you but that's my way of teaching you. I love you, sweetheart and don't think that I don't.  You are capable of living and surving. You were destined to shine as bright as the sun, my princess. Maybe even brighter.

with love,
Mom

Every day is new sunrises so do you. even if you feel like you have nothing to say nice.
day by day new challenges fly bye hitting you with out warning. when it rains i rather walk  in the rain so no one can see my eyes . have the time of your life. but it only last only a few min light when your high. when night comes the only thing to escape reality.
the music you listens to carry you along the way with all the wounds that riddle your body.
every thought you think twice but your own ideas have the weight like a ton. your friends have been there for you and so you both have each others backs no matter what.
even if your tired and have little patients all you have to say is ill just keep walking.
the emotions you drown in with every thing the day dreads and loses you in the mix.

but dad by day you have to face your fears even if it means passing you own boundries.

love that emotion is just a ord love is just something that means nothing.

for me i was told when i was little you should never sit down and cry cause youl never have the strong image in you.
emotions walk behind you but your shadow is the thing that has to fight your own evil side to push the demonic eyes away.

life is filled with lies and pathetic people that wast your time.

emotions are the whole thing that human society has to stand therer ground.

day night is the same except that's the way it is night people currl up and let the dreams slumber.

but night is a nother when people only come out when theres no light to hit them.


the thins you said the night before what do u really know what happened to your promises and trust.


my life i walk this earth trying to show my ideas to this world. but this world is afraid of ideas that will change society and every ones time to the good of it.


the emotions have so many things that will bring out in your words.


but i have no regrets or fear what happens to me. cause people fear me and are scared of me for my smarts. but i have nothing negitive to express in my words.


but the sun rises bring the sweet calm breez that flowls threw my long hair but what do u really hear when you listen close. just the music you have never heard of the beauty that will make tears stream down your face.

in my own words you cant fix every thing or every ones problems. all you can be is ears for listening and to suport them untille the end.


i have a life that is full of trapes and surprizes.

im not scared or threaten  by people but why do my ideas scare and threaten society.

but night falls my music plays sun rise comes and my music is still playing but thats the only way for me to deal with life and all its (****)

i walk this world creating my ideas writing away that will spell your name telling you im always listening.

but in this world i can only escape from societys gripps with my music playing loud and drowning people out so i can feel things. in my life as we keep going along.

my life is full of words but my voice will never be heard cause im tired of trying to talk over your voies.


have any emotions like your own appearance ******* you down ******* your strength away wearing you down.

have you just felt your life is and endless ride that leaves burns and blood stains.

my voice has the calming tone's that bring peace to your life.

in my life there's no such thing is war only the rules i have if you show any threat or threaten me i will do the same to you.


every emotion i have been able to control by using my music to drown out every one blaring it away tuning any scream or voice in my way that is only sufficating.


in my own words i have no fears /regrets but i walk this barren world just living and surving any thing hits or breakes me.


but in life/society/emotions. we wont be human if we didn't have any emotions that we have to live with.


i you want folow me  cause youl never have to be alone i am listening to our voice ill say just follow your foot steps and dont let go

My heart is in an endless of constellations,
Kissing the night sky.
I hold on tightly to that desire,
Wanting to slip away with it,
For how I fear being left alone,
In this room,
In this world,
With no hopes of surving this ****** war.
Take me with you,
Take me away from this world,
From the boy who broke my heart,
From the man that left my mother,
And from the men that took my father,
And from this life that swallowed my freedom in a whole.
I am raging war,
Kindles fire,
Wanting to explode,
Hatred and rage fills my heart.
It's a cold world,
What have I done to deserve this pain?
To be left alone,
To be forgotten and unloved.
My heart and dreams lives freely like the colors in the sky,
Soft pinks, red and blues that make a soft essence of lavender,
Stars that twinkle in the night sky.
My mind aches to run free like the clouds and to kiss the heaven,
Where the mighty God sits on his throne,
Admiring his creation,
Me.
You.
Us.
Take me God to the heavens,
Where the angels sings,
And my heart aches for you.
Give me the crown of life,
Have mercy on my soul...
I want to dance through a field of flowers,
I want to live in a garden full of red roses,
For they remind me of the boy who lives in my dreams,
The boy who loves me and makes me happy-
I bathe myself in poetry,
The words that slip off my tongue and make my heart beat faster,
The words that make my world spin,
And make me fall in love with earth again.
Renuevame mi Dios,
Guts, glory, and pain,
I want it all.
My mind ponders over my million never ending thoughts,
I can feel my soul feeding off of lavender skies,
A heaven haze.
I am nothing but an outcast,
A shadow in the meadows,
Nothing but a soul who's heart lives in the heavens,
Wanting to be free.

ever wondered upon thy neighbors
pains, struggles  and dreams

their constant troubles and insight about
life

ever wondered before given your opinions
which are short sighted and self bias

or are we comfortable walking in shoes
that are not rightly fit