Journey to the subconscious,
Do you dare,
Feel no scare,
The feeling,
You can't compare,
Snare,
Your way down,
Inside your own town,
They call it the devils' lair,
But that's the fear,
With your soul you can pair,
[Up]
So explorer - fear not,
Put your ego on the spot,
Shread the mind,
Feel the heart,
You're one of a kind,
[Unique - a beautiful freak]
Madness and stillness you'll find,
The rhythm and blues of spirit,
Yeah mad explorer - feel it,
The journey to the subconscious,
Time to focus;
[Let your soul loose]

~ z.s

at this moment
you are the light
that twinkles in my eye
the source in my chest
that makes my heart melt
then my mouth stops runnin
only to let my mind race
just for a while
then you change
that twinkle transforms
as well as my chest
that twinkle is a flame
not one of lust but anger
that source that once warmed
now cools till it freezes
see when i begin to think
just like you claim you do
i wont ask a question
cause i know the answer
the original spark
that gave what we had
that special glow
is gone
replaced wit this new one
refurbished for you
since i liked to see
your smile more than i
liked to see mine
little things i see
trigger the actions you
cant seem to believe

i have forgiven you
even though u cant see
i havent forgotten
and it angers me
you dont understand
i wanted the world to know
how much of my heart
belonged to you
and only you
3 separate times
my heart shattered in pieces
not **** i thought about
while i was alone and bored
based on facts presented
to me and those u admitted
had a shread of truth
this tango we dance
is makin my feet hurt
but im stuck
in this lust trance
you put on me
the night of our prom
when u took something from me
the last of my innocense
something u promised to
never do again to anyone
cause virgins
become too clingy
i might forget the
phrase you say
word for word but
the pain tends to stay
like a hangover from
liquors u cant seem
remember u drank
the way i looked
replacing a P wit a F
i looked like a fool
the *** u hate to look like
when u put u through
the shame type of bull
you deficated on my plate
when i served you
like the queen i see
the one i wanted to be
with but things changed

i have this gemini type
feelin for you
the i love you now
but u irritate me later kind
i wouldnt mind a future
before i flash back
i wont be happy tho
after the past flashed
showing me the main fact
i need security
something i havent felt
since our love was new
i never let it show
cause deep down
in my heart in knew
things might change
for the better but new
issues flew my way
so i watch and wait
for another movement
from the bowels
of your jealousy
and greed for me
which in my eyes
isnt really where
i wanna be

my love will never die
for you but my doubt
also is immortal cause of you
and poor judgement
when i dont show
what you want in me
you find it in another
tryin to pull jealousy
from me i wont
be a pawn in your
love/chess game
this song is reachin
its end and im switchin
to another partner
one who mirrors my
good as well as bad
no jealousy and switchin
to another man who
gives you attention for
what you carry
while your walkin by
she who loves me
even if i were
to choose you
something you dont have
the heart to do

On the flip side...


its to quiet.. no thoughts or words.. just at times the sound of silence beeps on through..

its to dark.. no sight or light.. just at times the red and yellow blops i see when i close my eyes.. they cascade upon eachother trying to take over.. but no color ever wins..

its to sad.. no courage or strength.. just at times weakness trying to be strong only to give up for whats wrong..

its to wet.. no sun or clear skies.. just at times a shread of light trying to see underneath this dense storm of falling mist..
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all the shades of my sadness are clear...... so i take a deep breath for a moment.. and i begin to listen, see, smile, and feel..
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the sound is beautiful.. a song plays for me in my head .. one of my favorites as i pick up the pace..

i light the candle.. a beautiful light is quite a sight.. i close my eyes and see pass the reds and yellows.. i see her, the candlelit flame burns for her..

i crack a smile.. i let go.. and i stand up.. i look forward and begin to run faster..

the storm passes.. sunlight rains down.. never giving up.. the sun seems to shine on with me.. behind me pushing me with her light.. that huge candle was lit for me.. at least today it was..

I picture my funeral,
people dressed in black,
which cut loose the rope,
tightening my neck.

I have questions i can't answear
while i am still alive,
like would she shread a tear
if i really die?

i have things that hunt me
while i sleep,
i have one enourmus problem,
my life is hard to keep.

tonight i'll picture my funeral,
and people dressed in black,
as i tighten the rope,
and put it around my neck.

Dark clouds are gathering ominously above
They cast a murky hue into the air around
Infusing into the heart a seance of gloom
They threaten to unleash torrents of rage
Mercilessly they’ll shread all they confront

Will my roots stay true against their rage
Or will I give in to their relentless pull
Will I remember that torrents don't last
Once the clouds have spent their load
Will I remember that beyond the clouds
Is the shining sun with all her warmth
Will I remember that the clouds will part
For the bluest of skies, bright and calm

Black stains,
a broken pen.
I guess I will shread another page,
instead of shedding blood.

*****

You gave me a shread
of love and affection
and I fell over melting.

I'm not used to accepting...
love, or giving it
feels like a simulation
I must get through
I must finish quick!

The sky is hazy
the mountains painted blue
am I truly me
are you truly you?

And I find myself
starting over again
on my way to an island
I've never been.

And i find myself
scarred and wild
a shame to know
the doubts I held.

I never thought
I would lie to my self

I never thought i'd
sideline myself

The clouds blend into
the mountains now
a foggy sunset
at my back.

I'm wondering when
the horizon will end
When it will fail
to illuminate.

When my silhoutte
will shivver and quake
the cool breeze
from the mediterranean
drying my sweat

Baby, please drop your razors. That lighter it's meant for fire, not to burn your skin. Do you not realize how amazing you are to me? Do you not realize your pain causes me so much misery.
Please shread that suicide note. This is not the way you are destined to go. Step off that chair, you were never ment to hang there. Get away from the ledge, I can't catch you there.
The simplest things may hurt you. Is this really how you want to go? As the middle school tragedy?
Why would you want to go this way? It will just cause everyone else so much pain.
Your smile could light the darkest of times. Let it continue to shine, if you go away you could no longer be my light when my mind becomes dark.
The pain of you being a middle school tragedy will overcome me, take away my smile, bring back my frown. Don't do that to me. Leave me and you take my happiness with you.
Your laugh makes everyone else around you laugh. Not because it's funny, but because your happiness is intoxicating. Let it continue to intoxicate the world.
Please do not become the next middle school tragedy.

Mother
Father
Do you love me
Despite my love for she?

Brother
Sister
Are you ashamed
You're sister has been disclaimed?

When I took the flag
For being a ***
They blamed me for red
For when I left my families heart to shread
Screamed orange
For when I went for that slow plunge
Questioned yellow
For their woe
Cried green
For they believed I was merely a teen
Who could never tell purple with blue
Yes, they told me I had no clue

I insisted on love
On my wonderful ladylove
It was she
My cup of tea
It was love I let win
Not sin

Violets blue Roses red awake I lay in my bed stuck inside of my own head. Living my life like I am already three fourths dead overcome with dread this disease is now widespread decency I have not a single shread hanging on by a single thread should've turned this ****** dope right back into Sudafed. Deja Vu all things have somehow gone askew just what is it you think I am supposed to do I trust very few well maybe just two one is not me the other is not you. Given chase by things I once did pursue. Haven't got a ******* clue wonder off into the clear blue I try to keep myself out of view penance is long overdue do not judge me until you know what I've been through. Broken spirits send my soul to shatter crazier I am madder than the mad hatter not that it really even seems to matter. swing batter batter **** tends to splatter dark are these thoughts that I attempt to gather a ******* disaster from these terrors I can not run and ******* faster. Of my fate I am no master forever searching for what everyone else is after maddening is the laughter the echo still a factor all the world is a stage everyone is an actor. Prepare for the rapture recapture distractor trapper. All of this has gone straight down the crapper. Vindictive streak. I've  been up an entire week. My intentions reek I don't know what justice I intend to seek I sow now what I'll one day reap now and lay me down to... **** sleep I have too many secrets I must keep. Living my life of repeat actions are louder than mere words proving talk is cheap into the shadows often I retreat to hide from those moments that are bittersweet gone in a heartbeat I cannot admit defeat. Even when I am not able to remain discreet my situation is not so unique.  Especially when I am on straight tweak   incomplete unwilling to trust myself not to misspeak one true deep a broken heap I attempt to render myself obsolete.  A sinner  faithless chased by ghosts that are faceless. In a time that seems fadeless. Traditions that seem ageless valor that is said to be contagious when an ignoramos is made ****** famous by their intentions heinous. Shameless are the brainless that were sent to sustain us unable to cover our bareness with fairness. Nightmarish memories we hope will perish. Spread awareness. The dead stare less and  there is nothing I wish to confess. Other than Im a hot mess with emotions that I cannot seem to express. Under duress I stress more or less here hard to press issues I still need to address. I obsess repossess I congest truth hard to digest under protest. **** with the best and die like all the rest. In these chaotic frabracations,  that are really next level fairy tales demented as hell.  The heroes they have all fell Into worlds that are somehow parallel turning full circles in this **** carasoul. Until I start to feel rather unwell. Right around the time of this epic fail I bid thee a fond fare the well ask no more questions and no lies will I attempt to sell. Dubious interactions can't get no satisfaction riding off in a two wheeled contraption. Without desire withholding passion in true losers fashion. Character's assassin. A week's worth of rations. Hope just for the dashing. Thrashing these drugs here are for stashing. For a party worthy of crashing. Mention it not even in passing. Ever lasting. Broadcasting. Fasting. Reacting. Relaxing everything is so distracting.