The dirt and the heavens have sat and shown us everything at once, telling about the heart has grown gray hairs on it's brim waiting to be groomed.
I say they are roots, not hairs.
I say all the words anyone can ever spill into you are a rainstorm or a desert and they are going to make you wilt or drown you but either way you are as much of yourself as you can be.
We live in a world that is plagued with shadows that are taken apart by sun beams and sparks of the moon yet they do not know how to stop coming back to our hips like black horses that ride with what we allow Them to ride with.
And they sleep like they know there is a tomorrow, they have courage welded from wind and reverence from the cathedrals of giants that do not know how to be anything less than their very own purpose.
I think of the chapels of light, and the towers of dark, and how there are not even kingdoms filled with both of them, and I am reminded that they love each other too much to be consumed with the presence of one another knowing the world may stop it's dancing.
I hope come to be that way.
That I learn to love someones precense so much I cannot bare to be around it.
Infesting the night or the stars dictating the day as if something that cannot be held is not worth hoping for.
I think of what does not return and what does return, and ask that I have the wisdom to know the difference between what keeps me from seeing, and what has spent it's entire life giving my eyes gifts wrapped in flesh and blood and bone and filled with secrets not made to be kept on shelves or shoulders.
This world is not a child that can lie on your chest in slumber and fall asleep as easy as it wakes up. And I say, there cannot be evil where there is music, and that both what we give, and what we take, are the mosr beautiful thins our bodies can produce and that,

that is what is hidden in between shades of the Earth and her silence.
And from the loss and the blind places of land,
we run.

They say don't do drugs
But you seem pretty pristine for something so baleful and life-shattering
My eyes are constantly battering
At the precense of you
They say your life will plummet after doing drugs
But if i do you
I think i'll be more than fine
You have to be pretty awesome for you to be the center of my time
So don't kick your buildings down
I'll save your skyscrapers
Just let your guard down
And let me send your staff on break
I want to be with you on every wake
Be calm for goodness sake
For this to give, it has to take
I'm going to hold your hand
Until you fully understand.

The moon casts an ominous shadow overhead,
as if the sun's lightbulb had gone dead.
The hairs on my neck stand on end,
something dreadful is around the bend.
I don't know what i'll find there,
there isn't any thime to prepare.

All that lie here lie dead,
some stabbed, some shot in the head.
The engraved marble shines with threatening air,
something tells me i'm in for a scare.
A flash of steel announces the precense of his quarry,
this is where I begin to worry.

He starts to circle me menacingly,
that solomn steel blade is all I see.
The corners of his mouth turn up to see
the prominate fear inside me.
He crouches and bows his head,
it's all to clear he wants me dead.

The bite of his blade is all too real,
the wound he just made will not heal.
My heartbeat significantly slows down,
as I bleed I fall to the cold hard ground.
As my vison goes I begin to see,
this thespian was always after me.

I'm in a dangerous state of mind
Still feeling the cluster of pain inside me
I continue to feel the empty
Stripped down to my bare essentials;
I can't tell you what I have left

It's still hard to breathe
The weight on my lungs forever lingering
And I can't help but to revert back to my old ways
The bloodthirst is making its precense known
Yet again

Why do the good memories fade
While the bad ones become more profound
Overwhelming me with such intense hurt,
riddled with anxiety
I can't cope
It seeps its way through, right down to the bone
It has entirely consumed me
Why won't it let go,
Of its chokehold around my neck
This pain
Is asphyxiating
Me

I been dragged thru the ringer. The Enemy of the Saints (Lucifer) have tried to drag me down to the grave by tempting me and insulting my intellect, hope, loving kindness towards others and faith.  I am a noble soul with a Life that has been tough and merciless in many ways but I still somehow see a light a glimmer of hope in the silence in the mundane in the ordinary ...people deal with many problems and in their brokenness and hopelessness they seek to relieve their pain thru the substances readily available in the world to numb their emotions numb their physical and trauma and pain that they have to live with... I unfortunately turned away my face from Jesus when I choose to use illegal substances to numb my own pain. I was self medicating with Stimulants & Cannabis.  I was a functioning addict able to barely pay my bills and my rent for the first 7 years of my addiction. Then the last 2 I encountered Homelessness that broke me to the core.
I was in the end of 7/01/19 I kept using and using but then I had a moment of CLARITY and there in the emptiness of it all I was out of my mind...losing it all ...I had no ID no $$$ no faith in anything I was totally in a pit of regret, remorse and disdain on what I had caused my Life to be put thru I felt in an endless loop a void so deep so obscure I had no idea if I would make it out ALIVE...suddenly I realized that in the pit of my addiction where I could not dig any further than what I had put myself thru I ended up in FCDC (Fayette County Detention Center) "Jail" for 3 days and a half and there I said I told myself...this is enough I have had enough. God was talking to me...in a way I could not even fathom...When the police showed me the paperwork of where I was in 7/27/19 at 3:31 AM in the morning in front of a Center Bank in Lexington KY only with my undergarments on and talking to myself like a maniac no one around me and all I had left was a shadow of a former life I had lived. There I fell sleep and Police took me to jail "literally saved my life" hence I would of have died if they wouldn't have took me that day...I realized that they where trying to ask me in the Jail what was my name what was I doing sleeping in front of the Center Bank in Lexington and I look super ultra rugged. Long beard I had not had a bath in like 2 weeks smelled like a mixture of sweat **** and **** and my eyes where bloodshot skinny as hell and my mind and my body wanted to give up on life at that moment I didn't want to live no more...I had no hope no faith and no love for myself or no one around me. Finally, after 2 days of being in the Jail Cell in FCDC I thank GOD had my intellect back my thoughts back I remembered my name and how to speak properly. I had my SANITY back when I thought I had done it I had become a "Wet Brained" individual left to live the rest of my life as a Lunatic. There I decided I was done ...when I saw my paperwork and being released from Jail I was that my paper said "John Doe" then it was barely scratched off and my name underneath it. That name means a dead man ...a body left behind in the street with no life left in it lifeless or already in the grave. There I saw that...and wept bitterly for a while since God was there with me and his precense was so radiant and I could feel him hugging me and telling me "I came to rescue you from your former life as a former drug addict and I come to heal you and help you get your life back and be someone in society" and that made me smile ... There many inmates that where getting out back to the Outside World with me asked me and tapped me on the shoulder asking me if "I was OK?" I told them to leave me alone since I was talking to God and he was talking to me I did not want to lose that ...so I was from there transformed and I had a spiritual revival when I finally set foot outside that jail and saw it the sunlight I smiled and said to myself ..." I AM A NEW CREATURE ...FOR GOD I WILL DO HIS WORK FROM NOW ON &  NEVER LOOK BACK I AM LEAVING MY PAST HERE IN THIS JAIL & LOOKING FORWARD TO LIVE A SOBER & SANE LIFE FROM NOW ON" from there a New Chapter in my Life has been opened and I have commenced to walk with my Savior to what he has to show me and bless me with from now On I will let people know that he is real and he is the great "I AM" Lord thank you for not letting me die or be enveloped in insurmountable darkness...you have given me the Light to go on and regain what I lost...I Love You for that Jesus My Redeemer!!! Praise The Lord Of Hosts. Amen.

Love in the air
Love in every beats
Beats of my heart
Beats only for you
You are my life
You are my destiny
Destiny of my search
Destiny I desire
Desire I treasure
Desire of my pleasure
Pleasure in your kiss
Pleasure in your embrace
Embrace that I can't resist
Embrace I crave for eternity
Eternity of our togetherness
Eternity of my bliss
Bliss in your arms
Bliss of my life
Life with you  
Life I cherish
Cherish the momemnts
Cherish your memory
Memory I can't forget
Memory that let me live
Live to the fullest
Live with joy
Joy In every moment
Joy in the touch
Touch me with love
Touch my heart
Heart of yours
Heart I want to stay
Stay by my side
Stay forever
Forever with me
Forever holding my hand
Hand in your hand
Hand that heals
Heals my pain
Heals my broken day
Day of mine
Day end with your dreams
Dreams of our love
Dreams that delight always
Always your precense
Always for romance
Romance be romance
Romance for all seasons
Seasons..
Romance..

still we're all here searching
and we all hear hurting
so we all keep hurting
something inside
gives uh rise
too live,
this lurkin' dark demon
a burden
sometimes i wanna
let it in, for I
Feel like a docile weapon, stressin' contemplatin'
waitin' and guessin'
ready to be sharpened
i feel the potential
and to mention
i know if its not the pain
then its the hardenin'
stuck in that
habitual mental
steppin
in precense
the time is now
and surely its not
cause time can never be caught
make best what you will
cause when you're in it you're lost

I have not been visible to the eyes
of those, in which, I wish knew I am still alive.
Unseen like the pain I have within this skin I am in.
Unheard of, like the beat of my heart.
Lost in a black void, yet I cannot tell it apart
from reality, & fantasy
My precense is no more.
I have walked through the unknown door,
now I'm at the point of no return.
I might have found home, in this lonely place, with no scenery.
No feelings, sounds, nor emotions to worry me.
I've come to lose my memory, to love, to see, to hear, to feel, to taste, & to hope.
It was the world in which I've been chosen to be a prisoner in, that did not want me to live,
& finally cut the rope,
not knowing that death,
will make me live again.