Qualified Abstinence

I’ve decided - though not wholly -
As of morning’s bath - to put on hold
The daily custom, habit’s viewing -
NCIS, Dr Phil - suspecting as I do
That they are doing me some harm
Engaging, charming
                                 as they are.

Mind as thought and mind as stomach,
Turn to worry, churn with fear
As states of things in world and home,
Play out the clearer,
Signs maturing in their chaos,
Ever growing, ever baiting;
Making brilliant, analytical dear Phil
Ever more mouth-watering.
Well-loved NCIS plays its part,
Portraying nations torn apart
With ever cleverer technologies
And cleverer–type baddies
Getting ‘theirs’ from even smarter good guys.

If then, strong enough to not back off,
The morning TV staying off,
Then maybe, only maybe
This old belly
Can restore its tranquil peristalsis,
Family squabbles turning babble to a kiss.
Phil, dear Phil, continue to be wise and kind!
NCIS’ cast: brave, cuddly and seasoned -
Flag unfurled, continue to engage yourselves
In world salvation!
Stationing my thoughts in action,
I must leave you both
To carry myself into truth
As cellular Arlene conceives, perceives,
Inherently achieves it.
(If, of course, l don’t fall back into the -
(crude, ill-mannered rude word)  ****!

Qualified Abstinence 7.20.2014
Pure Nakedness; Our Times, Our Culture II;
Arlene Corwin
arlene corwin poetry.com

You were the Barbie jeep engineer.
You were the 5-card pinochle player.
You were the gripe to do the dishes.
You were the patient mall bench sitter.

You were Elvis Presley records and
paper backed crime novels.
You were my new antivirus software.
You were the chatter in the middle of an
NCIS episode.
You were the "It's okay, sweetie" on the
other end of the phone.

You were the voice of every bathtime storybook.
You were the baking soda on my first wasp sting.
You were the green Ford Escort parked
outside my middle school every afternoon.

You were the loudest clap at my graduation.
You were the sticky caramel corn crumbs in the
living room that held the place together.
You were the laughter

You were the toolkit when my pictures hung crooked.
You were the cornerback baker, the pecan pie maker,
dance recital seat saver and the road trip driver.
You were the puppy-dog pill-giver and the
broken heart mender.

You were the church goer and the goodness seeker.
You were the black-haired teaser and the
very best secret keeper.
You were a prideful wig wearer and
wheelchair rider.

You were a cancer fighter.

You were my first call.
You still are.

Watchin NCIS while eating fishticks, I decided to check my skype with just two clicks. Upon entering the domain, I found myself in a talk of pain. First of poisoned pizza, and knifes, and even earlier the fantasy wife's. Not too soon I learn to ignore the vid, rick and morty, I soon realized it was 10 40,                                                                            
      The meme world ruled by the fabulous, King Ash, was honestly made of a **** ton of trash.

new experiences fade the old
no matter how vital the old might be
we don't get a choice
we just do new things and **** there it goes

parts of you fall away bit by bit
i try to remember the whole but am faced only with the half
the left hand falls, the right shoulder
the memory of yelling at me upstairs when i was younger

of picking me up from cross country practice
replaced by a hospital bed and series of tubes
54 is far too young and it wasn't even one
of the plethora of plagues you endured

it was a curveball from the east wedging into the brain
forming a puddle of bacteria and eating away slowly
who'd have thought your heart would stay intact
or your liver or your lungs yet something unforeseen

soon the memories will fade yet more
replaced by a skeleton wearing a pitt hat
with a full glass of pepsi tugging downward at the bones
watching ncis, talking about fixing the porsche

the jaw bones rattling, fading away again
faced with the half and the prospect of the none
ashes three parts body, two parts pepsi, one part ink
and that part housing the memories shrinking against my will

If only my main Heart desires, became reality.
If  only Christ would use me to save lives too.
If only I was an NCIS agent being use to help others.
This is my heart desire, to be use to help save lives.
For people lives are far more important then things.
For people do matter to God and to me as well.
For what good is life, unless it is a doorway leading others to Christ.
For only he can give to us true life in him alone.

All of the little things I can fall in love with

We just didn't spend enough time in jeans and flannels
She had no idea what she was doing and she wasn't fooling anyone
She wasn't even trying
"This looks good," she said, halfway up the hiking trail
She laid her flannel out over a grassy clearing and promptly fell asleep

And he fell exactly where he stood
One drop of blood was exactly enough to relieve his soul from its duty of living
He was exactly at his breaking point and they knew it behind the trigger
Pointing exactly at the palm of his left hand

******* and surrender piggybacked off of each other

If she was the sun, then I was definitely getting my dose of vitamin D
(And a halfway decent tan for once)
Her hair looked like a Pantene commercial and her teeth seemed to be painted white

When I was a child, I thought that flowers died in the winter because they couldn't get water from the frozen earth
I must have ripped up half my mother's garden on the first cool day
I brought them inside, and drowned them in buckets of warm water
23 years later, my mother hasn't stopped laughing

School was out for the week, but I imagined that most of the kids from her class wouldn't go back at all
She asked for help, but we couldn't save her from nightmares or flashbacks
Couldn't even hold her hand through every single one
So her parents and her teachers are in therapy being told it wasn't there faults
But I know it wasn't mine

We made dinner on the stove from a box
She was laughing the whole time-
I told her to wait and watch the pasta while I stepped out for a minute
I set up candles in the living room in front of the TV
We sat on the floor in front of the couch, watching NCIS with candles and cheap ready meals

"This never has to end," I told her
We don't have to have to leave this bedroom
Her Christmas lights reflected off the whites of her eyes as she showed me point ballet in her pajamas
I was not a very effective partner, but this is what she was built for
And I was built to love her, one scene at a time,
One LED bulb
One shaky lift
I spun her like a little girl instead of a dancer

When I was 16 I ran from more monsters than I ever did when I was young. Well..younger. At 16 years old I was still a child.

At 8 years old I loved ghost stories. Mysteries. ****** doo, goosebumps. I was sure I was going to be a forensic scientist just like I saw on CSI.

At 16 I was taught to see shadows on the faces of strangers. Danger flickered behind the eyes of the people I knew I could trust. That I knew I should trust.

Staying in bed never helped, but some days it was all I could do. Nightmares entered every hour of my restless sleep. No episode of NCIS could stir up as much fear as a face I've tried to forget.

At 20 years old I'm still afraid. Silently and with a smile. A similar face or frame reminds me of the blur of memories that took a brave little girl and forced her to be a terrified woman.

Belief and unbelief
credit and discredit

any child woe hoh-eee

who made the world believe,

whose will is logic in reality we agree,

realizing aggressors

aggress one more step,
approach propinquity

character Mammon weform re

always wishing we knew, real ways

life takes from finished stars, I was told,

wisdom given me was with truth held

in ideas like pi and phi and mindspeed

extracted in living ways,
by inquisitive catechism cavities,

did fluoride work? Did I get old?

I got a lotta shots to be a soldier,
I got scorpion stung and know guys,

they ranch rattle snakes, those guys,
they took polaroids,

prolly all faded, but we seen 'em all us/

we uns tuning in from til 12th of never

platters, record skip stuck, stop it never

o o o no nonono,
u do no gnowing now how much

it costs somebody for me to live,

but, as all truth seeking philosophers

agree in the spirit
of Tesla's antennae tester's kids…

dedication, emotion, attach, we
all know life is dull if you never

have time
to finish thinking one thing
about how
to brake
at high eliptical orbit,

did you see that little blur,
look close spaceplane earth image

moment
in time, once, really

but you need
to know gravity,
and chaos and time, elementally

we think it all is dancing, happening

to be knowable because behaviors,

we mostly
all have mastered,
if we are reading this
on Earth, adapting

… if pride is the problem,
look at Earth from far away

then turn around and see what we see.

It should normalize that VOG,

--- amusing thuds icebergs
blown sky high come down
to become those still ponds

aero error unthunk thud thus
brake Power wowser
hoh-eee'

there was a double feature
Joseph Süß Oppenheimer,

not the bomb guy, three centuries
previous use
of political mindspheres metaphoring
In the meantime, Süß discovers he is the illegitimate son
of a respected nobleman, but decides
to continue living as a Jew, as he is proud
of having achieved such a position despite this.

Proud handicap, all I have sir,
it is funny, but I know,
wanna bet,

One Love, Mr. Marley,
show the skulls somebodyscrunching,

oh, death, don't linger
take me swiftly in just one breath…

well then, certain as any reliving after
exposure to a standard acheivement proof of work

I am not a robot, I operate qwerty guy,
we work hand in hand, each side accustomed

to these words and apps that let us get old school
El Ron Hubbard from the boomer cupboard,

Life or Look in or around October, 1969
parts of this are old thoughts rethought and edited,

Not palimpsests, those are a pain,
not as bad a charcoal scrolls, though, so

what's new for old stores of information?

Did we learn whe redacted Daniel?

Or who had Kennedy killed and caught
all the witnesses, oh, the weight of a place,

honest to god hill billy heaven, you'd be
with the Hawks at Jack Ruby's club,

onyermommaside, see, so when you know,

it's all show,
that's business, we're learning though
some old ways wisdom proves peace,

what ever peace making buys these days,
what ever pretense for war we leave be gone,

this is ever
appearing as today brought to you by

Natural occurences, alpha thought, the first letter

is e. dot. e as in mcsquared, a kinda winding all the way
around once, at a snails pace, kinda wondering the way

spirals got on those rocks back when stories lived
in precious good to know a little bit of the big parade,

a proper triumph,
as an idea, such are as rare as detectable Earths.

you cannot hold the whole truth you think you know,

like, of course,

while
in the course,
of human events,

human earthdust structure underlying vulcanism,
eons non timed merely making hydrogen
leib-ecombomb
oh helio centric we think,

gravity wise, it's all chaos, until, limit preposed

crystaline salt at its lifeless grandest, supposed

organized minds, informing seekers

to take it easy, thinking nothing
on the radio spectrum bumps

photons meandering
through optic fiber strands,

to land and assume you're
with me… wanna back track?

There's a movie
about this guy,
in my moment ago, who

knew so many things change,
with a little radiant energy

used
to think so many things,
with Turing Mental Machines

and time
and Von Neuman's longest
spiraling general truth
self replicating

across all actual paradigms projected,

into theaters that were palaces,
when they turned
on the lights,

to sweep trash strewn
by litter bugs,

and I was one, and I was many characters,

from the dramas that normalize us, or used
to
properly tuned, that pure note, you, in awe.

In the desert,
in the night, not
on TV, but went and did that,

by myself…

and only I saw, so these memories,

these are made up, you see,

some jokes, beau geste la joconde

madjalook, mused, not guiled, not guiledly
slight smile deep breath

twice. If it is fun
to make fun, why does it hurt?

Where does that hurt,

did I stomp your TOE?

I was kinda hoping, ai'n'all, truth trials

redeemed time, thinking Bic speed,
candle light, setting, one pocketbook

paperback writer beat it ****** hoh-ee

woe is we who watched it all fade away,

laughing at the worth
of living, winning,

like,
a year and counting

after three focused bolts of lightning

while we were honest
to god flying,
while dying, honest, helicopter
came and got me
and I did not

stay dead, they jolted me into

right now.

Whenever I think about the odds of this
or that… you never know all things, this

way, at truepuregnosishit preparation,

- wait, what if… interuption erupts,
- a laughing sigh, nnnand gate do-overy coo

harmless Feynman joke three gates back

hoh-ee means woe,
in the KJV, so we know.
repetition, proverbs lead somewhere.
Not magic, iusta thinking, instance deja vued
he ja way per se
a bit, snippet, voices in the hall, children and grandma

all watching fourteen seasons of NCIS, and,

that's this today here, spring forwarded, and

thinking this happens
at breathe-ing speeds, I love it

drifting, practice dementia, musing, practicing harmonica

alone,
on a hill, breathe-ing
with a mossy granite wall time speckled beside me,

I can imagine we all did it just

this once

just this.

Fair trade rabbit hole, hooks
Dodgson, dominated Disneyified

first seen through the smoke
from the loge for smokers,
in front of the projector,

you've seen the scenes, cartoons
in the smoke
on its way

almost any way
that's beautiful.

Look at me,
a bit or a tad too high, pleasantly

aware we were reaching past
last
grasp

stretching to think lively.