Canto I. Long ago and far away...

Under the bridge across the Kankakee River, Grampa found me. I was busted for truancy. First grade. 1946.

Summer and after school: Paper route, neighborhood yard work, dogsbody in a drugstore, measuring houses for the county, fireman EJ&E railroad, janitor and bottling line Pabst Brewery Peoria. 1952-1962.

Fresh caught Mississippi River catfish. Muddy Yummy. Burlington, Iowa. 1959. Best ever.

In college, Fr. ***** usually confused me with my roommate, Al. Except for grades. St. Procopius College, 1958-62. Rats.

Coming home from college for Christmas. Oops, my family moved a few streets over and forgot to tell me. Peoria, 1961.

The Pabst Brewery lunchroom in Peoria, a little after dawn, my first day. A guy came in and said: "Who wants my horsecock sandwich? ****, this first beer tastes good." We never knew how many he drank. 1962.

At grad school, when we moved into the basement with the octopus furnace, Dave, my roommate, contributed a case of Chef Boyardee spaghettios and I brought 3 cases of beer, PBRs.  Supper for a month. Ames. 1962.

Sharon and I were making out in the afternoon, clothes a jumble. Walter Cronkite said, " President Kennedy has been shot…”. Ames, 1963.

I stood in line, in my shorts, waiting for the clap-check. The corporal shouted:  "All right, you *******, Uncle and the Republic of Viet Nam want your sorry *****. Drop 'em".  Des Moines. Deferred, 1964.

Married and living in student housing. Packing crate furniture. Pammel Court, 1966.

One of many undistinguished PhD theses on theoretical physics. Ames. 1967.

He electrified the room. Every woman in the room, regardless of age, wanted him, or seemed to. The atmosphere was primeval and dripping with desire. In the presence of greatness. Palo Alto, 1968.

US science jobs dried up. From a mountain-top, beery conversation, I got a research job in Germany. Boulder, 1968. Aachen, 1969.

The first time I saw automatic weapons at an airport. Geneva, 1970.

I toasted Rembrandt with sparkling wine at the Rijksmuseum. He said nothing. Amsterdam International Conference on Elementary Particles. 1971.

A little drunk, but sobering fast: the guard had Khrushchev teeth.
Midnight, alone, locked in a room at the border.
Hours later, release. East Berlin, 1973. Harrassment.

She said, "You know it's remarkable that we're not having an affair." No, it wasn't. George's wife.  Germany, 1973.

"Maybe there really are quarks, but if so, we'll never see them." Truer than I knew.  Exit to Huntsville, 1974.

On my first day at work, my first federal felony. As a joke, I impersonated an FBI agent. What the hell? Huntsville. 1974. Guess what?-- No witnesses left! 2021.

Hard work, good times, difficult times. The first years in Huntsville are not fully digested and may stay that way.

The golden Lord Buddha radiated peace with his smile. Pop, pop. Shots in the distance. Bangkok. 1992.

Accomplishment at work, discord at home. Divorce. Huntsville. 1994. I got the dogs.

New beginnings, a fresh start, true love and life-partner. Huntsville. 1995.

Canto II. In the present century...

Should be working on a proposal, but riveted to the TV. The day the towers fell and nearly 4000 people perished. September 11, 2001.

I started painting. Old barns and such. 2004.

We bet on how many dead bodies we would see. None, but lots of flip-flops and a sheep. Secrets of the Yangtze. 2004

I quietly admired a Rembrandt portrait at the Schiphol airport. Ever inscrutable, his painting had presence, even as the bomb dogs sniffed by. Beagles. 2006.

I’ve lost two close friends that I’ve known for 50-odd years. There aren’t many more. Huntsville. 2008 and 2011.

Here's some career advice: On your desk, keep a coffee cup marked, "No Whining", that side out. Third and final retirement. 2015.

I occasionally kick myself for not staying with physics—I’m jealous of friends that did. I moved on, but stayed interested. Continuing.

I’m eighty years old and walk like a duck. 2021.

Letter: "Your insurance has lapsed but for $60,000, it can be reinstated provided you are alive when we receive the premium." Life at 81. Huntsville, 2022.

Canto III: Coda

Honest distortions emerging from the distance of time. The thin comfort of fading memories. Thoughts on poor decisions and worse outcomes. Not often, but every now and then.

(Begun May 2016)

Woody   Poems  

22s
Ergo wherever I go: HP Nazis
19m
You've got to be ******* me? This is now "Under Review".
2h
Ergo the thumb

I truly believe that Eliot
is working on his Ph.D
in Psychology, and we at HP
many fine poets and good peeps
along with a handful of miscreants
(Probably Trumpian Nazis if you ask me)
are simply a part of a hypothesis he
(That being Eliot, the aspiring Psychologist)
is testing to see how good and bad humans
interact in societal mediums (so sad)
though seems such an obvious outcome
does he (Eliot, I mean) really need
that silly down-turned ******* thumb
to become a man of lettered degree?
Seriously, seems kind of dumb, me thinks.


*This was in the notes:

Please, you fine scholars sitting on his dissertation committee, just give him his letters, or not, and tell him to move on with the silly thumb thingy. It's become such a bore, like those attention ****** who like to employee it.
Grow a sense of humor and get rid of the freakin' down-thumb, HP Police.
Woody
Written by
Woody  In the dark woods.
            
18        Jean Fisher and r

r Mission accomplished for now. Go ahead and put both of us in the woodshed.

r interesting how quickly you made those -7 to - 9 hearts disappear on Smell of lonesome.

r  While you’re at it, HP POLICE, take a look at all of the negative thumbs on my poem The smell of lonesome. When are you going to do something about this kind of harassment? It’s not me I give a **** about. Other poets can’t even comment without getting thumbed-down. That creates censorship out of fear of even commenting on someoneelse’s poem. Do something about that and I’ll take your “under review” ******* serious.

0


1m
r

r  You go, Woody. Time for HP Nazis to pay attention to the harassment and those doing the harassing rather than censorship of poets pointing out the flaw in the **** thumbs-down *******.

0


11m

She walks backwards faking a laugh, a slight smile framing her face, i can tell she is not fully comfortable. The way she is clutching on to her drink and the wandering eyes clue me in to her feelings of easiness. His level of drunk is complete opposite of her, she is sober, he is towering over and his hands just barely touching her, but i can see it in his eyes. His intentions are that of someone who is not fully innocent, and i know for a fact that what he wants is more than just to form a new friendship, he wants something else. He leans in a little bit more and she lets out a nervous laugh as she backs into a wall. Thats when my voice calls out for him to back off. I tell him that shes clearly not interested, that his advances are not wanted, his slurred words are not compliments and what hes doing has a name its called ****** harrassment. He moves back and puts his hands up as if to say im not guilty of anything. After he ends up on the other side of the room She looks to me, lets out a relieved sigh, a smile on her face, she mouths thank you. I nod because this isnt the first time ive seen a situation like this but is the first time ive truly recognized it, this is the first time ive ever spoke up. And i feel good about it, relieved.
Later in the night he approaches me. Still drunk and reeking of hard liquor he looks at me and says you totally killed my game. Now i have two options. I could either apologize and pretend like his actions were completely okay or do the opposite and say how i really feel. Before even making a concsious decision i look up and say it's not a game, if theres only one player. I turn around and walk away. Now i know people would say that if she really didnt want it that she would have gotten up and walked away herself but see i know this isnt true. Girls, including myself, have been taught something else when were in situations like this. Society teaches us to be polite and nice as if disrespect deserves anything but the opposite, girls were taught to smile and shrug it off as if unwanted ****** advances are something we can just shrug off. As if **** is a game and were just supposed to play along. Girls, why do we act polite? Why when were uncomfortable and ill at ease do we plaster on a smile and pretend like this is how things are supposes to be, this is not how its supposed to be. We have the right to stand up and say no. We have the right to stand up and say go away i dont want you. We have the right to look you in the eye and tell you to *******, we are not voiceless creatures, we are strong Fearless women who need to look out for eachother because I learned along time ago that if we dont, noone else will. So stand up when you see her being cornered by a stranger, speak out when you see him drape his arms around her, if she seems nervous, make her feel secure, because if you look out for someone when they cant find the words to get away then someday they might just do the same for you. **** being polite and sweet and nice, it is your ******* right to say how you feel, dont ever be afraid to voice your uncomfort, you are not alone. And I was alone the night that the same situation happened to me and at the time society had forced me to believe that all i could do was just smile and stand there powerless and weak. I wish that someone had seen the uncertainty in my eyes and body language, i wish that someone had stood up and told him to back off, i wish that i had had the voice to speak up. And even though i didnt then, im speaking up now. Im speaking up for all the girls like me, girls who consantly are in these situations, the polite victims who couldnt find it in them to tell him to leave them alone, for the girls who are shamed for saying no, for the girls who get called *****, it is not your fault you werent asking for it. For the girl whos smiling despite extreme uneasiness, i want you to know im looking out for you. And as for every girl out there, you should be too.

Another day has passed by
The moon illuminates up high
Shining through the window's blinds
The cold wind begun to crawl behind

The crickets I hear made me unknot
Such a stressful day for a youth
A day of harrassment became so blunt
A part of me was lost like a missing tooth

I was intimidated by the fact
The truth that I was bullied by the society
Daggers of words are still intact
Cornering me in a room full of despondency

I let people disgust me
I let them misjudge my sincerity
I let the day becomes my misery
I let the day becomes the night of melancholy

Tick-tock-tick-tock
Here it comes, it's three o'clock
It's time for happiness until five
It's the moment of being alive

Finally, I have found peace
Where my heart is feeling glee
In a jocund room that I please
A room that has Him and me

It was then three o'clock;
where my soul peacefully lays
Wandering like a soft cloud
And the chirping of birds play
I thank God for being loved.

Majestic eyes glow. Our hearts already know. Destiny will make it so.

Our beauty appears through the years. The direction our path steers. Our ambitions collide. Big hearts open wide. Generous & giving. Celestial happiness is alive & living. Strong minds with souls are kind. Your spirit love will seek & find. Unbreakable bonds bind.
Sacred connections unshatter.
A family to protect. & love, is all & everything that matters.
Envy is brutal & batters.
Aggravation disorder clutters & clatters.
Flirting harrassment unflatters.
A vision of hope develops.
Perfection is distorted & interrupted.
Childhood's get corrupted.

I used to be ignorant
Despising culture and language.
But now I see hurt
Fear
Anger
Frustration
Hunger
Instability.
Over thousands of miles away they cry and dream.
Like me.
They grew up faster than me.
Became more cautious of death.
For its mask is not as hard as its bite.
Whispers of muerte slither through the gusty winds at day and night.
Women and man disappear into this muerte mist.
It slips into their dreams as they sleep on trains.
Jolts them awake at times,
Falling to another ground of death.
For this muerte hangs on like a burden,
Waiting for the bandits to arrive,
To follow their shadows
Then leave the ***** work to them.

Violation
   Slaughter
     Harrassment
       Theft
         ****
           Barbarism
            Fresh Prey

This is only the beginning of these actions.
Running doesn't escape their fate.
Insomnia pumps their veins.
Exhaustion wears heavier than the thick skin.
Muerte masks cover the faces.
Women
  Men
    Children
      Babies

It laughs and taunts at their survival.
They can't see these masks or stop them.
It's a struggle in itself to keep that omen away.
They know them too well.
Smell too many scents of fear.
Hate to see these people strive for a new life that they were meant to live.
There is more power over the border of America than what we hear.
The innocent voices of the dead sing to everyone of all colour, but our ears won't wake up.
We are more dead than they are.
Los inmigrantes necesitan ayudar con su nueva vida.
Tenemos esperanza!
That's just a phrase that gets thrown now like a piece of paper tossed in the wind.
Like knowing the sun rises and sets.
No one here cares about the struggle or hears the sound of the muerte masks.
Working families are the ones dying,
and these muerte masks are thriving.

Why can’t you text her 37 times?
In the last hour
Hell, add a couple of calls in between
Knowing that your numbers been blocked
And she’ll never see a single thing
You’re saying. They’re wasted words.
Feel good yet, loser?
****.

Why can’t you check if she’s online?
On that stupid dating website,
Every few minutes.
Trying to figure out the exact moment,
She used it less, and put the pieces together
That she’s met someone else.
****.

Why can’t you find that guy?
That she wouldn’t stop talking about,
Throughout your whole relationship,
And bash his ******* skull in,
With the sharpest edge of the rock
That you seen, while skipping them,
At that park…
You know the one with pond?
When you got ice cream and told her,
This was the happiest you’ve been in years.
You were just reminded of that day
Weren’t you?
****.

Why can’t you let go?
Accept that it’s over, like she told you to,
Months ago while she hung around,
Just to keep you happy.
Even though,
She was always one step ahead…
Sadly, that foot was out the door.
****!

Why can’t you move on?
You’re probably crying again as you read this.
It’s only the fifth breakdown today,
You’re adjusting to the feeling now right?
Maybe the next girl you blow it with will be the one!
There’s a cheerful thought.
But you’ll be too busy thinking about the last,
And you’ll **** it up,
Just like you’ve done, with everyone else since
That day she packed up and moved out.
Because nobody but her, can make you feel,
How she felt, along with those stupid 2pm calls,
When she was on break at work
So what if they woke you up?
That Is what kept you going, because
Her voice  was music to your ears
When the rest of the world was nothing but noise.
****!

After the realization hits that she was the one,
And you’ll never do better.
That You’re just a mentally ill, ex to her..
The one that she tells to every guy she meets,
How you would call 37 times in a row,
16 missed calls in the morning,
And a dozen emails you wrote during
Those key moments,
When everything was falling apart.
And because she wouldn’t reply once.
...You put the *** in harrassment...

You probably think you’re better off dead
Well, you’re right.
…. ****.

I love the way peace between soul's
Accomplish my dreams
And the way people love
Beside men or women,
Rich or poor,
Without racism,
That's my wish.


My dream,
A better place to wander,
For a maiden
With no scare of being molested or harrassment
Without being judged
Without Being toring clothes
But with much love and freedom

I wish the world would
End wars,
And permeate tranquility.

I wish the Syrian Shaheed people's loved one's
Acquired justice in a way they want it to be.

I wish my country no longer
Cares cast but humanity.

I wish a world without being judged
Or the world wouldn't have witnessed self assassination.

I wish the world wouldn't be cruel
As it would have made people battling to sew
See a ray of hope.

I wish the world would care about the interest
Not about the some random marks on a random subject,
Not about what aunties says,
Not about what success person say,
Not about what pays the most.
I wish the world would finally get
That
It's the passion that matters the most,
I wish the world would finally get
That
It's the passion that matters the most.
Not every one wants to be a doctor or an engineer,
Let the soul be what it wants to be.

Let's just not burry someone into
Something hatred.

Let's just permeate love
Amidst the vibe of lovelessness

Let's just scream that we are beautiful just
The way we are.
Let's just shout standing on the rooftop,
We are beautiful being us.
Let's just prove,
It's the heart matters most
Than the fancy clothes worn.

It's the vision matters most
Than the fancy stories in Instagram

Let us be weird
Crazy,
Mad,
And be
A physco

Because we love
Just the way we are.

Just the way we are

I can't even fathom what goes through the minds of such men who commit such horrendous crimes..another girl brutally ***** in India,with her corpse burnt..

This is just one of the million cases that have come up in our country,excluding ones which are not even reported..

I think it's high time we men start taking some action..the best way to tackle a situation is to destroy it at it's root level.i.e.educating young men that they should respect women by default..

Whenever i hear or read such instances,i wish that i was a vigilante and could go **** all these men who bring a shame to our country..and i'm sure even other sensible men also feel the same way..

Here's what we can do to stop these atrocities from occurring each day..

1.Stop objectifying women: Women are not to be termed as "bundi","maal","****" and many more terms cause it doesn't make us realise that they're human beings,just like us and should be addressed as per their names ..Phrases like "cover the face,**** the base" gives men a false sense of satisfaction,thinking women are "trophies" and lustful objects that are born only to satisfy our desires and don't have a mind of their own..If you know people who use such kind of phrases or if you are among them too..please refrain from using those terms and stop hanging out with such people and tell them their mentality and structure of thinking is damaged and need to re-wire themselves.

2.Be vigilant: If you ever see someone or a bunch of people trying to harass/violate someone,report the authorities immediately and try to stop them from doing so..beat them up if you want to..it's your duty as a citizen to look after one another..
Even if it's someone of your own blood,don't hesitate..cause such people are not humans,they're monsters.Such behaviour is never to be condoned.

3.Seek help:This is for those who have gone through such traumatic/near death experiences,please TALK to someone,anyone whom you can trust...don't restrain within..and Men ..please make women in your life comfortable around you and aprroachable..so that they can rely on you in their darkest times..it's never easy to confide in someone..so respect their decision ..don't lie to them or ignore and give false hope..

4.Stop Fake allegations:Women,humble request, don't put somebody's life in danger by putting fake allegations of **** and harrassment on them,cause it's like the story of "The Boy who cried Wolf"..when it happens to you for real,no one will come to your aid,so stop playing with other people's lives to boost your ego.It's not gonna mount to anything..it endangers lives of actual victims of ****.

5.Consent is necessary:This one is probably the most important of them all,always ask for CONSENT..never try to force it,respect the other person's decision..
you have no right to violate anyone's body without their consent and don't even think about misleading them with false promises ..you men are the worst..these double faced idiots who pretend to be nice guys and exploit a girl's trust..if you want to impress a girl,do it with your own personality,don't fake it...she'll realise sooner or later...It's because of you guys ,women in our country sometimes misjudge guys who are actually very nice and humble..SHAME on you scumbags..

These are some points that i wanted to make..REMEMBER, Respect and humility should be there by default,it shouldn't be demanded..BE a responsible citizen and put an end to this demonic crime.

i never intend to be sarcastic or bitter--in this arena of self indulgence in thoughts i have always tried to put back my filthy(i call them oftenly) thoughts and just concenterate on piles of work that never make me to sleep peacfully, yet antagonist to this theory , i am relieved, for it prevent putting burden of stress on my super sensitive nerves...


still, without being sarcastic, i hate this suffocated speech i put as a  conversation inside my dwindling head and answer them so confidently, that i go speechless and comatose...


i hate being used as a woman,(although i am a woman , being not of a kind), being used is just the worst feeling ever.


not being able to put it into words, i have always loothed my cowardly act, so many voices smtyms i beseech inside me coz of fear of assault...


i hate to admit my heart goes into long pausatic chaos, in which i dwell even if storm passes away, so strongly it holds that crunches of broken pieces take time to gather back into altered shape.....


feminism and its harrassment at all level , abduction at gross or micro level is totally condemned by my my thought, wat i need is loud voice, an affirmative point of view to make myself believe that there exist a life in me!!!



i need to put back them in randomness, but i know its just anothr thought!!!

I like my silliness sometimes

and my utter seriousness
with tongue in cheek sometimes
just to add a little - like I say
my father called it - sense of humor.

An emphasis on how *******
should be prevented in civilizations
if at all possible - once again.

I'm trying to be funny -
cause we don't want a
decline and fall of the
American Empire
but the police - man's other
best friend besides a dog -
will prevent that
which brings me to this - what
my sister dear calls
perverts or this ****** harrassment business
is being made too big of a deal out of
not that it's a doable offense but
some of us don't like a crime wave
of old men after all.

Can a Lioness hurt her cubs?
Pluck their eyes, to save them from predators?
Can I really love and hurt?
If true love doesn't hurt, then why?
How different are these from Monkeys?
This is but an animal kingdom
Y'all should be sacrificed to the gods

Even Jupiter is dismayed
By these callous acts of mutilation
Filled with barbarism, rooted in ignorance
Who cursed Africa? Please tell me
That we may make atonements
And to say but the least
This happens, somewhere in Africa

If I were the Commander-In-Chief
I'll put you on a boat, sailing to nowhere
Make you a spectacle, an amusement to the crew
And cast you to yonder place down below
A feast for "Iye Moja" and her cohorts
Anyone who disrupts a natural course
Is to be banished amongst human

Leave our mammary glands and get a life
Whenever you exert pressure on her *******
With your hot pestle and iron
The beast in you manifest like a female Baboon
What shall it profit you flattening my *******
From which cup will my generation ****?
Education is the reason you wallow in ignorance

When did you ever teach me about sexuality
If hurting me is your way of making me unattractive
Will you also flatten my boisterous ***?
Or seal the city of pleasure between my legs
As ugly as a jungle Monkey is
Does it ever tire of making love?
****** harrassment and education is key
If you want to raise morally upright girls

If this inhuman procedure leads to complications
I'll never forget and forgive you my love
This is evil under the sun, somewhere in east Africa
Ignorance is not a reason for stupidity
Say "No" to to all of them
Stop all forms of culturally acceptable ****** harassment
Africa, wake up! Education is the key!
I'm an Advocate...