A Jersey girl came along
and I started to think about angles of yaw
needed to take flight,
how the force of a kick skirts
the delicate line between winning and losing.
I’ve seen it all before, but not like this. Besides, seeing
has nothing to do with believing.
Corneas can't capture the vibrations of molecules or excitations
of electrons. Champions defy biology,
overcome gravity and I believe what goes up
does not always come down.
I want to know the point where focus takes control
of epinephrine, who’s cascade is initiated by the roar of a crowd,
but negatively regulated by doubt,
when to take a long shot or build up slowly.
I want to live the difference between accuracy and precision,
taste the dirt, become painted with bruises and scorch my heart.
A flag is heaviest when you carry it,
lightest when it’s raised,
worn as a cape and allowed to wave in the wind.
Countries aren't build, they're created created
denying muscles oxygen but allowing them to taste gold.
It's ability to conduct electricity astounds me.
It’s not about alchemy
but transforming sweat into tears,
fixing nitrogen, reducing triglycerides.
Not all reactions need light, some create it.
It’s only over when there’s not enough energy for activation.

|♀︎|               The id (Latin for "it",German: Es)                     |☉|
                    is the disorganized part of the personality
                    structure containing basic human ♀︎
                                instinctual drives:    ☉        
             ♀︎                Id is the only component
                     of personality that is present from birth;
     it is the source of our ****** needs, wants, desires,
    & impulses, [          |     ♀︎  ] particularly our ******, aggressive drives.
The id contains the libido, which is the primary
  source of instinctual force that is unresponsive
  to the demands of reality:
The id acts according to the "pleasure principle"
—the psychic force that motivates the tendency
                                 to seek immediate gratification of any impulse—
    defined as seeking to avoid pain
or un-pleasure  (not "displeasure") ☉♀︎  
aroused by increases in instinctual           tension | ☉ | According to Freud
      id is unconscious by definition:
                                            ♀︎♀︎♀︎♀︎
­It is the dark,          supposedly                           inaccessible part of our brain; the personality,
                                 what little we know of it, we have learned
                              from our studies of dreams      and of course
                                      the construction of neurotic symptoms,
and most of that                                                      of a negative character
                                      can be described       only in direct contrast to the
                                      ego; [              ],
we approach the id with analogies: [                          ]   ♀︎
                              we call it chaos,
a cauldron            ☉♀︎         ♀︎        full of seething "excitations"
                                ...It is filled
with energy reaching it from the instincts
but has no organization,              producing a unified           collective will,
w/ only the striving                                       to bring about the satisfaction
                            of the instinctual needs to subject
                                                     to the observance  of     & compel
  obedience to
  the pleasure principle:
                                                      ­      ♀︎
  In the id:
                              ...contrary impulses exist side by side,
                                   without cancelling each other out. ...
There is nothing in the id that [             ]  could be compared with negation;
                              nothing in the id
                              which corresponds to the idea of time.

              Developmentally,                     ☉      ­                    id precedes
              (                 ), ego;
                                   i.e., the psychic apparatus begins
                                    at birth as an undifferentiated id,
         part of which then develops into the       ☉           structured ego
         Thus, the id:♀︎
                                                           ­                      ♀︎                  ♀︎    
...contains everything that is inherited,
that is present at birth, & is laid down in its constitution—
above all; therefore, the instincts,
which originate from the somatic organization,
and which find a first psychical expression here
        ☉          (in the id) in (ideal) forms unknown to "us"; [       |           ]

The mind of a newborn child is regarded
as completely "id-ridden", in the sense that it is a mass of instinctive drives and impulses and needs immediate satisfaction; ☉

The id "knows no judgments of value:
no good and evil, no morality;    ...Instinctual cathexes seeking discharge—that, in our view,             is all there is in the id."
It is regarded as "the great reservoir of libido",
the instinctive drive to create—the life instincts
               that are crucial to pleasurable survival;
               Alongside the life instincts come the death instincts—
                                       the death drive which Freud articulated
relatively late in his career (                                                                ­          ♀︎
                                                    ­       ) in "the hypothesis of a death instinct,
the task of which is to lead organic          life back into the inanimate state."
For Freud,                                               "the death instinct would thus seem
to express itself                                          —though probably only in part—
as an instinct of destruction directed against
the external world and other organisms" [Many religions use images to
                                            "represent" God in icons for art or worship]
                         The monad, an ancient symbol ♀︎
for the metaphysical Absolute.      ♀︎            Early science,
          particularly geometry and astrology and astronomy,
          connected to the divine for most medieval scholars;
         many believing there was something intrinsically ☉
           "divine" or "perfect" that could be found in circles:  ☉
                         In monotheistic thought, God is conceived   ♀︎  ☉
of as the Supreme Being and the principal object of faith:  ☉
The concept of God, as described by theologians,          ☉
commonly includes the attributes of omniscience                (all-knowing),
      ♀︎                     omnipotence (unlimited power),
                       omnipresence (present everywhere),  
       as having an eternal and necessary existence;
    Depending on one’s kind of theism,      ♀︎♀︎♀︎♀︎♀︎              ♀︎
    these attributes are used either in way of analogy, or in a literal sense as
                                   distinct properties of the God;       ♀︎♀︎♀︎
       ♀︎                         (                  )
God is most often held to be incorporeal                      (immaterial)
     In-corporeality   &       ♀︎        ☉                        corporeality of God
             are related to the conceptions of a transcendent
                     being outside nature & immanence;
                     the being in nature & the world of God,
  with positions of synthesis such as the
♀︎                 "immanent transcendence":  ♀︎                                  |       ♀︎♀︎♀︎
♀︎
Some religions describe                          ☉
                   ♀︎        ­                God without reference
to gender, while others use masculine terminology,
                    using such terms as "Him" or "Father,"
         |  and some religions (such as Judaism) |                                |
         |  attribute only a purely grammatical "gender" to God:       ♀︎
         |  through [                                ] aggression; ♀︎ Freud considered that
    "the id, the whole person, originally includes                            ♀︎
all the instinctual impulses;       the destructive                             ♀︎          
                   ♀︎                             instinct as well",                          ☉  
  ♀︎       ♀︎      as Eros or the life instincts: ♀︎♀︎♀︎♀︎♀︎  ☉  ☉  ☉  ☉♀︎
     Monad from the Greek word monos   ☉
or μονάς (from the word μόνος, which    ♀︎
means "one", "single", or "unique"),        ♀︎
             was referred to by the Greek ♀︎♀︎ ☉
philosophers as "The First", "The Seed", ♀︎
"The Essence", "The Builder",        ♀︎♀︎   ☉
"The Foundation."♀︎ They also called it   ♀︎
"Unity." Source: ☉ "Divine Proportion" ☉♀︎♀︎♀︎

Your eyes sing like a siren

wailing away my uncertainties

spiraling into endless eternities -

We explore uncharted seconds, momentary flashes of time,

together, casting echoes, shadows and stones

reflections glancing across the water, temporal excitations

reverberating across the plane that divides

the fading space between you and I.

I'm just a miserable bunch of quantum field excitations. A bag of bags of quarks. And so's my truck.

I was entangled with a gal, but things went South. We're still ensnared— unmeasured and immeasurable with no divorce.

Dark energy, dark matter, dark thoughts-- I'll go to the dark side and jump in a black hole.

That'll teach you,  bit....   [loss of signal]

-- 1 --


He has a need to expend his seed: it is a never-ending endeavour, the smack of wood against leather. In the hot rush to consummate his love he must burn a more energy-rich depravity -- must look for a certain seriousness, a gravity. Right now he is past the ‘******’ and the ‘hos’, “just girls,” he says, “just girls pretending to be women pretending to be *****,” and he wants to see real girls naked and ashamed and cutting themselves for money. He gets off on the very idea of people deforming themselves for his pleasure.



-- 2 --


Here he is, being driven by his car. At each corner he sees girls huddled together, sharing warmth. Their lips are locked in thin lines of glamour and they swap his salty substances without even the slightest tremor of desire. At their waists they hold daggers, levelled at each other’s bellies. All the better to cut out the cancer of pregnancy.




-- 3 --


His vices have turned to hate. So equanimous before, so confidential with his needs: now he does not just implore his occasional dates with the soft sad pressure of his bulging eyes; now he asks direct. “Dance for me,” he says, in the privacy of his own filth. “No, sexier,” he exhorts, imagining the first ****** excitations caused by an unspeakably illegal piece of *******. He blames them for having bodies that do this to him. He blames them.



-- 4 --


He blames them.

perhaps it is less than great,
maybe a poor mediocre,
but such as it is, is mine,
unique, and it gifts me
easy expression of my
experience, conveying
my excitations, aliving,
freely divining what’s
within and without,
and to exhale said
thoughts and
observations

si so

we can be apart and together,
touch without touching, e v e n
love each other with our e v e r
meeting and that miracle presents
and is a present, this presentation
of my cells impressed upon yours,
thus fashioning newly creative
combinations…

this is what I am thinking,
this is what I am divining,
this is what my reasoning,
permits, encourages, creates
and with your reading this,
cements us in ways unseen
all the b u t s…and hesitation
marks that disconnect us,
are sundered and we are
a forever till reason no longer
matters, or our cells can no
longer divide and recombine
and reproduce our memories,
which are our connective tissues…

nml
3:39am
10-20-24

"Work The Slow Work"


Work the slow work of diligent accomplishment
In the only now that does exist
Chimeracaly  no forced coercion can prevail
Relatively we bend and sway and break with fads
Hatred commercial excitations selfish desires
****** reflexive static cyclic molecular physics
Birth death birth death birth death
Ultimately i do not understand          therefore i am

As she lifts her nose from her notes
I wonder down which stream she floats.

Does she fancy pastel summer sunsets
whose calmly colored clouds conceal
a simple lapis blue beyond?

Does she set her sights further, forever far away --
are there glimmering galaxies gushing light and gravitation
while solar systems spin and dance in divine inebriation?

Perhaps her discretion is more discerning
and towards all minutiae her mind is turning.
Are cells pulsing gradients, chemically communicating
with energetic electric magic undulating?

Maybe those electrons evoke enticing excitations
and her shining silhouette's mere photonic  emanations.
Atoms flicker, fidgeting 'tween fleeting forces:
Protons, quarks, gluons, and other shifting sources.

Ah, but, now I find myself gently pondering:
because I know exactly where she is
I've no idea where she's wandering! (To an arbitrary precision.)

it is without guile or guilt

more a minor shock & swoosh,

that the power to please oneself

comes so easily without interference,

new and the familiar, a mixture of

stand alone, but jumbled, mumbling &

partying in concert, inflation inflicted

words within, falling out onto personal

plains of skin of human vegetation, into

human orifices to be tongue-tasted, be

drunk by ears open for sensuality, be

touched, fondled, pressed and creased

for storing in the bank of memory, by

irrigation of eye droplets falling from

all human’s white sight~gatherers, by

nostrils flaring, reddened by waves

of excitations and pleasured anticipations,

whenever your new combinations of

words intermingle me, a step closer to

a being, drinking in additions whole,

achieving a holier than previous

experience

As you flick the wand, one more time
Again in a 360 rotation, around,
From wall to door
Her lean torso serpentine coils, her mind cocked to spin
Memories she hasn’t felt since ancestors past
Nor this hunger for the hunt
Crouched low against the carpet fibers
Peeking through the lattice squares
The gaze, the stare, the pause
Of the dining chairs
The hunch, the pounce, the ****,
The finishing blow.
Grace and ferocity beyond what even Discovery could say
It’s all a game, illusion:
To catch is to win, but to catch will end the game
To chase is to win the excitement, but to lose?
But, ah, all is but frustrated
To lose, is the essence of the game
Chasing quantum excitations
Like that chance for a mouthful of pride
In pursuit
But a ghast, fleet of foot myth
She says in the semaphores of her midair leap
With delusions comes laughter,
I am the uninhibited one
Dancing for beasts.

I love the colorful clothes you wear
The way that it suits the skin so fair
Your perfume that lightens the air
The expression so daring
I think I'm fainting

You are like a song in the rain
Dancing on the streets and lanes
Your pitter-patter sounds pleasant
I must be dreaming of different seasons

But, I'm getting good excitations
I can't any more patient
I need your loving attention
This tension is killing me slowly
With each reaction

now

Work the slow work of diligent accomplishment
In the only now that does exist
Chimerically no forced coercion can prevail
Relatively we bend and sway and break with fads
Hatred commercial excitations selfish desires
****** reflexive static cyclic molecular physics
Birth death birth death birth death
Ultimately i do not understand          therefore i am