Damaged trust and marriage schemes
Held hostage in each others' dreams
Pinned to walls but flailing still
Forgotten values, failing wills
True love waits, we tell ourselves
True love gladly stacks the shelves
True love sets conditions and
True love does the dishes and
Slowly, slowly, we forget
Just why we're here and who we met
Another notch in wrinkled frowns
Where I keep getting lost and found
In roller-coaster ups and downs
I'm lost and lost and lost and found

Missing flights and toxic tongues
Catharsis found in tar-filled lungs
I lost myself in who I wasn't
And in what true love does and doesn't
Not quite gaslit, not quite safe
Playing back the ancient tape
We envy death for constancy-
Besmirching our own consciences
We forgo our emoluments
Too traumatized by precedents
But hush you tell me, no one knows
The pretzel-bending ways we grow
Forever twisting round and round
Lost and lost and lost and found

Now freaking out, now breaking down
Now glaciers found in evening gowns
Now agonizing 'Who am I?'s
Now dying fire in your eyes
At last the sunset settles debts
We tally up our last regrets
Relenting to incessant ghosts
Abandoning essential posts
'Til all that's left is loss and hurt
It burns and burns and burns and burns
And now I choke on orders filled
And mourn alone the youth we killed
I scrape the comb across my nettles
Pricking feelings, bleeding mettle
Finally free from ups and downs,
I find myself on solid ground

in state of REM a succubus looks
upon me as if, I'm tainted; the
intensity of his stare mars my
soul.

besmirching...

every thought of self-elucidation
and I cringe under his watchful
eye; raking my skin with daggerlike
curiousity, sniffing, while I crumble
in openmouth terror.

he descends upon me swiftly; eyes
darting from head to toe piercing me,
into a trance I fall, as if, Dracula has
entered upon spread wings

transforming...

to full humanlike form and stained
teeth sink deep in vein *******
life's blood like a cool soda pop
fizzling with every sip.

savoring...

its pungency in dark delight,
smelling me like I'm a blood
tinged rose.

dripping...

and I awaken upon soaking wet
sheets in trepidities blood
curdling screams.

it's possible to lose yourself in loneliness

at some point
my solo reflection that
gazed back into
glassy hollow unequal pupils
began to claw hungrily at the glass
bated breath fogging the
thin membranous divider
keeping back the
unadulterated
most abject terror

that wooden grain
geometrically containing the
image who must stay
hidden in the holy of holies
or risk the ruin of all
things

she beats against the glass
that wraith girl with the
sutured mouth and
blinded eyes
and skin who cries out
for the slice of liquid mirror shards
and grasps the edges
of that rectangular prison
jagged pieces sliding sensually
keys into forbidden locks
surgically opening
the red liquorish vines
pulsing with a viscous
pungent poison
just underneath
onion paper skin

her nails scrape lead paint chips
off the crumbling frame
and i take them into myself
sewing them with the care
of a grandmother's arthritic hand
into the warm moist black
i can ever count on

she falls
like a newborn foal
glistening with those
maternal fluids
the literal matrix of life
hesitant steps on the
feet from that other dimension
where laws diverge and
perception is not relative
but horridly absolute

how can she manage
that leap which
knocks me straight out of my body
astrally exiled from myself
and filled to the brim
with a ghost girl
marionette
with painted sanguine smile
and strings attached
at each one of my joints
moving me with a flick
of some nameless fear

i think i spent too much time
trying to reconcile
the foreign body whose
defection left me howling with
a fiery bloodlust and an
insatiable hunger to vaporize those
staining contaminants
those long chain fatty acids that
deposit like stones in my pockets
weighing me down to the
river bed
whose mirror still reflects
the graven image of
a sinner-saint
whose sallow complexion
demonstrates her devotion
and in her death
faith
though her sacrifice was no
crucifixion to relieve me
of any of my
transgressions
or prevent me from
besmirching the god
i'm not sure i totally believe in

how do i give myself to you
and banish the apprehension
that comes with the
crash landing of me into
this corporeal form
stolen from me ages ago

how do i tell you that
when your hands trace
the curvaceous line of this body
that it feels like a fire's touch
scorching me to the bone
burning me at the stake of
my inadequacy and simultaneous
excess

it's too much.

Your emotionally dilated eyes,
Your supple rosy lips,
Your star embossed body,
Your sonorous voice,
Your mellifluous music of words,
Your mystical aura,
You’re magic.
Your angel envying face,
Your soaring grace,
Your burning passions,
Your reflecting bliss,
Your besmirching confidence,
Your temporal madness,
Your look of despondecy.
Your rainbow smile.
Your moonbeam walk of life.
Your sunshy love.
Your,
You.

besmirching the Presbyterians
all dolled up
pretending they don’t drink
and fornicate
for dollars
down at the stop’n’save,
a low chuckle rises
the pits of hell never heard such a guttural and robust howl
my face distorts at the hypocrisy of their lives
small narrow-minded hate-mongers
doing everything they can conceive
to impose their will on others
to force their beliefs
down the hearts and minds and, yes
the throats
of any culture they come in contact with
invoking “god’s work”
while spreading disease and poverty –
blame the Baptists!
it was they who confined the natural people of America
to starve on barely habitable plots of desert
until uranium was discovered
then pushed them to the very edge of extinction
for a few more corporate dollars
in the collection plate…..
heathens rarely tip –
Smash the seculars!!
they continue to punish their sons and daughters
over genetically predisposed lifestyles
while touting grace and faith
in the most high authority
which basically means
they are above man’s law
having forgotten, it was men
who wrote god’s law –
oh hypocritical little lamb
your head and *** do not really belong together
in a perfect union
they should be separate
you know, like the founders intended
with the state and your *****, *****, churches
the same churches
where young boys are *****
for Jesus –

happenstance collided, coincided, coagulated, et cetera
with hormonally graphic, dumbfounded circumstance
hence, only by a fluke did I manage
to worm winning trust
among Christmas elves and reindeer
vowing confidence
as a confidante sans this generic guy,

would never breach insidious, impious,
illustriously scandalous
tidbits, into a an underground impregnable
air-raid shelter, the motley crue
tied blindfold over my eyes, didst steer
me hermetically sealed
sound (cloud) proof coed bunker,

though escapades emanated noise asper a clunker
subsequently followed by wail of “just dunk her,”
while ensconced (security detail munchkins,
who just so happened tubby queer
minded entrance portal)
only after getting the thumb up signal,

whereat nose pies planted
espionage surveillance devices
the chief head honcho and attendents,
Smoky and the bandits respectively,
magically, andhandily did ap pear

and despite one hundred percent bug free,
a whispered stance opted just to make sure
no unwanted eavesdropper could overhear
plus every participant swore an oath, cuz

any leaked real or “FAKE” information,
would spell imminent demise to be near
the upshot, sans grave emergency
describing clandestine arraignment
involving some rogue elf
(most likely at least two),

and a misbehaving reindeer
(names withheld to avoid any spoiler alert,
plus this entire kit and caboodle
necessary to help Saint Nick

got wind, (and subsequently reined in)
a rave orgiastic party
with orgamsic oohs and aahs
***, drugs and rock and roll,

that a band aided elf(ves)
laced with Pepper Minstix
(anonymously hashtagged
***** and Gomorrah)
sullied pure as the driven snow repute,

when alias Sugarplum Mary (“FAKE NAME”)
detected snorting *******
code named Alabaster Snowball,
while additionally
besmirching her virginity

via ****** cavorting
amidst a Bushy Evergreen
shaking as if frenzied
with feverish boogie woogie flu

which seductive, prurient,
and master baiter friend zeed
(spunky gangnum style) Shinny Upatree
which could slay Wunorse Openslae reputation
as substance abusers,
and *** offenders if not worse.

What has brought the lowly one low,
What meandering thoughts, and what does he know?
What a life fraught with tragedy, woe,
What dismal plot to this poor man’s show?

The laborer staring and coldly he stares,
What is it, the limelight, the graying of hairs?
The soothing of rapture within sweet despair?
The timid ignoble ones laughing in corners,
Throwing their lots for the counting of days,
The days counting down till’ the noble man flounders,
Founting up life out in sweet love’s decay.

Ignoble ignoble they rash do scorn,
“Trouble, trouble, this man’s forlorn!
How do we tap him, how do we stop?
How do we privilege him out every drop?
How do we take him for furthest life’s course,
The limiting octave to settle his score?
How do we push him out to that edge,
And batter his brain with our dusty pledge:
‘So let it be written so let it be done,
And let not the better one have all the fun.’”

Thus laughing maniacally pledge do they speak,
Besmirching the fearful and shaming the weak.
Yet mind for cold recollection he calls,
Looking back to himself the lowly one maws,
He to his eating, his dinner, he paws,
Straightened the center of life and its jaws.

The carbon copy told me he'd box my ears in if I didn't shut my mouth
His threat is concise
But I disregarded it entirely
Now I'm cockeyed
And entirely pumbled

Go on
Keep on dropping names
Insinuate that she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth
We need another you like we need a hole in each of our heads

Show me precisely where you gave it to her good
Show me the love stains on the bed sheets
We're you shooting blanks?
I think so

I'm done with this guy and all this idle blathering and his besmirching of the reputations of people he doesn't even know

The fishes worship the sun and the moon
Some leave the surety of water for a quick , clear -
image of their beauty and authority
Others swim unsure , besmirching their
brethren for believing such folly  , sinking
into the depths to escape the majority
Schools of followers forming religious
cliques , casting anger toward the bottom -
dwelling fish
Voracious congregations in a feeding -
frenzy , growing larger , never ending
One day a strange sight did appear
Reverend Grouper calmed the church -
declaring " the angels are here "
They floated to the surface where they were -
quickly netted , the command of the pastor -
was soon regretted
The agnostics and the atheist continue to
'lay low' , timidly swimming from rock to coral to
hole* ....

Hello then goodbye
that's what a crazy girl once said then
spelling two four letter words
one that began with s and the other ends with C K
detriment
Probably Californian for rest in peace off the edge
of a pier then disrespectively placed beneath the pylons
bequeathed lack of knowledge "baby lamb'

It's a jiffy the mind of images moments that the
Witch refuels the same ****** game, that which is a same namesake
as mission from effort

Faulkner or Neruda each gets to the telephone
they have a writ of wit the right to disposition.....
Only I know the city is writhing
awaiting to indemnify the files of compulsory opportunity
as simply that sneering besmirching and scolding at their delight

A clown in a diamond cloud writing
only another storm when cause and
Keto and foreign and season tickets 'oh they only seek the same storm of lightening and receptions
of the slaps that belie truth as the norm

Attack, how mean was this merriment and a reach that supposedly was noted
as the free way to reveal simply... I know I'm ******

Yet words, a wife, a new girl, get on after that school girl, she moves and shows,
perhaps even a devalued face of the clock/ when grace solutions are fare
from the free norm and dissolving chemicals are back form
the(Guatemala) chicly revolution that cleans the houses and divines the water

Ahh such moorings in the swamps of the castles Christian permitting the crimped curls,
each associated table cloth was a certain tear
as the table was set

Each name writes an analogue and for truth the personal novella.(tell me something I don't know),
yet now and only now this opportunity shows the same place that all is so ****** stupid...
words can have only deviances so our reverie junctures allow

Form a game of great philosophies, we're at the games of realities,
yet such embarrassment of the errors that were left behind,
discover that these word games of humanity allow...
performance as the morality

Rather than all else fails,
continue to consider
the seasons for detriment,
the dirt of grim inner self reflection can also be indeed
the formulation from which all are playing their *****
& might even be the vitriol on the way to amorous
fluff which in turn entailed the solutions for redemption for frailty or numerous flack and epistemology
rain through the rain to return to 22nd century reality

This is a long one!  But it’s an answer.  Yes?  

      Do More Research

“Do more research!”
That’s what I told my doctor
When he said, “I have no answer”,
I responded, “Do research!”
To which he answered,
Nether jokingly nor mocking me.
"I’ve got all these patients… masses… “

I said, “Then it’s up to you to do some more!
It helps the rich, it helps the poor.
If I am helped, it will help all,
The big, the small.”
He’d  put me on the spot.
He said, “Perhaps you’s like to change your doc?”
It shocked, of course.
My only course was to reply,
-Oh me, oh my! Of course I don’t!
And then I left.

Reliant on a Google font,
On Wiki- this, or Wiki- that!
My only course, of course,
Was to search on my own.
Research my illness up and down,
A clown in search of a solution.

If I may, a not-too-nice person
Offering advice to a profession,
Indispensable to all and each,
Not besmirching and/or preaching,
I say this: Do more research!

We, but wretches without knowledge,
You, eight stretched out years at college!
With your know-how, you know how to fetch the facts.
So act! We’re waiting for a salve
To work on our finite behalf.
March straight right to the books you have,
And do research. It’s us you save!

You and we are all betrothed.
Do not leave us in the lurch.
It’s in your oath.
You with all your education.
Medicine, its limitation.
Do more research!

Do More Research 7.27.2020 Our Times, Our Culture II; Circling Round Experience; Arlene Nover Corwin

Post mortem courtesy
Doctor Demento yielded
Lady Liberty lies slain...
videre licet knocked senseless
from brutal blows upon her crown
simultaneously shouldering existential crisis
triggered nervous breakdown
though rendered mute
sound of silence doth expound.

Forsooth impeachment hearings
rendered him immune
to chastisement, insurrection
he did foment, blithely
skirting impairment appertain
blood on hands of
self important president,
though alcohol he doth abstain,
nonetheless permanent drunken stupor
doth wax and wain

finger of guilt
damaging democracy points
to him as chief villain
groomed since... time immemorial
atavistic primate brain
bathed (courtesy Frederick Christ Trump)
buzzfeeding chosen favored heir
go for broke – as a red badge of courage
bankrupt countless times
and pulled out all stops,

viz unbridled thundering,
espousing philosophy gain
amass wealth, unscrupulous
if necessary where,
might equals right cold play'n
deadly serious game (Life) train
sight squarely and/or roundly
scattered lovely bones
amidst tombstones testimony
incidental secondary fallout main

part and parcel, where legerdemain,
plus art of the deal linkedin
with immeasurable gloating
ego necessary to gain
con fetter writ oligarchy plain
successfully cheating, hocking,
milking, quaffing, and trending,
yielding dynastic rule
trumpeting eternal and carnal
stormy Daniels reign

vaping with wealthy
zealotry (think vain)
at electorate expense
tampering koolaid acid test
courtesy illegals sown GMO grain
colluding when/where possible,
never losing sight regarding
selfish mission to attain
obligatory ideal tyranny
rampantly running roughshod,

no need to explain
writing sleight underhanded profane
antithetical, critical, heretical quatrain
badgering, belittling, besmirching,
bilking, boasting, bragging with disdain
flagrantly flaunting, fleecing,
regarding purported B.S. degree
in economics he did attain
matriculating Wharton School of law,
hmm... methinks he paid

hireling from Ukraine
forever flirting, flouting, and flunking
even basic geography questions
case in point being
where is Drury Lane
additionally, he ain't
no literati familiar
storied quasi fiction Citizen Kane.