Today is one of those days that makes you feel just nauseous
Today is not a very good day to be so self-conscious
Today is one of those beatdown days
The days that make think you’re in a phase
Of life.

Today is like the day you find your crush kind of hates you.
Today is the day you’re almost starting to hate food.
Today is not the kind of day you just give up and faint
Into the arms of some unwilling, kindly saint.

You think today couldn’t be worse but just imagine how it could.
Actually never mind it’d be stranger if you would.
Today is one of those days you think is about to **** you.
But maybe that’s just because you aren’t seeing the whole view.

Today is one of those days that makes you just a little bit cautious.
Today is one of those days you wish you had something like phosphorus.
Although I'll never say it loud,
I think my story I have found.

Today might be a beatdown, but you have to see tomorrow.
Because sunrises are beautiful to take pictures of.

So I hope I see you tomorrow.

Get your finery on and let the games begin,
Blackout suit, purple shirt, and a tie to match
those gleaming eyes.

The dinner was alright
now get ready to fight. White powder on the counter,
A dusted card and a rolled-up fiver.

Codine chills, calm instilled,
Colorful lights, relaxed thrills.

Later on and we're back in black.
Hometown beatdown. Go hard, get smashed.

Messy nights never get old,
River of glass across a broken road.
Tonic wine's best served cold, its medicinal properties
remain unknown. The sweet nectar, a bottle of B
to resurrect me.

Just the end of another debutante night,
Staying classy while we drink and fight.

I enter my class around eight thirty three.  The teacher gives me a stern stare.....making feel as though I shouldn't be there.  I shrug my shoulders because I fail to see....the cause of the attitude....she didn't wake up next to me.

We had a test and I tried to study .....but the book studied me. I really want a good score....but my efforts were poor.  Too busy lolly gagging and talking to my friends at the store.

I'm sitting at my desk with my notes in view.....a student walks over and pushes my things on the floor......and states " I really don't like you."
A little startled and caught off guard.....I gather my things from the floor and say "is that true?....I haven't even done anything to you."

I never liked you and today will be total hell for you.  Don't worry about the test.....worry about what I'm going to do.  He had the peanut gallery who were making comments and instigating ......anticipating the chaos that was awaiting.  Meanwhile, I'm debating my immediate situation and I'm seeking some type of instruction.

I look to the teacher and of course .....she has a blank stare and says " I didn't see nothing."  Class, quiet down and clear off your desks.  It is now time to take your highly anticipated test.  The hint of humor didn't help me a bit.  I had a body full of anger collecting and it refused to submit.

A piece of paper hit me in the head as the teacher passed out  papers in the rear of the class.  I felt the train moving fast ....and about to derail.  A delivery was about to be made. "You have mail."

I had another item hit me.....and i said to myself this is getting out of hand.  I said a silent word and breathed in some almost fresh air.  I walked out of class to calm the beast within.....knowing that it would be detrimental if i connected with his chin.

I've been bullied for the last time.....my friend once told me this" in order to gain someone's respect ....you have to disrespect them first."  I didn't understand at the time......but as I walked in the halls I reflected on that line.

I gathered myself and went back to class....of course I was in trouble for roaming the halls without a pass.  I went to my seat and proceeded to sit on a tack.....not to mention that someone also emptied out my knapsack.

He was sitting there with a smirk on his face and said "so what are you going to do?" "You're that skinny kid with a fat stomach from room 302." " That's the slow class."

I walked away with my head down....but the anger hit overflow.  He stated that my class was slow....but forgot my hands were fast.  I gave him a taste and before he even knew......his face went from red to blue.  A preschool lesson about blending colors....

I got suspended for my part in the fight.....I could've done more....but bullying just isn't right.  We never became friends ....but everyone now knew not to pick on me.....because of what my hands could do.  The skinny kid with the fat stomach from room 302.

Stop Bullying......

"Go have a breakdown since that's all you're good at"

He doesn't realise the weight his words have on me

Words that cascade with force into my entire world

Tunnel vision showing only him

As a target

Revenge is bittersweet
Much like the black coffee, dark chocolate, and gin that I love

In hindsight revenge never does cut it

Because I never use a knife

Instead my revenge is in the form of removal

It makes no difference

.

Words

That's all they are

Yet they're as sharp as a double edged sword

One side is jagged, the other smooth

Both cut

Deep

Wounds left etched through my body

Scars running like war paths over my entirety

Does he gain pleasure by putting me down?

Does making me feel worthless make him feel strong?

Or am I simply a woman who hasn't evolved past the hindrance of emotion

Ive still got your hands locked around my throat like a noose and its cold
cold as summer rain when spring breaks
there is still frost up in the mountains for gods sake
and when i hear you sing its like whatever heaven is supposed to be breaks
and holds me in its celestial proverbial arms and rocks me gently
when you sing the vibrations shake my soul and resonate deeply and completely
and you let all your vocal chords ring out in beautiful chords
that i try to play on my guitar but they always sound flat
and this old hat that i wear on my head seems to travel more than i will
as its been to brazil and i thank roger for that
but i digress cause the point is to say
when you sing it brings me to a place i only dream
and it seems that with each breath you take
it makes my heart quiver and shake and break into a thousand pieces
but it only takes a crescendo to bring it back together so please sing for me baby
i know your register better than you do so please sing for me baby
when im old and grey and beatdown and blue i will remember you
i will remember you as one thousand melodies carrying through the trees
i will remember every word you said to me but I will remember them as a song
blowing down the streets on cold winter mornings and hot summer days
through the hallways and alleyways
on the highways and freeways
syncopating with the hum of my tired engine
running on fumes and memories of afternoons and evenings listening to you sing
so before you go one last encore
one last song to ease me into my cosmic core
as i lay on the shore of the great south bay
like it was on the first day and like it will be on this the last
sing me something slow but with fast parts that catch me off guard
like the first time I heard the pixies in my bestfriends backyard
something that will send chills down my spine and relax my mind
to solidify this truth that to me is self evident
as my energy is spent i need to hear you sing your song
in this place that was always tuned to so different a key
please sing for me baby
please just sing for me baby

passenger seat in your beatdown CRV

1 am

70 down the interstate
left hand in yours
your flannel in my right
pressed against my nose
something is so reassuring about your aroma
and it's not the cologne you spent
a weekends pay check on
or the same deodorant you've
been using since the day i met you
but simply
you

you smell like home
and overtime i'm in your arms
for those minutes that seem
like forever
when i close my eyes and my face
hits your chest

i'm no longer

homesick

Kiss me cyberlight andromeda. Twist salt and sea to fluorescent foam.
Her gaze can rubble rocks, sand sandstone, and grind granite.
Lamplit soul where did you go?
Cold clandestine callous kindness broke my beatdown bladed bleeding beating broken heart.
Like the hot hollowness of furnace fire you lift white iron from my head. Steel the sterling silver sword song of sorrowful saints singing soft sonnets into sunless summers. such a silly sin we now suffer for.  
Forlorn lore long lost, like lighting lingering little and limp lashed against the locked lonely light of tinder embers and the soft glow of days end.
Tomorrow torrents torment of tidlewaves, tornados, tempest. Thoughts of thorny thickets thrash thunderously turning tides of mind to thicker thoughts of trepidation.
We sail on.

i nurse a cup of lukewarm coffee
as i sit on my front porch step
and watch the storm-clouds
close like fingers tightening
‘round open throats, strangling
sunny spring without so much
as a moment’s warning.
Florida rains
can come instantaneously—
blundering suddenly, unbidden
and entirely unwelcome.
the thunder sounds
of dolorous doom
as gloom returns to smother
the afternoon in its shadow.
lightning bolts jolt
me back to earth,
ripping me unceremoniously
from languid daydreams
of you and i camping
in the wilderness,
traveling cross-country
in a beatdown Jeep
with nothing but joy
to keep us company.
i empty the mug
in overgrown grass,
swiftly turn my back
on black clouds coalescing.
today, i fear i cannot bear
to watch the world weep.

a shore is pushed back--

into its raring cutoff.

its lungy dunes, flounder

on their relative sides.

castle walls keeled even.

fishtailed, as glassy calms--

sparkling with the tidal floods

they down.

--do ripples betray oceanic age?

no.

a flower girl that suddenly tears

out a beach umbrella--does.

she whirls it till a beatdown desert,

throws off its color scheme.

there, there are people--which notice:

sand-sea-sky...become divorcees of

Blue.