You said to write you poetry, and that you'd be mine.
Looks like someone beat me to it.

I wish I could be his lips, for they are embracing yours, not mine, tonight.
I ache to be his arms, to hold you tightly and never to let go feeling your warmth and softness.
I crave to be his eyes to look at you once more, soaking in your ethereal radiance.
I long to be his chest, to have you rest your head upon me listening to my heartbeat and soft breathing, falling asleep upon me.
I yearn to be his ears, to hear your soft and poetic words as they dance around in my head once again in that special way that only you can create.
I Miss Loving You.

my father was a drunk
mother was a *****
dad spent his paycheck on *****
so we were always poor
drinkings what he chooses
going to school with bruises
no friends to talk to
zipper always askew
although they stared
no one cared
until the boy with the charming eyes
the one who told such pretty lies
but i didnt mind
he was ever so kind
finding ways to make me smile
but of course he left after a while
but who could blame him?
i am just a broken kid full of sin
he was an angel
and all i do is make things painful

dont get sad get angry
dad beats you?
get angry
best friend commits suicide?
get angry
love of your life leaves you?
get angry

not even her with the candy coated lips and the spark from her fingertips
could take my mind off you
not her with the lungs full of smoke
as she takes another ****
could take my mind off you
not her with the plastered on frown
and the "dark black" crown
could take my mind off you
not her with the shiny blade
and the chrome handle
could take my mind off you
not her with the orange filter
and the smooth draw
could take my mind off you
only her with the sensitive trigger
and the steel barrel
could take my mind off you
and away from me

teardrops on a bedroom pillow
blood drops into the bathroom sink
my heart drops into my stomach
my voice drops to a monotone whisper
my body drops to the floor
my mother drops me off at the hospital
morticians drop my body into the casket
the priest drops the casket into the earth
the worms drop into my hollow chest

Pretty boy's gone
Since yesterday,
done with flirtin and acting gay
Bad Boy's back with the cigarette lighter and the twenty sack of **** to get a little higher
Ever since they went away, well
pretty boy's been full of dismay
heartbroken and lonesome he roams the town
looking for some ***** in which he'll drown,
broken and beaten
mean and old
on the street is where he sold
his pills and ****
his cid and lean
oh Pretty boy, sure got mean.
All the pretty girls tried to fix him
But he never could forget about the one that tricked him.
the one who stomped on his heart like a cigarette ****
extinguishing the warmth within him
like a punch to the gut
his eyes, once warm and inviting
are cold and dark
full of thunder and a spark of lightning

you told me to forget you
how the **** am i supposed to forget the late nights and early mornings spent talking about our future
the crowded apartment and loving arms
days at the beach and nights on the roof
daydreams of playing with your hair
holding your hand
stroking your cheeks
kissing your lips
falling asleep in a tangle of arms and legs
loving each other unconditionally
as long as blood runs through my veins
ill never forget
as long as my lungs take in air
ill never forget
as long as my heart beats
ill never forget
as long as im alive
ill never forget
forever and a day

Youre just like your father she said
not knowing that she was right
just not in the way she meant
the way she meant was that he was
a spitfire
a hoodlum
the kind of kid who'd start every fight
she didnt know however that he drank cheap beer
just like his father
for the same reasons
his clammy hands clasped around the neck of the brown bottle
as if he was trying to hold on to the little bit of fight he had left in him
he smoked cigarettes just like his father
for the same reasons
the smoke burning his chest
filling the emptiness that was left there from the many lovers who took what they wanted and left
he was broken and hurting deep inside
just
like
his
father
already emotionless and hardened from the years of struggles in his life
just like his father

Was it she who took you from me?
She who filled your mind with falsities?
She who painted me with blacks and red, when you knew in your heart that we were yellows and blues?
She never did like me, but I can't tell you how much it hurts that she would get through to you this much.
My life was planned around you and i'm not so sure that i can draft more plans.
A bottle of whiskey and a handgun are much cheaper than a flight, but I was willing to buy that flight.
She is unbelievably good at telling you how to feel, I just wish you knew how to tell yourself.
Will I see you in heaven?
You were always my angel.
And I, your god.
I thought I could make my own heaven down here with you.
You crafted me a Hell, not one with fire and demons.
One with lies and heartbreak.
One of sleepless nights and sunken eyes.
One of empty stomachs and full minds.

i hope you see me at the bottom of your glass
i hope you see me in your sunday mass
i hope you see me in your saturday cartoons
i hope you see me in the summer rain
i hope you see me in the cracked porcelain
i hope you see me in the smile of a child
i hope you see me in the sun upon your back
i hope you see me in your afternoon snack
i hope you see me in the daisy growing through the cracks in the sidewalk
i hope you see me in the face of everyone you love
i hope you see me in the beauty of a dove
i hope you see me in the ember of your cigarette
i hope you see me in every dog you pet
i hope you see me in your lovers eyes
i hope you see me in your dreams
i hope you see me in your favorite sports teams
i hope you see me in your nightmares
i hope you see me in your mirror
i hope you see me when you start thinking clearer
i hope you see me in the faces of a close friend
i hope you see me in the end
cause god knows i see you

For some a heartbreak is worth a fifth of *****.
Others, a pint of ice cream.
For me, it was lots of **** last time.
But, you, you're a different kind of hurt.
The one that keeps you up at night.
The kind of heartbreak you can feel in your lungs.
Each breath becoming increasingly more difficult to take.
You are the kind of heartbreak that you never truly get over.
You are the kind of heartbreak that feels like it can only ever healed with a bullet.

If freckles were angel kisses would you give me more than i have?
if bruises were faerie kisses would you make me a multicolored green blue and purple mess?
would you do me the favor of showing me how much you love me with the hurt?
let me know i mean something to you with each mark
i crave the pain and the trauma please give it to me let me feel normal again
help me to feel anything at all

a thousand lies?
its chill dont worry
cheating?
its chill dont worry
jealousy?
its chill dont worry
mistrust?
its chill dont worry
disappearing for long periods of time?
its chill dont worry
pushing me away?
its chill dont worry
im slowly starting to decay?
its chill dont worry
breaking my ******* heart?
its chill dont worry
pulling the trigger on my dad's rifle?
It's chill, don't worry.

my god is in a four hour long phone call
my god is in my lovers laugh
my god is the smoke drifting out the window
my god is stolen kisses
my god is a dull pocket knife
my god is passing out in my clothes
my god is love letters
my god is sunken eyes
my god is stealing from the liquor cabinet
my god is a ripped pair of blue jeans
my god is sneaking out at night
my god is making out in the park
my god is heartbreak
my god is listening to music too loud
my god is walking on the edge of a cliff
my god is a cold beer
my god is a pack of cigarettes
my god is a broken mirror
my god is a blood soaked towel
my god is dreaming of them
my god is waking up in a sweat
my god is teardrops on your pillow
my god is burnt flesh
my god is broken knuckles
my god is blood in the sink
my god is broken glass
my god is unanswered prayers
my god is unanswered texts
my god is a rifle
my god is a bullet
my god is darkness

The way his words cascaded down upon me like a never ending waterfall of wisdom and love
I was unable to quench my thirst
His arms reaching out in a loving embrace enveloping me in warmth
There was no place id rather be
His eyes deep and dark seemingly endless in their striking beauty
I could get lost in them
His lips, dear lord, his lips
Electricity coursing throughout my veins from head to toe when our stardust collided in a world shattering show of true beauty.
Gabriel.

Goodnight mother
goodnight friends
goodnight moon
and all loose ends
goodnight pets
goodnight dad
goodnight lover
you were all i had

Make me your masterpiece,
sculpt me and contort me into the man you need,
give me your chisel, ill do it myself

You turned your back on me while i had my chest exposed to you,
how was i supposed to know you had been craving a different kind of drug?
you were pure hard drugs everyone else is a substitute,
i can still feel you in my veins
i am addicted,
you are heroine,
they are suboxone,
you are an american spirit,
they're a nicotine patch,
you are moonshine,
they're a non-alcoholic beer,
you are the way the sun warms the grass on a summer day,
they are a wooden stove,
you are a freshly baked cookie,
they are a day old discount pastry,
you are an angel dipped in gold,
they are a ****** statue spray painted black,
nothing on this earth could amount to the sight of your smiling face and wrinkled nose,
trying to describe you with words in a poem is an insult to you,
nothing could ever accurately depict the heavenly being that you are,
but, oh God, i'll try although it falls upon deaf ears.

When I was young, home was a place
Now, Home is a heart
Everything was simpler,
When I was young,
I used to drink hot cocoa for the warmth,
Now its the whisky that burns my throat,
When I was young my idea of fun was climbing,
Now, it's falling,
When I was young, I thought love and happiness were the same,
I know now that they aren't,
When I was young, I wanted things that were bad for me,
Now I need them.

I will always be in love with you
You are my only one
Like Icarus to the sun
I got ahead of myself and got burned
My love has been engulfed in flames
Thinking, but not with my brain

The glass bottle feels better against my lips
than you ever did

I am not a poet
I am not an eloquent man with a pen in my hand letting it dance along the pages in a captivating dance
It is a stop and go, stumbling and tripping over feet out of beat awkward hobble
I am not a creative person spilling my soul onto the pages like blood from a stab wound
I am a scab that keeps getting reopened small bursts of blood and healing and bleeding all over again
I am not in touch with my inner self i can't tell you how im feeling right now
i am a smooth hard rock weathered from years of wear
i am not a poet, i am a child writing stories

It hurts

You said you didn't like change

I told you change was good

I guess you've changed your mind

You like change now

I'll love you in any form you take.

An anarchist with a molotov
A Jewish kid exclaiming mozel tov

A child with light up shoes
A teenage boy with anger issues

A girl with barrettes in her hair
A young man full of hot air

A beautiful boy trapped in his own mind

The most amazing man who's ever so kind

An awestruck angel full of surprises

And a puppy of all different sizes

Pluck the beating heart from my chest
Take my dignity, yeah, the rest
Take my soul and all my morals
tear my flesh from the bone
for my sins, i'll atone
take my eyes my ears my tongue
give me lashings give me stones
break every last one of my ******* bones
take my whisky take my nicotine
take my honor take my loyalty
break me hurt me torture me
but please dear God
Don't take him.

Difficult.
You said i crave difficult
You said you were "difficult"
If difficult is not wanting to die
If difficult is loving myself
If difficult is happiness
If difficult is feeling butterflies in my gut
If difficult is having a future
If difficult is a german shepherd
If difficult is shared cigarettes
If difficult is soft whispers
If difficult is a reason to wake up
If difficult is a busy small apartment
If difficult is holding each other
If difficult is hours upon hours of plans
If difficult is feeling complete for once
If difficult is laughing and smiling
If difficult is a loving embrace
If difficult is a rebellious fire
If difficult is puppy kisses and tight grips
If difficult is pancakes
If difficult is an angel, you
If difficult is the love of my life
If difficult is the stars in the sky
If difficult is love letters
If difficult is puppy kisses
If difficult is sleeping soundly
If difficult is a reassuring hand
If difficult is peace
If difficult is too many blankets on the bed
If difficult is an open heart
If difficult is being yours
If difficult is us?
You're ******* right I want difficult.
Ad astra per aspera.

when i lay down to rest in my bed
its you who dances around in my head
you are the never ending sky
you are the best kind of high
whole days spent on the phone
you make me feel not alone
i hope you feel this in your chest
and never forget that i tried my best
i want to feel your arms around me
holding falling drowning
an eternal abyss
unadulterated bliss
you were the one good with words
i miss you
Longing.