Winter is over, and so are we,
the soft sunbeams of spring, I am beginning to see,
I am dusting the shelves, and sweeping the floors,
packing you up; sending you out the door.
Our autumn was lovely, but our winter was not,
after you broke my heart and we cried and we fought.
I thought you meant it when you said forever
when it only lasted from June to September.
I sweep away cobwebs of sweet words you whispered,
crumple up noted now regarded as litter.
I throw back the curtains and strong light streams in
I throw out the lover I know I won't win.
My house is clean, and in a way, so am I,
as I move on from you and hold my head high.
A new chapter of life I am ready to meet,
so I set you out with the bins on the street.

As I'm sitting, sitting waiting,
As all my thoughts are congregating,
I find my mem'ries to be tainting,
Forgetting about my Charlotte May.

At Minerva's School of Pristine Boarding,
We first began our timid courting,
And it was clear that she was hoarding,
My heart belonged to Charlotte May.

We got married in December,
Rung in the new year close together,
But soon after she got the letter,
The letter drafted Charlotte May.

They sent her back in shrouds of silver,
No longer living just to wither,
And her coffin made me shiver,
Deep in the ground was Charlotte May.

As I'm sitting, sitting waiting,
Lonely, lost, and always hating,
I realise my thoughts are fading,
Fading away like Charlotte May.

But I remain here, quite unchanging,
The scenes around me rearranging,
My days filled up with hoping, praying,
Until I reach the final day,

And I return to Charlotte May.

Children that I leave behind,
I beg you not to weep for me,
for I lived a life that was long and full,
I saw all there was to see.

Children that I leave behind,
keep living out my legacy,
you are the captains of your ships,
you control your destiny.

Children that I leave behind
I know you're feeling so much pain,
but keep your head up, keep on living,
and you'll feel happy once again.

Children that I leave behind,
do not mourn for what I lost,
as we all must leave this world sometime,
and live on in loved ones' thoughts.

Children that I leave behind,
do not fear when I am far,
and when my time is up,
please return me to the stars.

The curtains close and the lights go up
We wait for the next performance to get ready.

Soon the think red drapes are parted,
and my heart jumps,
because there he is.

The show begins, screaming into the mike,
Are you ready to rock?
I am.

They **** the songs, but after awhile I stop paying attention
to the songs and start watching them.

I watch as he throws his hair back, long and thick and curly,
singing at the top of his voice, with the edge and rough raw that even
a shot of T won't get me.

I shift from him to his friend, his friend that is everything I want.

He belts out Hound Dog, he rips into his guitar and shreds the songs

a  p   a  r  t .

His slender arms, with the bulge of muscle shining shining sweat.
Furrowed brow and nimble fingers that I want all over me.

Turn back to the first boy, watch his hips
circle behind his guitar, his groin pressing against the smooth wood.

Behind his zipper a throbbing energy that he teases with,
smirking into the audience, with more grace and sensuality
than I when I practice in my room behind a locked door.

The tears come at the end, and I blink them back,
always blinking them back.

a  l  w a y  s.

Can't decide if I like you or if I like your body,
if I want you or your body.

Is it bad that I want to strut onstage with my bass guitar laying flat against my chest, to shred a song with my vocal chords bleeding ****** raw?

And at the same time, I long for a smooth body,
a flat stomach and long, luscious hair, tumbling down my back.

Gentle ******* beneath silky cups, curving me into a petite doll.


I watch the boys and my heart aches, for him, and for his body.

I don't know what transexual means but it might be me.

I open my windows and Breeze walks in,
thanking me and running her cool fingers through my hair.
The Sun thinks staying inside is a sin,
and shines as bright as she can, warming the air.

Dark clouds are an uninvited guest,
and we soon forget they were even there.
Meanwhile white clouds are beginning their quest,
traveling across the blue sky with flair.

The curtains ruffle with a flick and a flutter,
and the bees and the bugs come flying in,
I smile at them all as they greet one another,
in the way they know how, with a creepy bug grin.

I laugh like a child; my worries are gone,
And reaching up high to grab hold of the stars,
They dance from my grip and and keep singing their song.

It's because I realised I trusted you
more than I ever could with him,
that I finally was able to push him away
and pull you completely in.

I.

I held her hand and tried
to keep my voice from shaking as I
whispered to her my love.

She squeezed mine in return,
smiled that sweet smile of hers, and
said she felt the same.

She traced the jawline covered in fat
but for once I felt beautiful,
her hands were in my hair and her
lips were so so close to mine.

Then she kissed me in the dark
so no one could see.

II.

I told her who I was
and she loved me anyway.

Even though sometimes she had a
girlfriend, and other times just a capsule
of spiky-haired affection.

She loved me in my binder and in
my bra, with my ******* and my briefs,
she said it didn't matter.

But she kissed me in the dark
so her mother wouldn't see.

III.

We were both at a party,
but from different social classes.

We both wound up in a quiet room,
and I wanted him to notice me.

He started talking and I let my mind wander;
talking made it seem real, as if maybe, by some force
of the world, we could actually be together.

He smiled enough for me to know
it was because of me, and he let his hands
brush mine for a minute.

And in the dim glow from the pary,
our reflections came nearer and nearer on the
glass doors giving way to the milky snow outside,
and as snow fell gently down to earth
my heart melted from the joy I felt.

Then he kissed me in the dark
so his friends wouldn't see.

IV.

Yes I know you love me,
and you make it clear your care,
but when you hide me away from the people in your life
I feel as if I shouldn't be there.

Yes you've whispered happiness,
and assured me of my beauty,
but when you ignore me when you're out in public,
is it because you're ashamed of me?