I was trying to control everything,                                                      ­            
                                                                ­                                                
answer the phone on the first ring                                                             ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­                  
That way of life became exhausting                                                       ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­     
and it didn't accomplish
anything                                                         ­   
                                                             ­                                                         
I admitted that I didn't know it all                                                            
 ­                                                                 ­                                    
Surrendered & fell into a free fall                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
Free from my trapped head
space,                                                           ­     
                                                                ­                                      
everything began to fall into place                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                          
Released from all my mental bounds                                                      
                                                                ­                                                        
I had survived being buried
underground                                                      ­      
                                                                ­                                                        
I armed myself with a new attitude                                                         ­ 
                                                               ­                                                   
and a newfound state of
gratitude                                                        ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­                   
I let my worry fall to the
wayside                                                          ­              
                                                                ­                                                  
and learned to really start living
life                                                             ­             
                                                                ­                                                        
I found out I love who I am
inside,                                                          ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­             
  I urge everyone to give it a try

Here I stand before you,                                                             ­             
                                                                ­                                                  
heart shattered, ego bruised                                                          ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­          
  The accuser and the accused,                                                         ­                     
                                                                ­                                                        
all judgement coming from
you                                                              ­    
                                                                ­                                                      
I'm sorry I'm not able to be                                                               ­                                   
                             ­                                                                 ­                        
the person you're
remembering                                                      ­              
                                                                ­                                                  
What I think I often speak,                                                           ­       
                                                                ­                                                        
it doesn't make me fragile or
weak                                                             ­ 
                                                               ­                                                     
As you stand here beside me,                                                            
                                                                ­                                                  
  you still act high &
mighty                                                           ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­    
  Like you have the authority,                                                       ­               
                                                                ­                                                      
to question me so harshly                                                          ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­      
 If you get cut you still
  bleed,                                                        ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­         
   you are no different than me

I have to laugh when you rush up to my walls,                                                           ­                     
                                                                ­                                                   thundering mad, trying to make them fall                                                    
        ­                                                                 ­                                               
   I think there's something you need to
know,                                                        
                                                                ­                                                    
they will never come down, they will never
go                                                  
                                                                ­                                                
You've broken my heart so many times
before                                                           ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­        
  that you will never get that close
  anymore                                                    
  ­                                                                 ­                                                   
It doesn't make me happy or
proud                                                            ­    
                                                            ­                                                          
to have to say those words out
loud                                                             ­       
                                                         ­                                                         
but you've given me no reason to
trust                                                            ­    
                                                                ­                                                  
   and without that, there will be no
us                                                               ­   
                                                             ­                                                     
  I've given you chances that you mess
up                                                               ­   
                                                                ­                                                  
  and I have taken more than
enough                                                          
­                                                                 ­                                                   
  So, that's your cue to turn & walk
away                                                          
  ­                                                                 ­                                               
  I'm no longer a partner in the games you play

Take my heart, tear it in two,                                                             ­             
                                                   ­                                                                 ­  
put it back when you are through                                                          ­        
                                                        ­                                                              
You are the best at what you do,                                                          
                                                                ­                                            
showing me, I am nothing to you                                                              ­  
                                                                ­                                                
Knock me down, step over me,                                                              ­
                                                                ­                                                      
you treat me with such cruelty                                                          ­                      
                                                                ­                                                
Punish me with severity                                                         ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­        
for just trying to be me                                                               ­             
                                                   ­                                                             
Was there a time that you cared?                                                           ­   
                                                                ­                                                  
Did I imagine what we shared?                                                          ­        
                                                        ­                                                          
My heart is filled with despair,                                                         ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
the hole you've left is beyond repair

Don't you know once we're down this road, there's no going back                  
                                                                ­                                                      
All these years of loving you, where did we fall off track?                                
                                                                ­                                              
Looking back at all the years, I doubt we would know when                                                             ­                                                
                                                                ­                                                  
We would rather hate each other than to call the other friend                          
                                                                ­                                                    
No use getting sentimental, it is what it is                                                  
                                                                ­                                                        
I don't know where we go after all of this                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                      
                                                                ­                                                        
You can go your way, and I will go mine, there's no turning back                      
                                      ­                                                                 ­               
The cards are laid & they've been played but the cards were stacked                
                                                                ­                                                      
It was felt but not said aloud for a long, long time                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                  
We could have lived in ignorance & it would be just fine                                      
                      ­                                                                 ­                           
But I decided that truth would set us both free                            
                                ­                                                                 ­             
What we couldn't see was how it affected us emotionally

I saw the light in your eyes go out as I leave,                                        
                  ­                                                                 ­                               
heard you struggle for breath 'cause the air went with me                                                               ­     
                                                           ­                                                               
I have to admit I was more than pleased,                                                         ­                                                     
           ­                                                                 ­                                            
for the past hundred years you did it to me                                                          
    ­                                                                 ­                                                     
I wanted to look back & see if you were crying                                                      
    ­                                                                 ­                                                 
and it took all my strength to stop me from trying                                      
                                                                ­                                                          
  I wanted to watch your heartache firsthand                                                        ­
                                                                ­                                                  
  but then I'd be like you & I'm better than that                                        
                    ­                                                                 ­                               
  I'd have to be satisfied leaving you sitting there                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                        
   knowing that I hate you & now life is fair

You say you are ready to talk,                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                    
after I tell you I'm gonna walk                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­      
Tired of the procrastination,                                                 ­                                             
 you bring to every situation                                                        ­                        
                                                                ­                                         
I hear your silence out loud                                                             ­                                           
                     ­                                                                 ­                              
I'm the only one in the crowd                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­      
who's always picking up the pieces,                                                          ­                
                                                                ­                                        
whenever your attention ceases                                                          
­                                                                 ­                                                 
This is the same thing, different day,                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                  
you don't know what to do or say                                                              ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                      
and when you speak you tell me
  lies,                                                         ­               
                                                                ­                                                     
 so many reasons that you can't  
  try                                                    ­            
                                                                ­                                                        
I have heard all of this before ,                                                                ­                      
about how you will be there
more                                                             ­   
                                                                ­                                                        
Your love has filled my heart with
doubt,                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                   
you have nothing I can't live
without                                                          ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­     
I really can't take on another
bout                                                             ­               
                                                                ­                                                      
  of surviving your nuclear
fallouts

You are back at my front door,                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                                
the one you slammed the year before,                                                          ­              
                                                                ­                                                    
with flowers and your, I love You's,                                                           ­                                     
                                                                ­                                                      
like you believe that I still love you too                                                              ­                     
                                                                ­                                                      
but all the words that you say,                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                           
have lost their meaning along the
  way                                                              ­      
                                                                ­                                                     
Sorry, I know the real
truth,                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                
that she's broken up with
you,                                                            ­                                                             
so, you're checking in on number two,                                                             ­                                                                                                                    ­                                               
how many more have you gone
too?                                                            ­                                                     
                                                                ­                                                  
You aren't man enough to love
 anyone,                                                        ­    
                                                            ­                                                        
 let alone us both, you're still a
 con                                                            ­                                            
                                                                ­                                              
 Even if I was desperate, you wouldn't
  be                                                            ­                
                                                                ­                                            
  someone I would take back
  willingly                                                        ­        
                                                                ­                                                 
 The year that I have been here
  alone,                                                        ­                                                                                  ­                                                       
  I have healed and I have
  grown,                                                        ­      
                                                          ­                                                           
  so, I suggest you go find number
  three,                                                        ­                                      
                                                                ­                                              
  inflict your twisted love on
  somebody                                                      ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­           
  I hope she figures you out from the
  start                                                         ­         
                                                       ­                                                           
  the­n turns around and breaks your heart

I see the narcissist in you                                                              ­                       so strategic in your moves                                                            ­     manipulated I Love You's                                                            ­                 used to pull me closer to you                                                                             So many secrets you couldn't tell                                                             ­      kept them hidden very well                                                             ­          While I was busy weathering the tide                                                                 it had kept the enemy by my side                                                             ­         You loved me from your ego and pride                                                 knowing I was your ride or die                                                                             I had to pull back on my emotions                                                         ­          step out of that turbulent ocean                                                            ­        God had blessed me discernment                                                      ­     pulled me from the riptide current                                                          ­   Regaining control of the true me                                                             opening up an ocean of possibilities

What words do you say to your only son,                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                         
When he's going to jail on a ****** one?                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                        
Do you tell him to be brave & strong?                                                          ­    
                                                            ­                                                          
Do you confront him on being wrong?                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                       
Do you hug him knowing his life is through?                                              
                                                                ­                                                      
Remind him of what he's done to you?                                                      
      ­                                                                 ­                                               
  Do you smile & put on a brave face,                                                   
                                                                ­                                                  
  knowing he'll spend life in a hellish
place?                                                        
                                                                ­                                                      
Do you promise to visit him frequently,                                                      ­      
                                                                ­                                                    
Knowing he'll serve his life lonely?                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                                                       ­                       
What do you say to your only son,                                                             ­   
                                                                 ­                                             
When you know he's guilty on a ****** one?                                          
                  ­                                                                 ­                               
Do you support him as best as you can?                                                          
                                                                ­                                                  
Do you tell him to be the better man?                                                          
  ­                                                                 ­                                               
Do you tell him to tell the whole truth?                                                           ­ 
                                                                ­                                              
Knowing exactly what it's going to do?                                              
                                                                ­                                                  
Do you blame him or blame yourself?                                                        ­                                                                 ­               
You didn't load the shotgun shells                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                  
Do you throw your hands in the air?                                                            
­                                                                 ­                                                 
Cry out to God in your despair?                                                         ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­  
Do you fall to your knees & pray?                                                          
                                                                ­                                                    
Do you let him find his own way?                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                        
Do you cry & break down
inside?                                                          ­            
                                                    ­                                                             
 Tell him there's no reason to
lie?                                                             ­         
                                                       ­                                                       
What do you tell your only son,                                                             ­               
                                                 ­                                                             
Whe­n he's going to die for a ****** one.

The breeze is blowing gently                                                           ­          moving the grapes on the vines                                                            ­           The moon is shining brightly                                                         ­                    as you put your hand in mine                                                             ­             the  fireflies surround us                                                               ­              with  neon yellow lights                                                           ­                     and  I can't get enough of  you                                                          ­                on  this perfect night                                                            ­                         The  sweet smell of honeysuckle                                                      ­  lingers  in the warm night air                                                              ­              I  can feel my knees buckle                                                           ­         under the weight of your stare                                                            ­ The  crickets are trilling                                                         ­                          just for you and I                                                                ­                               My heart is beating wildly                                                           ­                 on  this perfect night

I can't keep giving away pieces of me,                                                              ­      
                                                                ­                                                        
to someone who regards them so
carelessly                                                       ­     
                                                                ­                                                
You've made me put up a protective
wall                                                        
                                                                ­                                              
because you don't deserve me at
all                                                              ­    
                                                            ­                                                              
I remember when our love was
carefree,                                                        ­                  
                                                                ­                                                  
when I thought you really loved
me                                                               ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­        
but I don't feel the same
today,                                                           ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­  
since I've had to take my trust
away                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                             
Chances are you were always this way,                                        
                                                                ­                                            
putting yourself first every
day                                                              ­          
                                                      ­                                                                 ­ 
I admit there were times I didn't
see,                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                  
you couldn't be mine
faithfully                                                       ­                 
                                                                ­                                                        
I felt if I just loved you
more,                                                            ­                
                                                                ­                                              
  you'd step up, make me feel
secure                                                           ­               
                                                                ­                                                
That didn't happen, so here we are,                                                          
                                                                ­                                          
together still but our hearts so far.

Your tone full of disrespect,                                                      ­                        
                                                                ­                                                    
dark eyes filled with hate,                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                  
never know what to expect.                                                          ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­                       
you see me as second rate                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­              
I can't help but to remember,                                                        ­            
                                                                ­                                                  
when none of that was true,                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                                      
you were my best defender                                                         ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­            
and your eyes, a softer blue                                                             ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­              
I know I can't turn back time                                                             ­                     
                                                                ­                                                  
but if I could I would                                                            ­                          
                                                                ­                                              
when I knew you were mine,                                                            ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­         
it felt so **** good                                                             ­   
                                                             ­                         
Somewhere we lost our way                                                              ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­       
  and now I miss you everyday                                                         ­                             
                                                                ­                                    
Resentment & hate fill our days                                                             ­               
                                                 ­                                                             
while we hold our hearts at bay                                                              ­          
                                                                ­                                                  
Our past holds us hostage                                                          ­                                      
 when will it be long enough?

You've changed so much, I don't recognize you                                                              ­                                                          We're  so out of touch, maybe I changed, not you                                                              ­                                                            You don't want me to grow, you know it's true                                                             ­                                                           but I already know you don't want me to outgrow you

I am a patchwork mess,                                                            ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­         
full of stitches & scars                                                            ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­               
I've been doing my best                                                             ­                         
                                                                ­                                                        
so, I don't fall apart                                                            ­                                
                                                                ­                                                    
  I've been loving on
   empty,                                                           ­                   
                                                                   ­                                              
there's nothing left to give                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
I need positive
energy                                                           ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­                      
just to breathe & live                                                             ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­                        
The strings on my heart                                                            ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­         
are worn down & frail                                                            ­                            
                                                                ­                                          
playing their part                                                             ­                                     
                           ­                                                                 ­                        
of why I ail                                                              ­                                              
                                                                ­                                                      
Is there anyone                                                           ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­                      
who can re-sew me?                                                              ­                            
                                                                ­                                                      
Is there anyone                                                           ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                
with a seamstress
degree?                                                          ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­             
I am a patchwork
mess                                                             ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­                  
stuffed with regrets

You have torn me up                                                               ­                  you  have torn me down                                                             ­              and  I have  had enough                                                           ­          of  this  merry-go-round                                       ­                      You  asked  for space                                                            ­               you  asked  for time                                                             ­                                  A  slap  in the face                                                             ­                                   you   used  it to  undermine                                                    ­                   But  patience  brings power                                                            ­             and  I 'm  coming into mine                                                             ­     Just  because  you yell louder                                                           ­                     doesn't  make you right

This is my voice,                                                           ­                                           
                                                                ­                                                      
pen & paper pain                                                             ­                                   
                                                                ­                                                      
I've made the choice                                                           ­                                     
                           ­                                                                 ­                            
to blot the stain                                                            ­                                                  
              ­                                                                 ­                               
Band-Aid pulled off,                                                             ­                                                           
     ­                                                                 ­                                                  
let the wound bleed                                                            ­                          
                                                                ­                                                      
Yes, it is
tough                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                         
but it's what I
need                                                             ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­                              
I can't pretend                                                          ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­                   
  that I am
  fine                                                          ­                                          
                      ­                                                                 ­                             
so, I use my pen                                                              ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­                    
 to speak my
  mind                                                          ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­             
Journal
everything,                                                      ­                                    
                                                                ­                                            
getting it all
out                                                              ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­           
because doing
nothing                                                          ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­             
is a silent shout

All the pressures of
perfection,                                                      ­                      
                                                                ­                                                
obstacles in all
directions,                                                      ­                                
                                                                 ­                                                      
  can wear down a practiced
smile,                                                           ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­                      
like chocking on acidic
bile                                                             ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­              
Cracked face on a porcelain
doll,                                                            ­                                            
                    ­                                                                 ­                                   
treat it like a surface
flaw                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                     
All the makeup and the facades                                                          ­    
                                                                ­                                                        
help to quell the stormy
squalls                                                          ­                                   
                                                                ­                                                    
So, she stays in the direction                                                        ­                  
                                                                ­                                              
of trying to perfect perfection

You drug me down in my despair,                                                         ­         
                                                       ­                                                               
you shamed me into staying there,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
made me feel that no one cared,                                                           ­       
                                                                ­                                                        
I was a prisoner in the devil's lair                                                             ­                                             
                   ­                                                                 ­                              
Every time I gathered up strength,                                                        ­            
                                                    ­                                                                  
 you assured me you were my friend                                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
Went on & on to great lengths,                                                         ­                           
                                                                ­                                                  
you loved me when others didn't                                                           ­     
                                                                ­                                                    
I'd given more than I really had                                                              ­                          
                                                                ­                                                
held you whenever you were sad                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                
but you never gave me anything back,                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 
leaving me broken & in your grasp                                                            ­                                                                 ­           
                                                                ­                                                        
I was focused on that tiny light                                                            ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­           
  that shone in my heart, so bright                                                           ­           
                                                                ­                                                        
I knew there was a better life                                                             ­                   
                                                                ­                                                     
not with you but Jesus
Christ                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­  
I called out to God in Jesus's name,                                                    
       ­                                                                 ­                                        
asked him to heal this heart of pain,                                                            ­      
                                                          ­                                                            
to let me walk in the light
again,                                                           ­                                             
                   ­                                                                 ­                          
allow peace of mind to begin                                                            ­    
                                                            ­                                                        
as I planned my
disentanglement                                                  ­                
                                                ­                                                               
 from life with you &
  punishment                                                    ­                      
                                                                ­                                                  
for a power that was heaven
sent                                                             ­   
                                                             ­                                                     
and now I cherish life's every moment

Not so very long ago,                                                             ­                                           
                     ­                                                                 ­                                    
I tried hard to let you know,                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                      
that you played a part,                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                                        
in creating hate in my heart                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­       
I wanted you to pay,                                                             ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­          
every single **** day                                                              ­                        
                                                                ­                                                  
but while I punished you,                                                             ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­      
I was punishing me too                                                              ­                                
                                                                ­                                                      
It took all my strength,                                                        ­                            
                                                                ­                                                      
to hurt you at great lengths                                                          ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­           
I wanted to see you cry,                                                             ­               
                                                                ­                                                  
you knew the reasons why                                                              ­                  
                                                                ­                                                        
I wanted you to break,                                                           ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­              
yearned to tie you to the stake,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­
to watch you hurt and bleed,                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                  
just like you did to me                                                               ­               
                                                                ­                                                
Now you are old & gray                                                             ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­                             and I too have also aged,                                                            ­                                
                                                                ­                                                        
I heard you are alone,                                                           ­                                         
                                                                ­                                                                 ­    feeling bad for what you've done                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                               
As stubborn as can be,                                                              ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
you won't say you're sorry to me                                                               ­                     
                                                                ­                                                  
but as I have grown up,                                                              ­                                
                                                                ­                                                          
I feel you've paid enough                                                           ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­        
So, I'll be the bigger person                                                           ­                     
                                                                ­                                                  
and tell you're forgiven,                                                        ­                  
                                                                ­                                                    
as much for you as for me,                                                              ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­             
I will say I'm sorry

You pull me in ways I don't want to go                                                               ­             
                                                   ­                                                                 ­  
You show me things I don't want to know                                                             ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                  
You tell me the words I want to hear,                                                          
 ­                                                                 ­                                                    
you are the very thing I fear                                                             ­                   
                                                                ­                                                      
You hold my hand, you hold me down,                                                      
     ­                                                                 ­                                                  
I feel like I'm six feet underground                                                      ­      
                                                          ­                                                        
You whisper sweet lies to watch me react,                                            
                                                                ­                                                        
I wish I could take all my love back                                                             ­       
                                                                ­                                                  
You push me out of my comfort zone,                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                          
then when we get home, you leave me alone                                                      
                                                                ­                                                        
  I never know who I'm going to get today,                                                           ­   
                                                             ­                                           
someone who cares or just wants it their way                                                              ­                                                                 ­                                                
  All the things I loved about you,        
                                                    ­                                                                    
are the very things that broke us in two

Emotions on paper,                                                           ­                                 letting  it all out                                                          ­                                   Just  like a falling tear,                                                            ­                                  it's quieter than a shout                                                            ­       Raining  and raging,                                                          ­                        get  out of my head                                                             ­                                    There  is no caging,                                                          ­                                    this hunger needs fed                                                              ­                     Freeing and cleansing,                                                       ­                              washing it all away                                                             ­                              This is never ending,                                                          ­                                    a ritual I do every day                                                              ­                   Scribbling  in pencil,                                                          ­                           I'm  pressured to get it out                                                              ­           I know it's only mental,                                                          ­                        but quieter than a shout

Have you ever held on to a love you know is already gone?                            
                                                                ­                                                        
Are they all you think about when you hear a certain song?                                    
                                                                ­                                                  
Have you ever reached out to an empty bed at night?                                                           ­                     
                                                                ­                                                      
Just to feel the repercussions of always being right                                                
                                                                ­                                                      
Did you ever breakdown because you miss them so
much,                                    
                                                                ­                                                  
have you ever closed your eyes to remember their touch?                                        
                  ­                                                                 ­                                   
Do you ever wish that you could reverse
time,                                              
                                                                ­                                                        
change everything that has happened, make it all
fine ?                                       
                   ­                                                                 ­                          
Have you ever sat alone in an empty room,                                        
                                                                ­                                                
with pictures & cards that say, ''I love
you?''                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                         
Have you ever had such a badly broken heart,                                                    
      ­                                                                 ­                                             
you don't know how to begin or know how to
start                                                  
                                                                ­                                                     
 It happened to me, I must confess the
truth,                                                           ­       
                                                         ­                                                         
my broken heart is the ultimate proof                                                      
                                                                ­                                                      
If there's something I can say to help
you,                                                    
        ­                                                                 ­                                           
It's to thrown yourself back into loving
you                                                    
         ­                                                                 ­                                      
Toss away those things that remind you of them,                                          
                 ­                                                                 ­                                    
it's the best way for you to start living again                                                
                                                                ­                                    
Remember how beautiful you can be,                                                              ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­ 
take the time to find the "real me"                                                      
       ­                                                                 ­                                          
Get up, get out, go with your
friends                                                          ­              
                                                                ­                                                
soon you'll find your hearts on the mend                                                          
  ­                                                                 ­                                                   
 If you ever find yourself in love
again,                                                           ­     
                                                                ­                                      
remember always being right can make that end

I took a knife & cut the
vine                                                             ­                 
                                                                ­                                                      
that tethered me to
you                                                              ­                              
                                                                ­                                                
No longer mine & that's just
fine,                                                            ­      
                                                          ­                                                             
   I consider myself
rescued                                                          ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­     
  I'm happy to see you missing
me,                                                              ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­               
  because I'm not missing
you                                                              ­                    
                                                                ­                                        
  Predictably, it's clear to
see                                                              ­                    
                                            ­                                                              
  without me you couldn't
  do                                                            ­            
                                                                ­                                              
  While under your care I didn't
thrive                                                           ­       
                                                         ­                                                         
 you starved me of your love                                                             ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
It made me know &realize                                                          ­              
                                                  ­                                                                
­ you would never grow up                                                               ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­      
I now have reclaimed my
energy                                                           ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­          
it has grown &
bloomed                                                          ­                          
                                                                ­                                                      
A bouquet of positivity                                                       ­                               
                                                                 ­                                                 
  and a life that is brand new

When the day comes that God calls you home,                                        
                                                                ­                                                        
   I hope I am with you, so you won't be alone.                                                      
                                                                ­                                                        
  I often try think of what I could do,                                                              ­
                                                                ­                                                        
to make that departure easier for you                                                              ­      
                                                          ­                                                                
I know you like me to sing to you,                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                          
if I can, I will, I promise you                                                              ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­   
I'll try not to cry, put on a brave face,                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                      
you are not someone I could ever replace                                                          ­    
                                                                ­                                               
  When I see you make your way to the light,                                            
                                                                ­                                                      
I will comfort you, hold you tight                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                 
 The stars for me will still shine bright,                                                          ­      
                                                          ­                                                            
I know you're up there & are you're all right                                            
               ­                                                                 ­                                  
No one else could fill that hole on in me,                                                        
     ­                                                                 ­                                      
though I may try, however foolishly                                                        ­        
                                                        ­                                                        
Once someone like you touches my heart,                                                
          ­                                                                 ­                                         
I'll need someone to love so I don't fall apart                                                      
     ­                                                                 ­                                            
My days for me will never be the same,                                                    
       ­                                                                 ­                                          
  I'll never forget you, forget your name                                                        
                                                                ­                                                  
I'm sure I'll say remember you with a smile,                                                           ­   
                                                                ­                                                     
 it will bring you back if even for a little while

You are standing in your ego,                                                             ­           
                                                                ­                                                          
  I am standing with the truth,                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                        
so round & round we both go,                                                              ­                
                                                                ­                                                        
till we are both lost & confused

We've been together, forever it seems,                                                           ­   
                                                                ­                                                      
  and all that time, I've been lying,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­  
or at least I have led you to believe,                                                         ­         
                                                                ­                                                             that I'll give you my love selflessly                                                       ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­  
Never asking for a thing in return,                                                    
                                                                ­                                                
followed you through hell, even as I burned                                                           ­           
                                                                ­                                                  
But I have finally seen the light,                                                           ­         
                                                       ­                                                           
you were never worthy of this plight                                                           ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
I asked for nothing and it's what I received,                                                        ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­                   
you have taken my all, ruining me                                                          
                                                                ­                                                        
  I never felt I had any real worth,                                                           ­     
                                                                ­                                                        
I thought that your hatred was deserved                                                         ­             
                                                                ­                                                
With no self-esteem, it was so easy,                                                            ­                                
                                                                ­                                                      
to hold me down, my throat under your knee                                                          
                                                                ­                                                      
It wasn't until I struggled to be free                                                            
                                                                ­                                                  
that I saw what you were doing to me

I felt safe in my depression                                                       ­                          all black with no sharp edges

Some wounds never heal,                                                            ­                          
                                                                ­                                                      
that would require me to feel                                                             ­                           
                                                                ­                                                          
I cover the cracks outside,                                                         ­                                           
                     ­                                                                 ­                            
build my walls so high                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­      
My little secrets unrevealed

She hurts herself, it's all she knows                                                            ­                                                                                              ­                                                   
the pain inside grows & grows                                                            ­           
                                                                ­                                                        
It runs too deep from head to toe                                                              ­      
                                                          ­                                                         
                                                                ­                                                
How do you stop the wind that blows?                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                     
Self-inflicted wounds, no relief in sight                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                           
Light the fuse on the dynamite                                                         ­                                                                 ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                      
She scars herself, but can't release the knife                                                            ­                                                
                                                                ­                                                  
Can't see the sun, it's always night                                                            ­                                           
 She cries & cradles her legs with her arms                             
                
Knows the enemy who does the most harm                                                      
                                                                ­                                                          You'd think that would set off alarms                                                           ­   
                                                             ­                                                 
Can't someone save her with their charms?                                                          ­                                                      
          ­                                                                 ­                                       
  She has never known the feeling of love                                          
                  ­                                                                 ­                         
Noone has held her high enough                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                       
Is there some way she can rise above                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                
  The self-destruction she's proof of

With a head full of anger, a heart filled with rage,                                  
                         ­                                                                 ­                            
she ran away from home at an early age,                                                
            ­                                                                 ­                                         
she headed to Hollywood to take the center stage,                                      
                    ­                                                                 ­                                   
a predictable ending before the last page                                                    
        ­                                                                 ­                                             
She spent all her money on a ticket there,                                                  
        ­                                                                 ­                                             
she didn't make plans, she didn't care                                                             ­ 
                                                                ­                                                      
Just the kind of person ripe for abuse,                                                           ­     
                                                           ­                                                                 ­ vulnerable, scared & very confused                                                         ­                                           
                                                                ­                                                  
He bought her dinner, she sold her soul,                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­   
she dressed the part & played the role                                                          
                                                                ­                                                
Now she walks the track, every night of the week,                                                            ­  
                                                              ­                                                  
does as she's told, listens when he speaks                                                
                                                                ­                                                 
 She longs for the life she used to have,                                                        
                                                                ­                                            
misses her mom, misses her dad                                                              ­                                                                
The drugs he gives her, numbs the pain                                                             ­                           
                                                                ­                                                  
from when he beats her, calls her names                                                    
                                                                ­                                                  
The stories she could tell you, things she's seen                                          
                  ­                                                                 ­                           
make her look much older than seventeen

A handful of wildflowers                                                      ­                picked for you by me                                                               ­                   in  the colors of rainbows                                                         ­                showcasing natures beauty                                                           ­   with   scents so fragrant                                                         ­                enhanced by the sunlight                                                         ­                  it  fills the air with magic                                                            ­                       and fills me with pure delight

Lies can be told without words                                                            ­                   silence is still loudly heard

You pass your judgement off onto me,                                                              ­                      
                                                                ­                                                    
with strategic, hurtful whisperings                                                      ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­       
You even believe your own lies,                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­ 
think you're a master of disguise                                                         ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­          
You don't even care if it's right,                                                           ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
   I brought my truth to a knife
fight                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                        
Your only goal is to win the game,                                                      
                                                                ­                                                  
  where I am expected to take the
  blame.                                                        ­    
                                                                ­                                                      
  A game where no one will really
  win,                                                          ­      
                                                                ­                                                    
  so, I am cashing all my chips
  in                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­     
   I am no longer filled with
doubt,                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                     
so go ahead and call me
out                                                              ­              
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­
I think it's time I turn the
tides,                                                           ­                                     
                           ­                                                                 ­                            
I am in your head, I am inside                                                          
                                                                ­                                           
   Ravaging your comfort zone,                                                            ­      
                                                                ­                                            
   leaving nothing but skin and
  bones                                                         ­             
                                                   ­                                               
  I'm now comfortable with your
  insecurities,                                                 ­                 
                                                                ­                                              
  taking the power from you and giving it to me

There are smiles you use to greet,                                                           ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­          
there are smiles when you meet                                                             ­           
                                                                ­                                                      
The kind that looks into your heart,                                                      
                                                                ­                                                      
that cause your pulse to skip a beat                                                             ­           
                                                                ­                                                      
The type that can ignite a flame,                                                           ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­      
so, you never feel the same                                                             ­             
                                                                ­                                                        
  A smile that reaches their eyes,                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                          
a kind of flirty surprise                                                         ­                             
                                                                ­                                            
There's the one reserved for you.                                                             ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                  
a look that's shared by you two                                                              ­                
                                                                ­                                            
Where words are never said,                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                      
it is a look to be read                                                             ­                                                       
         ­                                                                 ­                                
between two lovers, privately.                                                       ­               
                                                                ­                                                     
 it looks like the one, you just gave to me

You are emotionally vacant                                                           ­           there  is no life in your eyes                                                             ­   Even  from a slight distance                                                         ­     it's  something you can't disguise                                                       Like  a stone wall, so cold                                                             ­         you're  not even warm to the touch                                                        It's  like you're being controlled                                                       ­     and  it's  become way too much                                                             ­            No  tears, no smiles, no sighs                                                            ­       Is  there anyone home inside?

Today I got a hug, out of the blue                                                             ­     
                                                           ­                                                               
and it even came with an "I love you''                                                            ­    
                                                            ­                                                        
Such a simple kind gesture                                                          ­                                                  
              ­                                                                 ­                               
  It brought me such pleasure                                                         ­                     
                                                                ­                                                          
It picked me up when I felt down                                                             ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­      
  turned my day totally around                                                           ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
  Just when I thought no one cared                                                            ­            
                                                                ­                                        
someone loved me, someone shared

I've tried but I can't get enough of you,                                                          
  ­                                                                 ­                                                     
no matter how I try, it will not do                                                        
                                                                ­                                                       
   When I see you smile, I can't contain mine                                                
                                                                ­                                                        
  I want to play it cool, but I lose my mind,                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                      
Whenever we touch, I just want to feel.                                                      
     ­                                                                 ­                                    
something beautiful, something real                                                            
                                                                ­                                                      
My heart beats wildly when you're near,                            
                                                                ­                                          
whenever you whisper, "I want to be here"                                                      
                                                                ­                                              
  Wrap me in your arms, I'll melt into you.                                                    
        ­                                                                 ­                                         
Put your hand in mine, I love you                                                              ­                    
                                                                ­                                            
  Hold my face in your hands, when we kiss,                                                
                                                                ­                                                      
I won't close my eyes; I won't want to miss,                                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
any kind of look or sign that says to me                                                               ­                                                         
       ­                                                                 ­                                              
I love you as much as you love me

Those pent-up resentments                                                      ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­                       
quickly turn into hate,                                                            ­                                    
                                                                ­                                                    
soon all your comments                                                         ­                         
                                                                ­                                              
become heated debates                                                          ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­                 
A once loving glance                                                           ­                               
                                                                ­                                                      
has turned into a glare                                                            ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­       
Sometimes love can't be
repaired                                                         ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­  
Thick tension can be cut by a
knife                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­     
as we blame each other for our
lives                                                            ­  
                                                              ­                                                     
  The words I hate you, hang in the
  air,                                                          ­    
                                                                ­                                            
  killing the love that was once
  there                                                         ­       
                                                         ­                                                         
We sleep with our backs turned at night,                                                        
                                                                 ­                                                 
get up before the other to avoid a
fight                                                        
                                                                ­                                  
Everything's wrong, nothing's
right                                                            ­    
                                                            ­                                              
praying God will show us the light                                                            ­    
                                                                ­                                                 
 The distance between us grows on &
on                                                          
                                                                ­                                                  
we turn down the stereo playing our song                                                             ­               
                                                                ­                                                
Your wedding ring lies on the nightstand,                                                      ­                
                                                                ­                                                 
 and mine is no longer there on my
  hand                                                          ­              
                                                                ­                                            
You're eating fast food all by
yourself.                                                        ­    
                                                                ­                                                   
  you know they're talking to someone
   else                                                             ­                   
                                                                ­                                    
There are times life is just not
fair,                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                            
and sometimes love can't be repaired

Take me where the grass grows,                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                     
high up over my knees,                                                           ­                                                         
       ­                                                                 ­                                                
to a place the cool breeze blows,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                   
somewhere that I can breathe                                                          ­          
                                                      ­                                                                 ­ 
I'll bask in the sunlight,                                                        ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­             
facing the bright blue sky                                                              ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                    
  I'll take in all the sights,                                                          ­                    
                                                                ­                                                  
listen to the wildlife,                                                        ­                                    
                                                                ­                                            
  absorb the scenery                                                          ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­                     
   Feel as free as a kite,                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                                  
   and let nature swallow me

Between you & me the sands of time ran out                                                              ­
                                                                ­                                                        
So many memories that I forgot about                                                            ­      
                                                                ­                                                
Riding out on a canoe, swimming at the Gap                                              
                                                                ­                                                      
The first time you kissed me, I was taken aback                                              
First date in January snow, it was so **** cold                                
                            ­                                                                 ­                       
Your love was the first I'd known & it felt like gold                                              
              ­                                                                 ­                                   
  Going out to your parent's place, I was so **** scared,                                                          ­      
                                                                ­                                                      
  and from the look on your face, you were scared as well                                                      
      ­                                                                 ­                                           
  but it all worked out & we had a good time                              
 Without any doubts we got along just fine                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                  
We dated for a long time & before we knew                                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
You were all mine & our love grew                                                             ­ 
                                                                ­                                              
  Sadly, I was much younger than you                                                                      ­                                                
  You grew more serious than I really knew                                            
                ­                                                                 ­                                 
  You were ready to marry & wanted to have kids                                
                            ­                                                                 ­                 
  More quickly than I ever did                                                              ­                                            
 You began to scare me with all your
needs                                                        
   ­                                                                 ­                                            
  And I wanted more than I received                                                         ­ 
                                                                ­                                                  
You were my first love, but the timing was bad                                                                            ­                                                     
I was too young & you were all I'd had                                                          
   ­                                                                 ­                                                  
I wanted to live, I wanted to love                                                             ­       
                                                         ­                                                             
I wanted to see what else there was
                                                                 ­                                                   
I'm so sorry I hurt you, it wasn't my intent                                                    
                                                                ­                                                        
I was too young to know what love really meant                                    
                       ­                                                                 ­                              
I know you loved me & wanted it to work                                
                                                                ­                                            
Believe me, I never wanted you to hurt                                                        
    ­                                                                 ­                                                 
It wasn't until the same thing happened to me                              
                                                                ­                                                
 That I knew I had to tell you, I am so sorry

I am cleansing my soul                                                             ­                        with every word I write                                                            ­                       Sins that have swallowed me whole                                                            ­feelings that I'm not quite right                                                            ­        Thoughts are spilling out of me                                                               ­      ones I've protected carefully                                                        ­               Words I have never said  out loud                                                             ­           Churn in me like a funnel cloud                                                            ­              I can confess anything I please                                                           ­          the only one who reads it is me

I've been standing in the shadows watching others live,                                  
                         ­                                                                 ­                  
allowing them to take from me all I had to
give                                        
                                                                ­                                                
Saving nothing for myself, I'm an empty
soul,                                          
                 ­                                                                 ­                                      
    I need to find a remedy to help make me
whole                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                                        
 I was raised to give to anyone in need
                                                            ­   
  but I didn't realize that ''anyone'' was
  me                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                        
Thinking it was selfish to withhold my
love,                                                        
   ­                                                                 ­                                      
allowed me to put everyone else above                                                  
                                                                ­                                            
  Trying to please others was something I 'd
  do                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                          
  and I got satisfaction from loving
you                                                              ­              
                                                                ­                                                    
  By the time I noticed, I was someone who,                                        
                                                                ­                                                            
  wa­s never taught to show myself that love too                                
                             ­                                                                 ­                    
  I've been standing in the shadows watching others
live,                                                
                                                                ­                                              
  giving more of myself than I had to give

Where did everybody go?                                                              ­                
I used to have good
friends                                                          ­                      
                                                                ­                                                    
now they are all no
shows                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                              
  Is it because I'm at life's
end?                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
I can remember
when,                                                            ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­                 
I was a social
butterfly                                                        ­                          
                                                                ­                                                  
but I guess that was then                                                             ­     
                                                           ­                                               
because I'm barely still
alive                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                
Here I am all by
myself,                                                          ­                      
                                                                ­                                                      
in a lonely hospital
room,                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­   
can everybody else smell,                                                           ­           
                                                                ­                                                  
the sterility mixed with
doom?                                                            ­                              
                                                                ­                                          
Nothing to hear but the TV                                                               ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­
and the beeps of machinery                                                        ­            
                                                                ­                                                    
As the nurses check on me
carefully,                                                       ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­      
I fall in & out of sleep                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                  
My children come to see                                                              ­          
                                                      ­                                                              
me in my new
room,                                                            ­                          
                                                                ­                                                        
I hope they can erase,                                                           ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­  
visions of needles & tubes                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                        
  I shoo them all away,                                                            ­                                                
                ­                                                                 ­                             
when the doctors
come,                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                                
don't want to ruin their
day,                                                             ­           
                                                                ­                                          
because I'm not coming
home                                                             ­             
                                                                ­                                                        
I try to put on a brave face,                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                            
smile &tell them, I'll be
fine                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­      
but that's not the
case                                                             ­                                           
                                                                ­                                                  
and it's always on my mind

The sun boasted of romance's it had seen                                                             ­                                                               during  the previous summers of love                                          For there  have been many a young teen                                                             ­                                                            who fit that description like a glove                                                            Shining down to sun-kiss  pale skin                                                             ­     like a fourth of July firecracker sparklin'                                                        ­   Heating  up the fires that burn within                                                      Summer romances on the horizon                                                          ­           The lazy days and the long nights                                                           ­  staying  out  late by the bonfire light                                                            ­ The magic of romance ,touching your life                                                Feel  the rush and come alive

Magazines strewn amongst,                                                         ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­            
mis-matched coffee cups,                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                                  
white rings on the tabletops,                                                       ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                      
We are just getting
up                                                               ­                                             
                   ­                                                                 ­                                  
You yawn & look at me,                                                              ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­                making your way, groggily,                                                        ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­         
rub your eyes sleepily                                                         ­                   
                                                                ­                                                       
  as we exchange, ''good
  morning ''                                                               ­         
                                                                ­                                                
Hair sticking up in the air,                                                             ­           
                                                                ­                                              
neither one really cares                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                           
 Noisily pulling out a
  chair,                                                        ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­ 
both of us, with feet
bare                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                
Coffee smells
permeate,                                                        ­                        
                                                                ­                                                    
as it drips &
percolates,                                                      ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­             
begging us to take a
taste                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                               
  Aren't Sunday mornings great?

With his hands on his
ears,                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                                        
he tries not to
hear,                                                            ­                                        
                                                                ­                                                        
as the voices cry
out,                                                             ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­                      
in his head fear
sprouts                                                          ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­                         
You can sense his
frustration,                                                     ­                             
                                                                ­                                              
without knowing the
situation                                                       ­                                                                 ­
 You can see he's suffering
inside,                                                          ­                                              
                  ­                                                                 ­                               
and it makes me want to
cry                                                              ­                                      
                                                                ­                                                
Teary eyes and a smile on his
face,                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                            
he says that he feels out of place                                                            ­                                                                 ­   
 Urges me to want to pull him in                                                               ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                       
   try to give him strength
within                                                           ­         
                                                                ­                                                
Many years of pain, lived again &
again,                                                          
­                                                                 ­                                                   
as we both pray for it to go
away                                                             ­                               
                                                                ­                                        
knowing it has yet to
end                                                             ­                                                       
                                                                ­                                                    
So fragile is he, yet as strong as can
be                                                               ­     
                                                                ­                                                    
   you want to love him eternally                                                        ­  
                                                              ­                                                
Sweet, gentle giant innocent as a
child                                                            ­  
                                                                ­                                                
  with a perfect disposition and a weary smile

Every lie you say to me,                                                              ­                          
                                                                ­                                                  
every infidelity,                                                      ­                                              
                  ­                                                                 ­                               
taints another memory                                                           ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­               
 and you are slowly killing me                                                               ­                                       
                                                                ­                                                      
You have filled my heart with hate,                                                            ­                              
                                                                ­                                                  
every time you come home late,                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                                      
  my heart & head has to debate,                                                          ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­   
  you always end up second rate                                                             ­       
                                                         ­                                                       
Why didn't you just walk away?                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                              
  ­How can you treat me this way?                                                             ­     
                                                           ­                                                     
  You want your cake & eat it too,                                                             ­   
                                                                ­                                                 
 and **** you got a big, sweet tooth                                                        
                                                                ­                                                  
She didn't take you away from me,                                                              ­
                                                                ­                                                      
I will give you to her, gladly                                                           ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­    
then I will sit back just to see,                                                             ­               
                                                                ­                                                
what happens when she becomes like me

Just like a tapestry,                                                        ­                                            
                    ­                                                                 ­                                 
you are woven into
me                                                               ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­        
Two bodies, one
heartbeat,                                                       ­                               
                                                                ­                                                        
    I need you to feel complete                                                         ­       
                                                                ­                                          
  Whenever we are
apart,                                                           ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­              
you have a part of my
heart                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­       
   I could melt right into you                                         
                    ­                                                                 ­                                   
be your personal tattoo

In my efforts to escape your issues,                                                          I'm  left tarnished with the residue                                                          ­                 I gathered up any grace I could salvage                                                       before my heart became more ravaged                                                          ­ I  would rather be humbled than crumbled                                                         ­                                            from  all of the weight of your struggles