To the girl last-night
You aren’t my one and only
But you are my last
Lately I have been lonely
Victim of a breakup
So thank you, for the fun
I really enjoyed you
But now I must move on
I’m to mature for this
I truly know what it is I want
I can’t keep doing this
You don’t deserve to be led on
Commitment scares me
My insecurities have deep roots
It’s nothing you did
It’s all my fault and not yours
My brain plays mind games
So when we met at the bar
The alcohol helped
To drown the pain
So who you met last-night
Isn’t who I really am
But rather a drunk love version
Now don’t get me wrong
I feel we both had fun
and enjoyed ourselves
But I can’t keep doing this to
MYSELF
So I felt you deserved an
EXPLANATION
Before I
SHUT-DOWN
turn off

Distance created
Distance hated

I just want to be held close
I just want to feel chose

My insecurities won’t allow
My feelings don’t know how

Love really took my give a ****
Yeah, love really does ****

Love has no road signs, if only it did we may not get in so many love-wrecks

Regardless the red flags we may notice our emotions get in the way, hopeless

If only there were laws to protect us in the same way as we travel down loves path

Stop signs, yield, detour, speed limits all to defend us from falling prey

But that’s just not the case, so I only have myself to blame for my past accidents

My heart still exposed from our crash as it passed through my rib cage like an airbag

My love fax has 4 previous owners and 4 accidents, not so desirable

But hey I’m still running fine and In time hopefully the pain will fade

HOPEFULLY

Purple hills
Pink sky
Baby blue moon
Stars white with hints of
yellow outlining their edges
All the trees appearing black
against the backdrop of Mother Nature’s night


A Bluetooth speaker, one thick plaid blanket, a bottle of wine and my dream girl

A playlist I made earlier that day just for her and I, when the sky was blue, the sun burnt orange, no clouds in sight and I soaked in the sun

A perfect day that led to a perfect night and the suns rays recharged me with the warm love it spreads so freely

Our favorite songs now playing as we spread the blanket above a thick patch of blue grass and lay side by side singing along softly

Our faces meet in the middle as her eyes call for mine like magnets they refuse to separate

These are the days and nights I long for but for now it’s on hold as I go through this heartbreak grey

A crazy night
A crazy fight
Dark place
Dark face
ON
NO LIGHTS
Dazed
Hazed
CONFUSED
Lost
Cost
PAID IN FULL
Thoughts
laid to rest
cots
DAMAGED
put to bed
ALERT, ALERT
All I see is
RED
Ambition
DEAD
Hanging on
by a THREAD
WORDS said
other ones
UNSPOKEN
REGRET
THREATS
Within
AMIDST
Myself
WHO KNOWS
Caught
in a MOMENT
of TIME
STUCK
LUCK GONE
wrong
SONG
THE BEAT OF DEFEAT
My theme song
LOVE DONE
LOVE DRUNK
PUNK
DUNK your SOUL
PAIN
DRAIN
SANE OUT
ABUSED
USED
CUT LOOSE
At sea
LIFE A
SHIPWRECK
TIMEOUT
STOP
DROP
PRIDE
HIDDEN
TRUST is TOUGH
VULNERABILITY
FORBIDDEN
Attempts to forgive
ACCEPTED
BUT NEVER
APPROVED
Living BITTER
QUITTER
KNOT
*******
EMOTIONS
POTIONS
SPAT OUT
YOUR MOUTH
CLEAN UP
MOUTHWASH
DROWN
SOAK
CLEANSE
THE PAST
the PRESENT IS a
GIFT
LIFT YOURSELF
UP
NEVER LOOK DOWN
Ground
SOUND
HEARD
LiStEn
SHOUT
DEFEND
LEND
SEND
OUT
MESSAGES
Set SAIL
BAIL
NEGLECT
REJECT
BOMB
ExPlOdE
Shattered
to pieces
BROKEN
DISMISSED
*******
LIFE SWITCH
ON/OFF
FiNiShEd
LIFT OFF
3....2....1.....
COUNTDOWN
Time ticks
Time takes
Never does it
GIVE
SO LIVE IT UP
**** SERVED
PINCHED NERVES
**** HAPPENS
Don’t TAKE it
PERSONAL
REALITY
NEVER
SOMETHING
DIFFERENT
SCARS
STARS
GUIDED LIGHT
INTERNAL FIGHT
NIGHTS SKY
DARK MIND
REWIND
RE-LIVE
GIVE-IN
GIVE-UP
Back Now
BACK THEN
F👎🏻CKED UP
THUMBS UP
NOSE DOWN
EYES CLOSED
DANGEROUS
YES/NO
CONFIRMED
LIFE IS DANGEROUS  
WITHIN A MIXED MIND
MUTT
VALUES MIXED UP
MORAL COMPASS
STOPPED
NO DIRECTION

You’re an adult but miss being a kid , tired of a life requiring responsibility to get far

You decide to hide from it all and commit to just being a big kid but how with no toys

When you were younger your toys were your friends , stuffed animals and action figures

Before meeting you they all were nameless and hostage to a lonely retailers shelf

You felt connected as a mother giving birth to a childhood as you gave them purpose

Naming each and everyone, allowing them to tag along in all of your adventures

But that was then and this is now, how ridiculous you would appear with made up pals

Voiceless and choice-less, it’s just not the same kind of fun it was in your childhood

So now you contemplate and sit and ponder, it suddenly hits you like a bag of bricks: LEGOS

Toys with hearts is what you desire, with brains, with voices and real life emotions

So quickly you get excited realizing the possibilities of a completely filled toy-box

Is it fair to them to use them for your satisfaction as you toy with their emotions for fun

Nicer to some than others but the ultimate mission is to get them to ride your coattail

Never out for their benefit but rather yours as you see them as your childhood toys

At your dispersement as you see fit for your emotions and personal self benefits  

And when they realize it and get fed up, they move on but your not bothered by this at all

Because just as a child it was only a matter of time before you outgrew them one by one

Then on to the next big hit, the next big trend and the old toys left to take the hit, ALONE

Well these real life toys have hearts and it’s just not the same as they are being tore apart

But you could careless as you witness the pain and agony you force them to face

As they lay in pieces astray, your mind has already moved on , gone without a trace

Well in time this may seem to work as you get your socks off to others hurt

But the reality is the play dates will come and go but before you know it’ll be to late

You’re a narcissist, not a kid and the real victims aren’t your friends but rather you

They tried to help and tried to get you to see but your to into yourself to ever care

A lifetime of new acquaintances is your life sentence as you are always losing loved ones

All the misfits you have offended all pray for the day you can finally grow up

Because regardless the pain you have caused them they are toys with hearts

They bleed, they cry, they can relate, they can hate but they choose not too

Because your not worth any of their emotions and that’s why you don’t deserve

Toys with hearts because there’s no such thing, it just doesn’t exist

They are people and you’re a
F❤️CKING NARCISSIST, with an empty toy box

Mirror, mirror on the floor
shattered to pieces

If only you weren’t so guilty of being so true

Than maybe I wouldn’t of came so unglued

Letting my anger get the best of me from you

Mirror, mirror on the floor
I’m glad you are broken

All the reflections of myself you have projected

Never once have you told a little lie to cheer me up

Nor tried once to make me feel better about myself

Mirror, mirror on the floor look what you have done

This is all a result from your actions not mine

If only you knew how to be a better friend

Then you might still be on the wall but you’re not

Mirror, mirror on the floor you expose me

Time and time again never with sensitive skin

But rather eye for eye for who I really am

If only you knew how it felt to be like me

Mirror, mirror on the floor you now get a taste

For you can see your reflection through my eyes

How does it feel to see yourself broken ?

Finally you get a taste of your own medicine

Imagine a place
where your face
looks confident
Amidst a space
where you’re safe
without any doubt
Where your voice
no longer screams
but instead sings
Away from fears
from past years
and insecurities
A world in which
you can switch
and forever ditch
your past flaws
No longer
feelings undesired
they are retired
your now
whole again
Dressed in
new attire
feeling proud
and rediscovered
uncovered from sin
Horns, thorns , torn
GONE
Right, wrong
left, right
up, down
don’t exist
Only one way
for you to go
to know
to show
No stress from
OPTIONS
CHOICES
DECISIONS
SUBCONSCIOUS
SHUT OFF
Just be yourself
ACCEPTED
APPLIED
NO VOCABULARY
NOR WORDS
ONLY FEELINGS
WITH PURE THOUGHTS
OF ENERGY
No turmoil
no regrets
JUST SUCCESS
FOR EVERYONE
All LOVE
No hate
Second guessing
GONE
Everyones mind
STRONG
MENTAL HEALTH
No need for
AWARENESS
there’s nothing wrong
PERFECT
Would a place
or space like this
exist I ask myself
WITHIN MY DREAM
If one bite could be
REVERSED
and WORDS that were
HEARD were honored
by the ones that were
SUPPOSED TO LISTEN
To a GOD versus a snake
that took ADVANTAGE of
US ALL , not just them
SO WE PAY FOR
DECISIONS
Of others
Why not
PUT US
IN THAT PREDICAMENT
and let us
DECIDE our fate
As I awake from my daydream
from a phone ringing
As it almost falls off my leg
I catch it and see
AN APPLE WITH A BITE
OUT OF IT
I-PHONE
Could it be
THE MARK OF THE BEAST
***-***-XXXX
We know they record us
WE KNOW THEY TRACK US
We know they market to us
BASED ON CONVERSATIONS
just like the snake
ALWAYS IN OUR EARS
wait maybe this isn’t a dream
BUT RATHER A NIGHTMARE

Love is needed
love is wanted

But what love is to you
may not be what I needed

That doesn’t mean
you are in the wrong

But rather we are different
and love is in many definitions

So let’s not take it personal
let’s not blame each-other

When we both can just agree
that love is difficult and different

For each one of us
and we all deserve to be

Loved by someone that doesn’t take us for granted ever

Because that just doesn’t
seem fair or loving regardless

Of the various definitions
that love can truly have

Go ahead and look it up
in a thesaurus and you will see

That the words: pain, sorrow, grief , disappointment and hated  

Nor abused, neglected, forgotten , frustrated and mad  

Don’t belong in the pages you would read or the emotions you would ever have to feel

Truth be told ............

Flip, switch, fuse
Blown

Trace, replace, case
Repaired

Flip, switch, on
Power

FIXED

Think, thought, act
Regret

Reflect, dissect, face
Retrain

Think, thought, act
Proud

Fixed

Abracadabra
YOU’RE GONE

But wait
PEEK A BOO
I see you

HIDE AND SEEK
you say
COME FIND ME

But that was then
THE MAGIC
Is now gone
SO I’M NOT
Looking for you
ANYMORE

The final trick
I LET YOU PLAY
To cut my
HEART INTO TWO

But the ****** part
YOU KNEW
All along
THE PAIN
The hurt
YOUR INABILITY
To reverse
THE TRICK

Now I remain
IN PIECES
Without your
PRESENCE

Like a rabbit
ABANDONED
From a magicians hat
NEVER RETURNED
Back home
DISCARDED
As soon as
THE SHOW WAS OVER
No use
NO PLEASURE
Just a prop
TO YOUR AUDIENCE
A complete fake romance
OF FALSE LOVE

Her hands not used for being held but rather tools used to defend herself

Her eyes not used for someone admiring  but rather tools used to view threats

Her ears not used for hearing kind words but rather tools used to detect fear

Her legs not used for being massaged or touched but rather tools used to power the run

Her feet not used for being pampered but rather tools used to separate her from him

Her mouth not used for speaking kind words but rather a tool used to scream for help

Her hair not used for looking pretty but rather tools used against her to hold her down

Her arms not used for reaching things but rather tools used to block for safety

Her back not used for being rubbed but rather a tool used to remind her of the scars

It’s no wonder she feels so unworthy and can’t seem to find happiness within herself

Every inch of her body is a constant reminder of a monster, his abuse has created

Not by her choice but out of necessity for her to be able to survive and remain alive

If only she had a better example as a young girl of how a man should really treat a woman

Then just maybe she would understand and realize that this is not deserving for anyone

You see her mother had it way worse so to her this guy seems a lot better than her step-dad

To her, she’s better off together with him, out of fear no one else could love her for who she is

When she can’t even love the reflection of herself from the images of her own body

A sad but true reality that more young ladies are living than what any of us could imagine

Mother Nature’s wind
Passing freely with power
No rhyme or reason

Various seasons
Multiple temperatures
Only she decides

North, south, east and west
All amidst her control too
From the ground to sky

What lays deep below
Or what floats deep above
Confines her power

However her love
Cannot be prevented ever
For her actions just

Normally the cost
From her violent outbreaks
Is a cause from us


Our own decisions
Leading to neglect and harm
From lack of respect

We take this calm earth
For granted like it’s deserved
Versus a blessing

But we should all know
It can and will get way worse  
.Instead of better

When we don’t listen
To her many calls and signs
Then what to expect

An environment
Feeling abused by its host
What undeserved love

Mother Nature is
Far more deserving of more
From each one of us

Together we can
Individually we can
Every bit helps

Sins fill the air with temptations lust as it brushes against us all from the dust within the wind

Whispers go unnoticed by some why others are not quite as blessed to be able to not give in

Different upbringings, past situations, multiple variables all could be to name or blame

However the measure we all at some point realize we can change and rearrange ourself

Prayers answered for those who find the call sooner than later, better late than never though

Times hands forever moving in a direction that works equally against us all and our efforts

Face the demons, find the answers and break free from past patterns and catch time

For if you don’t it’s a guarantee eventually it’ll catch you wether you are ready or not to go

We can look at ourselves as we project or we can project the reflection we want to look at

When love for self is achieved the soul is relieved and all else slowly falls into place naturally

Morals are raised, values are introduced, faith is praised as we become our best self

I used to envy others that were born to a life with a strong foundation and support

That was before I could realize the beauty in pain and the strength in myself to change

Never ever will I take mental health for granted nor a good moral compass leading the way

Every battle, every fight, every obstacle I have overcome a true victory in my journey of life

I have learned you can’t earn the reward if the effort behind the sword isn’t genuine desire

I tried before to win the war but slowly realized you cannot conquer all the demons at once

Little by little with each battle I pick apart one flaw at a time hoping to become a better man

Childhood trauma is still known but no longer present bitterly blinding my faiths eyes

My past relationships all on good terms my mother and step-dad forever forgiven

Slowly building & strengthening our entire families wealth with  unconditional love

Something I’m realizing I have been missing and enjoy dearly to be able to be a part of

Faith forever missing with periodic acquaintances here and there throughout 31 years

Never to long to make a difference but moving forward I must be more committed

This coming Sunday will mark the first day that my son and I will try a new church of God

With hopes it will be a good fit based on other friends that currently go and invited us

However if not then we will keep trying other ones until we can call one our home too

The final straw among all of the calls I will try to defeat I think will be easier with faith

To break free from the chains of alcohol and although I have slowed down a little bit

I realize it’s had such a bad impact on my decisions from the past that I’m resentful to it

I’m hoping through my journey of faith it will help defend my choice to not cave in

Goals are made, plans in place, options outweighed so these changes can last

A smile on my face, a confident spirit, a cleared mind and hopeful heart I remain

For these changes and battles are not just for myself but also my loved ones and future love

My desire for a relationship is way more important than to remain the same guy I am

My sole motivation as I cannot stand to be alone but not because I’m not happy

But rather I want to express the love I have to offer by providing someone else with happiness

Nothing will be forced nor will be sought until I have overcame all my weaknesses

Every-time I have the urge to drink rather than give in I will reply with a new inked poem

Every-time the wind of sin brushes my skin I will not listen but rather write what I stand for

For I know what I desire and the fire from within has never been burning so hot with passion

By accomplishing these two flaws it will naturally call to my third and last imperfection

My ability to forget about the better for others when instant gratification calls out my name

This is a tough battle because I know I am a good father and my son never goes without

However a better life  I could provide for him and be a better example for him to witness

These aren’t easy adjustments to have to notice when you care so much about self image

These are not easy talks to have with yourself but most definitely necessary to grow

Others looking in might think how can someone be so messed up and lost in life

I said the same thing to myself for the last 20 years as I tried to hide a guy I wasn’t proud of

There are without a doubt others to that I feel for knowing how hard these changes are

You all as my witness I will prove it can be done giving all others hope from a bad

CHILDHOOD

There’s a store
downtown amidst the other
small businesses
that towers over the rest
big and fancy
with copper trim and gutters
big glass windows
from the floor to ceilings
showcasing their
expensive and upscale linens
I pass this shop
every single morning and night
and it never fails
something always catches
my eyes every-time
It’s so odd because I’m not
a materialistic guy
nor could I ever see myself
spending the funds
it most definitely would require
to buy one of their items
however there was a time
when I thought it would matter
and that time reminds me
of her because for my love
price never mattered
this place gives me trace
to find memories
of when I was still with her
for her presence
of magnificent beauty too
with elegance that
always demanded my attention
and I realize everyday
as I pass by this place twice
how much I still
truly love and miss my Jennifer
although I must
understand and realize this
just like the store
she has nothing to offer me
but a nice view
for her love I cannot afford
nor any other
in my current condition
however that
doesn’t mean I can’t imagine
a day to come
when I don’t have to
window shop

Dear Alcohol,

You were there for every fall, since the day I turned 21
You have always been some1
I truly could count on
When others let me down
Or truly just didn’t care
You were just a call away
No matter the time or day
Wether a bad memory from
my childhood past
Or an argument with my
current or last love
Whenever they didn’t
see eye to eye with me
You always had my back
Helping me to dilute the pain
Of suppressed feelings of
thinking I was unwanted
You have matched ounce for ounce every single tear over the years, I have ever poured out
You have never judged nor have you ever turned your back
You accept me for me regardless my past
So for that reason you have always been in season
You have been a crutch I’ve felt I needed throughout this journey called life
This breaks my heart to say this
but I only want what is best for myself, call me selfish but I can’t keep remaining your
ACQUAINTANCE
The truth is you’re just not any GOOD FOR ME , but that doesn’t mean I hate you
Nor do I blame you
For I am an adult and have always had a choice
It turns out all the relief you have provided, I now see as I get older is only a temporarily band-aid and I want the relief that will last a LIFETIME
Not just a quick fix that in time leaves me more broken
So for this reason I realize
that it is you that MUST GO
This isn’t just an idea that I’ll change my mind on
Nor is this a part-time feeling
but rather a quick, precise and firm decision to cut you totally
OFF, We can’t even visit
even if just for a minute because we both know that’ll lead to hours and within a day or night I’ll relapse back to the stage of an unhealthy version of myself , I hope you can forgive me but if not
I totally understand and realize you are entitled to your opinion but I know in my heart
I MUST MOVE ON !

Sincerely ,
Robert  J Grove

I didn’t replace me
You can’t face me
Keep calling me someone
IM NOT
That doesn’t change me
Back to who he was
Nor make me
Who I’m not
I have moved on
Overcoming
Childhood trauma
Past pain
HEARTBREAK
Insecurities
And feelings of
WEAKNESS
IM BETTER
Now time to
DIFFERENTIATE
Realize I’m ok of that
Now I got
OTHER BATTLES
Like alcoholism
And love for others
Besides MYSELF
Narcissism
FAITH
Might be the only cure
And I know in my heart
This to be true
But one step at a time
Leads to a lifetime of
CURE
Baby steps
This transformation
But 31 years of
HELL ON EARTH
Seems impossible to
CURE
Unless you want it BAD
And I sure DO
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
ACCEPTANCE
UNDERSTANDING
REALIZING
DESIRING
CHANGE
TO BE
OR NEVER TO NOT BE
THAT ISN'T OF QUESTION
I WILL AND IN TIME
BECOME BETTER
A PROMISE I
MADE TO
MYSELF

Acknowledge YOURSELF
ACCEPT
Adapt YOURSELF

BEWARE
Become YOURSELF
BELIEVE

Create YOURSELF
CONTROL
Conjure YOURSELF

DEVISE
Deliver YOURSELF
DETERMINED

Encourage YOURSELF
EMPOWER
Enlist YOURSELF


FREE
Form YOURSELF
FROM FAITH

When desire outweighs capabilities an incapable person becomes more motivated than that of a capable person with no desire

When motivation outweighs talent a talentless person becomes more passionate than that of a talented person with no motivation

When passion outweighs experience an inexperienced person becomes more successful than that of an experienced person with no passion

We all are only as desirable, motivated and passionate as we allow ourselves to be and once we comprehend that we become way more capable, talented and experienced in life

A mirror image of the spectrums reflection bounces off the glass and redirects itself as the brightness blinds the eyes that look upon the beautiful array of colors

The earth shakes from earthquakes as the glass breaks the spectrum separates and takes new shape from the voids multiplying through the division

Although broken quite arguably more beautiful than before as the various colors remain the same in color however take new shape through the many pieces

So often we focus on being complete and of strength rather than accepting the beauty of our many pieces when seen through the right eyes of loves spectrum

Not just of others eyes but that of our own knowing the reality of the matter is we all are just mirror images of our creators reflection when we accept faiths spectrum

A beautiful array of an infinite amount of pieces, colors, shapes, sizes all together to shine bright reflecting off one another bright lights of love and compassion

Left foot, right foot
back and forth
Faster, faster please
these issues might
CATCH UP

You can’t do this
voices whisper firmly
Stop, stop please
you can’t keep
DOING THIS

Your shoes soles
forever wearing thin
Quit, quit now
quit running scared
AND AFRAID

Be brave , face it
REALIZE it’s not
your fault
However it’s now
YOUR CHOICE

Heart on my sleeve
Knife in my back
Eyes opened wide
Nails with jagged edges
Body covered in bruises
Internally broken to pieces
Shattered like a mirror
My reflection currently scary
UNFAMILIAR

Mind tired and weak
Thoughts keep intersecting
Creating contradiction amidst
THE TRUE REALITY
Insecurities fog loves sky
Past trauma keeps resurfacing
Lately a struggle just to breathe
I have only myself to blame
FAMILIAR

Cocktail
Cockfail

You’re drunk again

Mixed drink
Mixed emotions

Try thinking sober

Multiple shots
Multiple plots

You keep ordering

Pitcher perfect
Picture perfect

From drunk eyes

Hungover again
Hungover pain

Still same problems

Alcohol calls
Alcohol falls

Your name again

You answer
You catch

Maintaining the pattern

Alone, afraid
Alone, unsafe

Numb the pain

You feel
You need

But you don’t

Your week
You’re weak

Put the bottle

Down now
Move on

Overcome the pain

Don’t count
Don’t love

Your buzz more

Than yourself
Than health

You got this

You can
You will

If you try


Angry sober
Happy buzzed

Sad when drunk

Regretful after
Disappointed after

But then you

Drink more
Drink none

Break the pattern

Physically weak
Mentally unstable
Socially disturbed
Emotionally battered
Economically drained
Psychologically f**ked
Damaged goods I remain
Thank God, I love who I am
Because I feel no one else can

A journey, a dream
to become better
I desire, regardless
the statistics
or what they say

To be realistic
I was captive
to past patterns
they nurtured
but not me

It wasn’t until
I realized this
that I could ever
be able to see
the difference

Once I did
I felt tricked
I was a slave
to bad luck and
a sinners way

Lost love
the cost of
my heritage
my only inheritance
but that was before

Criss cross
no longer parallel
perpendicular
to their views
I now will remain

They love me
they love me not
I’m no longer bitter
they loved me
the best they could

The bandages
are all gone
the scars have faded
I’m no longer adapted
but rather accepted

A soldier in war
coming back home
cannot be that man
that war made him
or had created

A doctor in surgery
trying dearly
to save a life
that has barely a chance
to be able to survive

That doctor
cannot take that death
to his home, nor be proud
of his failures when he
truly tried his best to be a hero

However he shouldn’t feel
ashamed but giving
the circumstances
how can he feel any different ? welcome to life

A board game that never
promises any winners
regardless the talent
or the efforts, wrong or right
no difference sometimes

I’m no mathematician
but it seems lately
it’s all just numbers
and all the smart ones
keep becoming more wealthy

You, him, her and I
the young , the old
And even the babies
we all are just numbers
they add, subtract. divide and
MULTIPLY

IRRELEVANT, IRRELEVANT
I scream because it doesn’t matter what they do nor what they did , I am who I am and know what it is .... that makes me or takes me to where I need to go

My mind the sky . My brain the star , like a compass to lead my heart just below , the right way , our souls float within our whole environment amidst our shells, this is our gravity to attract other like minds , this is our deterrent too, to the ones that try to dispute what we know is true

Faith
       Soul
         MIND-⭐️
             Soul
                Heart ❤️
​​​​                      Soul

Our energy consumes our world and protects us all , but until the energy is pure the light will never shine bright for the heart to see the star that leads us in life’s night or creates day !
SUN

A BEAUTIFUL GALAXY WE ALL CAN BE AND IF ALL MINDS WERE SKIES AND ALL BRAINS WERE STARs AND ALL HEARTS WERE ABLE TO FOLLOW BRIGHT MINDS
imagine the souls that would fly
IMAGINE YOU, HER, HIM, I , THE YOUNG, OLD AND
EVEN THE BABIES

what a world this would be
what a life we all could live
WHAT A LIFE
For you and I

Barely scraping by
arms to my side

FIRM

Shoulder to shoulder
confined within the edges

TRAPPED

Within this life
within these problems

CAPTIVE

To worldly temptations
battling my self-worth

WAR

Values disarrayed
confidence shattered

CONFUSED

Power in faith
strength in love

SUPPORT

Lost love
faith unfamiliar

ALONE

By myself
for the first time

CHANGE

Poetry came along
after a long distance

TIME

Providing an avenue
allowing a healthy vice

ART

No longer alone
with my feelings

ESCAPED

Forever learning about myself
through my own words

EDUCATION

Words forever kept
and some far to long

GONE

Bad memories, dark tales
past trauma, a bitter heart

FORGIVEN

The cause of myself
the cause of who I was

MINDSET

Others can affect us
and they did to me

REALITY

However the most important
lesson poetry has taught me

TRUTHFULLY

It doesn’t mean they can
control my feelings

ANYMORE

When you are of sound mind
when you are of a good heart

GENUINE

When you wear your heart on your sleeve and actually care

COMPASSION

You will attract the energy you strive to become

MAGNET

We must save ourselves before we can save someone else

FACT

We must love ourselves before we can love someone else

FACT

We must want to be saved and loved to become both

FACT

Faith is calling my name as it’s weighing heavy on my heart

BELIEVING

This life makes no sense without there being something

MORE

Thoughts of why I have been so unconvinced or scared

QUESTIONS?

As a broken person I had no foundation to build from

Weak

I felt undeserving and like a hypocrite knowing my sins

PATHETIC

Afraid of knowing what’s right but going against his word

GOD

Bitter from a childhood past that wasn’t his fault nor mine

ANGRY

That’s the only way to explain the way I treated us both

BADLY

That explains why my relationships always failed

HURT

In life most things are self-inflicted, but we must find the

CAUSE

Poetry saved me, poetry taught me , poetry shined the light

BRIGHT

To what it was that caused this, to the importance of love

HAPPINESS

For better or worse poetry never escaped me

LOYAL

The truth is a poet will never be alone unless they want to be

REALIZATION

It’s in our hearts, it’s in our mind, our souls and gives purpose

FULFILLMENT

My words aren’t combined letters but rather released

EMOTIONS

I write with rawness, the ink my blood, my pain becomes yours

EXPOSED

My happiness and self-growth also equally transferred

NOW

But who I was, I wish on no one nor those feelings

EVER

It was a necessary journey but one I’m glad has transformed

GONE

So my deepest apologies to anyone that felt left in the dark

SORRY

Watered down confidence
Triple shot of emotions
Love pours out
just as quickly as it is
washed down ....draft
Uncertain my true place in life
amidst a big menu
Somedays I’m wanted
other days I’m hated
Some people take me straight
others want just a part of me
I seem to adapt like it’s easy
but deep down inside
I want them to want me
for who I am, the good, bad and
UGLY
This isn’t a pitcher perfect
comparison but I hope you can see the parallels
My glass isn’t always half full
after many years of past pain
Some raise me high and decide
to celebrate making a cheers
Some rely on me to just be their medicine to dilute their fears
I can be average and truly mediocre however not opposed to dressing up , white linen cloths cover the tables, big fancy light fixtures and romantic music .... special occasion
However it seems most want me in the darker form, true hole in the wall, dim lighted , sticky bar amidst others that can make them feel better rather than change
Maybe one day I’ll be beside her and she will see my true value and TOGETHER we will enjoy each others company
TOGETHER, we will both respect one another
TOGETHER, we will not treat each-other like an item and for once we will be doing the ordering TOGETHER, of a life we both desire, TOGETHER
My future love

Love lost
lost ones love
gone

Never
ever to return
forever gone

A distant memory
you hold close
to your
heart

Tightly
you hold
onto it forever
trying to heal

The time moves
unlike your sorrow
unlike your pain
you feel
cursed

Hurt
you feel
their love gone
their love missed
Forever lost love

Drown the pain
Regret the threats
Your subconscious
Tells yourself
Don’t listen
Reply back
With laughter
Choose happiness
And choose
To love
Yourself regardless
Let go
Let love
For yourself
take over
Regardless the
Past pain
Or insecurities
Just be
Yourself genuinely
And accept
Who you
Truly are
Move on
Love life
And your
True self
For who
You are

Drowning
in past sorrows

Head
barely above waters

Struggling
just to survive

Fearing
for my life

Body
becoming more weak

Energy
depleting very quickly

Why?
I ask myself

Viewing
the light above

Bright
like the sun

But
it isn’t it

Rather
the bathroom light

Broken
and very insecure

Fears
create false situations

Imagination
runs with it

Caged
Within our heads

I grasp for my last breath
as I look down and the reflection of a chrome plug catches my eyes

I am in control and I do get to decide , as I pull the plug and the water slowly pours out from the drain

But wait , this isn’t the tub nor am I in the bathroom, quickly I realize I’m in the ocean and it was a piece of jewelry that caught my eye

I’m totally submerged under the water and the sun is beating down as the rays create lines pointing up like an arm reaching for me , calling my name ....

I go to kick my feet to swim to the surface, the sand crashes between my toes and consumes my heels as I feel so confused my legs extend up and I stand

I’m in shallow waters and I realize it’s just another panic attack  as I take a couple deep breaths , my mom calls from the shore “ son are you alright “ I pour out in tears crying uncontrollably

Yes  mom , I’ll be fine