I went to God, crying
Begging for release from this cycle of
Neediness, lack of worthiness,
desperation and pain.
She told me…
Why are you asking for pittance of love,
When I have an ocean of love pouring for you…
You are me and I am you.
Take it all and have it all.
With Grandeur and Glory.
This entire cosmos is yours to claim.
Don’t deny it to yourself…

Many come to me seeking this and that,
My offer is the same,
But will you allow yourself to have it all?

Good bye anxious days,
Good bye anticipation,
Good bye expectation,
Good bye stress,
Good bye over commitment,
Good bye bad attachment,
Good bye cravings,
Good bye pretense,
Welcome freedom
Welcome Boundaries
Welcome free will
Welcome choice
Welcome new possibilities
Welcome space
Welcome carefree-ness
Welcome authenticity
Welcome My self.

You showing up after years,
How is it going to steer?
Thinking of which, I go insane,
Will you be the same?
Will you look at me with the same intense eyes?
Again, singing the beginning of a thousand new dreams.

The seedling of this love...refuses to die
Lives with the only reason to make me cry
I have trampled it, scrambled it and buried it
Yet, stubbornly grows stronger every time I **** it

You are gone but not gone
Out of my physical world
but, come alive in my consciousness
every moment I see
something from your world

You ask me to forget,
Yet, you reach out
How do I behave
as though you are a drop in an ocean
while you are
the precious pearl I have ever known
the pain of this part is unbearable
even more when
you ask me to treat you unknown

I realised that the pattern was repeating over and over.
One day, I decided to face it.
I opened my wounds and surrendered.
Praying for healing,
Feeling the pain.
Then, it came.
I mustered enough courage to sit with the sensations in my body, feeling them, instead of
shutting it, numbing it,
running away, wishing away,
I stood there and faced it.
It was painful.
It felt like
my heart was shattered into thousand pieces.
my gut was wrenched out.
the nerves in my head pulled in all directions.
as if I was looted of every ounce of blood from my body.
It was raw.
It was cathartic.
Tears weren’t enough to bear them. Self pity did not help.
I cried, I begged, I screamed, I wallowed.
Finally, I gave up.
I breathed.
I just breathed, feeling the breath.
I had to let it all in before letting it all go.
Then, came some relief.
I see glimpses of freedom and joy,
It feels like a triumph.
It feels soft.
It feels calm.
It feels good.
It feels god.
That must be the healing.

I exist
No matter what...
Despite...

I exist
Fearlessly,
Securely,
Confidently,
Rightfully,
Claiming my space in the universe
I exist...because
I AM.
And I cant be anything else other than ME.

She was a little star in your fabulous night sky,
You are the brightest full moon.
She never wanted to be in the center
She always wanted to be a little dust that mattered
But, you turned to that star  and she shone as if she was the center of the universe
The little star was ecstatic and her life was suddenly meaningful!

And one day just like that, you turned away…
To the other side, leaving a dark sky
There are always many more stars in your world
Something else became the centre of your universe.

She waited and waited…
But only to realise that you would never turn back,
She never understood the waxing waning and the seasons of you.
Your night sky is spectacular as always.
The tiny little star went behind the clouds,
No one noticed, least of all, you.

The little star hides behind the cloud
For she could not bear to be just another star in your world.
She watches the splendour and grandeur of your night as you carry on
But could never find confidence to come out in to your sky
And she trembles watching her worst fears come true..
Never able to forget the love that existed in your eyes for her.
The dance continues…
She is now a dust that merely exists but not seen.

Finally,
It comes to an end but not an end
After being the most intense relationship that I had in my own thoughts
Ups and downs like a tornado, now landing exactly where it should be.

It’s an end but not an end,
It exists but it isn’t awake,
It rests unless one of us wakes it up,
And none of us wants to wake it up!
Then, does it actually exist?
It’s dead, but is it?

I am clear in my head and perhaps in heart that it is not love,
It is my own lack that I look to fill through you.
Isn’t it true that you also felt that you could fill your void with me?  
Isn’t it all what we look for, in a relationship?
Sometimes I want just that…
Why can’t we have our cup filled by someone?
Why is there an image of ideals and perfection…
That we have to be all for ourselves,
Not needing validation.
Why do we strive to be all?

You and me
We come and go
This river of love
it flows forever
though it flows from me to you
I am no one to stop it
It flows because it has to
Can it bridge the emptiness
that thrives between we two?
Years to come will tell
there is enough that is left

You do this to me
I was away from all the games of love
Trying to gather my pieces and find me my-self
You came and destroyed my entire wit and will
Proving to me that my resolute was next to nill
And I am left longing for you and fancying you every minute
From the moment you met my eyes, with love infinite
You are a gentle soul with the voice, sweetest
You teach me with the thought, kindest  
Full of talent and creativity!
Yet you need my attention? what a pity!
I am a plain jane, to your talents, unmatched
Human nature somehow is indeed complicated
Why o why

Without you, it is not the same
Food tastes stale, Moments seem pale
My eyes are searching Unbeknown
When I so surely know you won’t be shown
I imagine you coming along
Those days, they were like a song

Love so intense, could not have been expressed,
Realized it only when I missed
I was so lost in your eyes with no cares of time
Your beautiful light brown eyes peers into mine
As if you want to rip my Self apart and enter my soul
At that moment I feel we are united beyond the physical realm
As if your soul is descending upon mine
Two become one, Beyond the measures of space and time!

Words, waiting to be told – he said

How do I express what I hold
In my soul, in my longing for you to behold

It feels like a desire of a lifetime
Just to hold you once for real, in the hands of mine

I have held you for time immemorial in my soul
The wait seems forever when I will see you for real

From far away, you seem
Distant, quiet, and closed  
Discard anyone’s company but prefer to be in your own!
I came a little bit close, I saw you are -
warm, wise and witty,
Kind and one of your kind!
And a delight to meet!
Taught me a life lesson in humility in one evening!
It’s not very often I meet people who can inspire me so much in one meeting :)