Millie

Apr 2018

The Whisper

The weight of my thoughts;
This “pain” that I feel;
I wonder how much of it
Truly, is real.

Neglecting my health;
I seek comfort in vices;
Like cannabis, or nicotine.
But at least I’m not a drunk.

Yet I find myself in pain;
Itching for a taste;
For a glimmer of solace.
Just a promise of peace.

What am I craving?
What am I yearning for?
So I can feel high?
Or because I’m just bored?

I need something.

#addict #insomnia #insomniac #nicotine #addiction #cigarette

Millie Apr 2018

cold

wandering is beautiful
when rambled untroubled
I wandered into your arms
You anchored me with your love
reminded me of the need for a pursuit

You are beautiful
I lose myself in you
I open up my mind to you
I let my soul mate with yours
We are soulmates, its beautiful

I share my darkest thoughts and desires
This insight gives you the power I don't have
The power to love me for my flaws
a power I am yet to master
you are stronger

Now I run to you
To tell me how to feel
and interpret the jumbled mess
I can't comprehend in this head of mine
But there is only so much you can do

Now I am furious
irritated and hostile, cold to you
for not showing me the compassion
that I should have shown myself
in the first place

Raw thoughts after a heated argument with my boyfriend

#cold #sad #wander #forgive #love #self #soulmate #pain #understanding

Millie Apr 2018

Sip of Death

I take the first sip
then take a deep breath
A sigh of relief
Reassurance of my comfort zone

My head is quiet
I feel alive
I feel everything
Everything feels great

It's a few sips later
I feel a pain, the pain
Just under my right breast
I am killing myself and I can't stop it

#alcohol #sobriety #drinking #dying #relapse #comfortable #sad

Apr 2018

Words of a withering soul

Those tears

You know those tears you get
When you can't stop laughing
Because you don't want to
And they just rest on your cheeks
Until you finish your laughter
And you wipe them away

You know those tears you get
When you watch a sad movie
And you feel like the characters are real
Even though they're not
And the tears just rest by your lips
Until the movie is over
And you wipe them away

You know those tears you get
When you say goodbye to a friend
And you don't want them to go
But they need to go
And the tears just rest on your chin
Quivering
Until the dust settles
And you wipe them away

You know those tears you get
When you walk down the aisle
And everything is perfect
When love is beautiful
And the tears just collect on your eyes
Until you need to blink
And you wipe them away

You know those tears you get
When you remember yesterday
And you wish it were alive again
But it isn’t
And the tears just fall to the ground
They soak into the Earth
And you can't wipe them away

©Words of a withering soul

#tears #sad #poetrylove

Millie Apr 2018

Make This Stop

My mind is noisy
All the characters in this room are awake
One says to be quiet
Another says to speak
One says to cry
Another says she is strong
One says to apologise
Others don't see a fault

No one is in control
I'm not sure what to feel
or what to think
Its just a party
A loud, busy party
where everyone wants to be the star
of a show they have no details of

My mind is noisy
The soul has lost control
The body wants to end this show
The show is pointless
Is there a puppeteer
Make this stop
I want to disappear

#lost #anxiety #emotions #thoughtful #crazy #insane

Millie Apr 2018

Control Freak

Why
does the pettiness
of my silence
affect you
so badly

why
do you expect
by default
an adjustment
to your actions

why
are you quick
to call me out
on my shortcomings
but blind to yours

why
can you hear
only the sound
of your voice
and deaf to
the sound of mine

why
do you believe
that this control
is craved and
makes you
a saviour

why
can't you see
that your insecurities
are laughing
so loudly
at your ego

#insecure #ego #control #silence #love #hypocrite #selfish