I have this pain  
I have never felt before  
I don’t know why  
I only feel it when I think about you  
Your face and your smile  
Your eyes and your hands
I don’t know why it had to be
I try to stop thinking about you  
But I cant  
It’s like I have an image of you  
As the wallpaper of my brain
I still have your sweater  
From that dreadful night
The night I felt as if my heart  
My heart was going to jump out of my chest
But instead of it jumping out of my chest  
                                                                    I gave you my heart  
The first day  
That we began our short adventure
You pulled at the string  
You tore at its seams
When you returned it to me  
It was all broken and torn  
Maybe this is the reason  
My heart feels this way
I remember those dreadful words
They left your mouth and hit me as their target
I don’t love you anymore
That has enough power to knock the strongest of us down
Just like how you knocked me down
I still love you though
I will love you till my last days

I’ve kissed too many lips
who tend to forget my name the next day
I’ve hugged bodies who once kept me warm and loved
that are gone as soon as I realize they never meant it.
I’ve spoken words to people who didn’t even deserve to know the secrets of my universe
I’ve shared beds with souls who were only there to acknowledge their own self worth, while mine deteriorated with every second
I’ve loved humans who didn’t even know what love was, causing me to wastefully pour out whatever was left in my heart...
destructing into the fragile bit of me now

I want to
feel nothing for you.
I want to
soak myself in Novocain
when you pass me on the street.
I want to
not be blown away by the way
your hips shift when you walk .
I want to
delete memories of you
like they were data on a disk.
I want to
shove you so deep into a crowded backpack.
That thousands of years could pass
before I found you.
I want to
be like the neutered dog
able to **** away and away
with no consequence.
I want to
close my eyes and think of anything else
literally anything else
like dead bodies decaying
or something along those lines.
I want to
be free from your chains
and I mean that.
You don't seem to understand that
but I do.

Mean it.

Believe me.

I want to feel nothing for you.

I’m sorry I’m not good enough
I’m sorry I’m too loud
I’m sorry you don’t like me
But none of that is my fault
I can’t be what you want
And I hurt myself because of that
You don’t see what you say affects me
You don’t notice the self-inflicted wounds
You just keep adding on and on
On way I’ll break ya know,
With every words said against me
Another cut is made
Soon enough there won’t be enough room
When the day comes
Maybe I’ll have had enough of this abuse
Until then,
I’ll take what you give me
I’m just sorry you can’t see the good in others
I’m sorry you can’t see your own flaws
But sometimes sorry isn’t enough

i am locked within a cage
of my own making
my hands and feet are ******
from trying to climb these walls
made of my own bones and hatred

i am screaming please don't leave
but by the time the words
make their way up to my mouth
from this prison
only the word
leave
escapes my mouth