I don't necessarily have a religion. I don't like religion. I believe it holds you back spiritually. I'm just going to have to explain.

I don't believe in any one "god". I believe that there could possible be a creator. Someone higher who made our galaxy and pressed play.  Maybe in a different reality than ours. An alternate dimension within our own reality. Maybe when we die we never really leave, just pass through slides and given a new perspective on reality. Growing spiritually through the layers of life. I don't really know how we got here or if there is an afterlife. No one knows for sure. I've accepted this. This thought process is just an alternate view on life that I chose to believe to entertain myself. Something I've come up with to please my inner day dreamer. Something you cannot deny because you can't prove me wrong.

i’m better off gone.
so far that i cannot connect
so far that i cannot find
my mind.
for in fact,
i am a wanderer,
adrenaline addict
drug fiend.

do not get my wrong when i say i am better off gone.

away and untamable.

drifting across the oklahoma wind,
just as violent and atrocious.

Here today is where i sit, on this porcelain thrown is where I ****. 
Counting off the minutes that go by.
My elbows leave red marks on each thigh.
Thinking on what I had to eat last night. Maybe I shouldn't push with all my might.
Then my peers start to evacuate.
I could have possibly lost some weight.
Feeling fresh and renewed I head back to class. Hopefully no one can smell my ***.

I am infinite, I am beyond restrain. 
Powerful with my light, there is no end to my reign. 
I am all who I say I am and more. 
You may only step where I've stepped before. 
I bring the winds and I bring the rain. 
Drown me out and I'll bring you pain. 
Shelter the light, I cause the storms.
Lightning and thunder as the heavens perform. 
Floods in my mind to wash out the pain. 
Step to me again and I'll **** you in vain.
Drop to your knees you'll now down yes you see. 
I am infamous, no one can stop me.

sounds in the dark
cowardly, yes is he
run to your mother
I am the almighty
fear my gaze
I destroy all
only move in the dark
I cannot fall
there's a fight in my head
and your time is near
I'll punish your all
you have something to fear
let my shadows cast out
you'll have no where to hide
every man, woman, and child
beg thy mercy for you cannot side

sad boy
sad boy
dark and lonely
malicious thoughts
the devil is my homie
sad boy
sad boy
weird and stoney
i smoke drugs
demons, they own me.

Constantly in motion
I dream of you
To tame a beast
A beast of no remorse
Never to feel anguish or pain
Walking this earth alone
A beast that does not want
Lonely and hostile
Driven insane and isolated
To teach a monster that cannot love
A beast that is vulnerable
I dream of you
To free the beast
A beast that needs no help
Pushing everyone away
Crying out for help
A beast that has no soul
Searching for another like its own
Incapable of love
A beast that is hopeless
Unmotivated and transparent
Still cannot stop time
I dream of the day
A man is no longer a beast

Friends come and go like the seasons change.
Nothing last forever, nothing we can arrange. 
You are special to me.
Too special for the eye to see. 

I have this feeling or sensation, its more like a connection, but its nothing more than pure affection. 

Like when you go down a roller coaster and your stomach turns.
It's the same thing when I'm with you, my body churns.
It's your physiological essence that I seek.
Something unexplainable, you could say unique. 
Words are only half of what I feel.
The rest is in my actions and what I conceal. 

I don't think this.... Will ever go away.

Hopefully you will kind of understand what my worlds are trying to portray.

I am fascinated with love. I always have been. I want to know someone more than they know themselves and love it. I want to connect with someone, instantly. I want to be holding you in my arms and know that I'll never let go. I want to understand you in ways that no one ever has. I want to be your light in the dark. I will be all of your strength and you will be my weakness. They say when it's real you just know. I'm not looking for love but if she finds me I won't look past her. I need a friend. A lover. Someone who sees and understands. Perfect in her own ways

have you ever considered we're just different?
an attraction not capable.
we deserve a certain type of love,
something that only a certain one can offer.
please don't take it the wrong way
but i can't do this.
i'm too different.
i'm too much
it's just lust
follow your heart ma
don't follow me

**** around
too many thoughts in my head
they need to breath
they need to be
i’ve turned my anxiety inside out
and broken through the wall.

substance user  
feeling abuser

i am the ghastly ideas that
pace under your bed at night
the man in the corner at a
short glance.
feel my pain because i have none left.
clear skies reflect white lies
i don’t want to change my brown eyes

Talk to me about your inconsiderate thoughts of leaving everyone and everything behind.
Tell me about all the pain and hatred that lingers in your mind.
I want to know why you do the things you do
How you got there and why your favorite color is blue.
Explain to me you life from the start.
From your first memory to the time you fell apart.
Let's walk to the edge of the earth and skip rocks on the clouds.
I will never let you stumble or fall, I am your crutch this I've vowed.
I have a love that does not sleep.
It's all for you and yours to keep.
Keep my words close so you can always remember.
The sad cries of a poet locked in December.

Often over exaggerated and far too elaborated,
I over think.
Every outcome is weighed for possible gain or loss.
My mind works in a way where I cannot,
Strive without suffer.
I return to pain to remain the same.

Dance with me under the moon and the stars.
Let's take this night and make it an eternity. Listen to the sounds of the dark.

Sweet slow melodies fuel desires. Reflections of our lives are no more.

Nothing matters except the moment present.
Come with me my queen. Where we go is forever. Trust my voice and let go of this world.

Fall into my arms and never let go. I am here now and time moves slow.

Take my word for it, we'll find a shallow place down by the sea.
Somewhere nice where the sun fills all cracks of life.
A paradise I dream of. Where time doesn't move and life is love.
Somewhere far from the influences of society.
Somewhere I can be free and let my thoughts sustain.
I am the only factor in the constant rotation of the earth.
A wandering soul looking for another like mine. I am the undertone beneath the words you speak. Feel my breath as if it were your own. Come out of the slump and rise a King. You are a man, a mere mortal with an influence that can touch all.

Dance with me now on this day,
Run away with me forever is where we'll stay.
Let's leave reality and just float,
Fly away with me as I've once wrote.
When I lay here all alone everything is new.
No worries, no stress, nothing to keep me blue.
I'm wandering in this world searching for me.
Learning and finding my way in this sea. 
You belong to me as I've said before, 
I'll scream it louder than a thunders roar.
Hear me in this dark time of haste, 
This is our only chance we cannot waste.
Break me down and free my soul,
An eternity is something out of my control. 
I'm screaming and calling your name,
Shrieking to the heavens In my shame. 
Why did I **** what was once mine?
Torture is better than the sun not shine.
Endless seconds I cannot sleep. 
Endless pain you have my heart to keep.

When I sit here, silent and still.
Cares and worries are gone. Nothing matters. No one, no object or anything could hold me back. I'm my own fear. I'm my own pride and fall. I have the power. I am infinite. I'm in control. Who can stop me? Realization of time. Hopes and dreams fall. Heart breaks ****. Depression. Start to ask questions and hate the answers. Plans are changing and it's getting colder. Time is against me. So why do we do the things we do? The distractions and mazes. The pain and the fight. Days of no sleep and still you ask the question. Who can stop me?

I was an innocent teenager so madly in love that nothing else mattered. We used to talk about leaving that small town and making something of our lives. She used to make harmless comments toward my caramel complexion in contrast to her milky white skin. We thought nothing of it but that wasn't up to us. Her parents were ignorant and we were colorblind. I remember the day I stopped feeling

I turned my shoulder when I left to college and ended our suffering. The pain was so much I made a selfish decision to rip out my corazon. I never intended to taint their precious daughter. Evil won for once. She kept my heart because I left it beating on her concrete drive way.

Now I am bound to no one.
a hopeless romantic incapable of love. I think to myself if I will ever love again. Dreaming of someone that sparks my interest. Hoping she would take my soul for keeps interrupt my selfish feelings towards emotion. I dare someone to skin my barrier of rotten love and moldy affection. I will never feel again.

Living is not certain
The devils hallows creek as the wind manhandles the trees.
The stench of October reeks intimidation amongst the other months.
Pumpkin patches stain orange to the dry dead earth this time of year.  
But we proceed along the as crow flies.
The witch in the forrest is dangerous,they say
Clearing 18 towns and draining blood from 97 head of sheep.
Her spells are claim to subdue any man she pleases.
But we proceed on against the blistering wind.
My 2 lasting companions come armed with only a knife, a bible, and a blessing from the pope himself.
the journey here killed my other 48 men.
Our bodies are drained of everything and our feet are rotted to the shoes we walk on.
But we proceed on past the drab pumpkins
We break camp for the night but don't make a fire. In fear we might wake the evil that lives in the forest.
Deprived of food and water we have no choice
but to proceed on in hatred vengeance.
The land we once farmed and lived is now dust and I blame the witches plague.
The best thing now is the bitter cold pumpkin that fills my groaning stomach.
We huddled for warmth that night and I silently came to a conclusion. I was dead before I woke.
Orange stained to the dry dead earth.

my mind is on repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
my mind it doesn’t not sleep
sleep
sleep
sleep
sleep
sleep
sleep
sleep

Searching for a purpose, just motivation.
To get past the thoughts that down my creation.
Understand that this world is mine,
I've got problems so can we just share some time?
To think about all of the good days
The ones where we were careless in a daze.
Running through life like we're in a maze
Lost and selfish these people don't see my inner ways.

I remember we talked about something,
That ultimately lead to nothing.
Using my body to ease your mind
Forgetting him was not hard to find
I am an object used for lust
I have no feeling my heart is a bust.
A careless male that has no soul
Drowning in pleasure pain is our goal.
Claw, scratch, and bite I can go rounds alright
Tell me you love me but only for the night
We crave something we done need
Take off those heels and follow my lead
*** I feel shame, I find my height in this story
A sad reminder of a love once mandatory

I am your light
Your guide in the night
Walk with me now
Travel as far as we can
Infactuated beyond belief
Lovely words drive me
You are beautiful
You make me weak
Watch my words speak
Let me be yours
Your power
Your balance
Your hero
Someone you want, and need.
Yours.
My love to exceed
I am King,
Will you be my queen?
I visit you when I close my eyes
Elegant but powerful
Never to leave my mind, 
You see who I am
Your deepest thoughts
I want to know you
The real you
The you no one else has ever seen
Show me your soul
If you trust me
I will not hurt you
Only to serve you
My Queen
Eyes that take souls
Smile that never stops
Beauty beyond belief
Wrapped in your graceful touch
So tight you can never leave
I crave you
Day and night
a fire you started in me
that cannot be extinguished.
Someone who sees. Who understands.
Feeling it's warmth.
Never to leave my mind.

i feel like i'm going crazy inside my head.
dark thoughts with lucifer,
he stays under my bed.
peel back my skin,
i think i'm already dead.
no time to waste,
i gave my soul to the devil instead.
creepy crawlers under my skin.
demons filling me with sin.
trying to hold back the monster within.
myself.

Sometimes I get so worried
Worried that you'll hurt me
I don't mean to
Just how my mind works

Like, I want to put all of my trust in you but it's hard
I know it takes time

Sometimes I just need reassurance
I feel like I'm annoying
I feel my path is not connecting with yours
I get so scared
So scared I'll get hurt

I've been stood up so much
I hate it

Before you I had no one
No one I trusted with my emotions
I couldn't
No one could handle them or even try to understand

I don't want to put all of my problems and thoughts on you
I need to let it out though
I know it's eating me alive
I know I still hurt
The distance is what worries me
I know why people cheat
I'm a psych major. 
I know people
I know how they are

My mind is a curse
Sometimes I hate it and want to give up
Everything is just too much at times.

For someone to walk into my life like you
It's unbelievable
Its scary
I'm scared of what you can do
You have to power
Don't miss use it.
Please don't

If you must, then let me down easy.
I am the person who puts 100% into a relationship.
I will do everything in my power to please you and myself.
I like balance.

Have I ever told you my deepest fear?
Well it's love.
As beautiful as it is, it can end in seconds

I have so much to give
So much to show you
If you give me time I will

I don't mean to be of offence to you
I just want you to undertand

Unlock the inner perceiver
Nothing more than a day dreamer.
Take me to a place of unimaginable sights.
Big waves with pretty lights.
I contemplate my existence to a spec.
We are just a space in retrospect
What is this life that we seek
Something unobtainable we peak.
An empty hour glass because time is not real
Make your own life it's only what you can feel.

My mind is careless and my heart is empty.
Unconsciously knowing I've have plenty.
Standing tall here and let nothing get in your way.
Putting my words into a graceful ballet.
Heated and undone but at what cost? So I can sit here and show you all I've lost.
Time is an unbeatable and never ending gift.
Trying to put the weight on your shoulders but the pain comes too swift. 
Constantly being drawn back to the fire.
Showing love and fueling these never ending desires.
Who are we to love in this world or to say what's ours?
Dreaming of possibilities that reality devours.
So dance with me before the storm hits.
Show me all of my sins that love commits.

I know it hurts. 
I know how bad. 
You can't even talk to me.
I can't help but die inside.
Wish things didn't have to be this way.
I'm sorry for everything.
I know you're sorry too. 
You're still holding me down. 
How do I let you to? 
Haven't heard from you in over a month. 
Hope you're moving on.
I know it's hard.
How to love another?
I cannot imagine.
Still.
I am stuck here.
Lonely and cold and weak.
Waiting on someone. 
Someone like you.

A country where we praise the amount we can eat.
Filling our stomach, far beyond the limits.
Where our world is starving
Where we gluttonize until we hurt
Nourishment is now indulgence
Selfish pigs
A society of no moral values
Biased opinions we curse ourselves
Feeding our own minds poison
What hope of change
We aren't mighty
Not flawless
Instead we are human

i wonder if you think about me the way i think of you.
a gracious outlook for sure.
mostly your innocence that gives away a surprising number.
tell me about the things that go on in your head.
do you fear that one day we’ll all be dead?
i like the way you look at me when i compliment your brown skin.
a smile that warms the oven.
i admire you from a distance
because i am not worthy of existence.

An innocent teenager so madly in love that nothing else mattered. We had a bond that no one but distance could break. A fire we thought would never extinguish. A world we thought we could change.

I turned my shoulder and made a choice to be free from connection and emotion. The choice I made was selfish/necessary. I needed to find me. She kept my heart because I left it beating on her concrete drive way.

I am bound to no one.
a hopeless romantic incapable of love. Pressure gauge my understanding of a woman. Try to take my soul for keeps and interrupt my selfish feelings towards emotion. I dare you to skin my barrier of rotten love and moldy affection. I will never feel again.

my dismal attitude is still there,
although the downcast of my emotions
hit it's peak yesterday. today i am deranged and infuriated. not by the fact that i am alone, which is my preference, but at way the irking wind blew against my sleeve on my way to class this morning.

i despise the contented souls who have never fantasized about death and it's properties.

Misfits of our own culture we don't belonged to society. Never appealing to the normalities or stereotypes of our reality. While the government feeds common people lies to their filtered brains. They are hypnotized by Fox News, Facebook, and Forbes list. Forced to believe what they're fed. Although we never gave into the corruption. Instead we kept our minds open and cultivated our walls with the beliefs of our own.

I like how you dance to no music,
looking around so no one thinks you're a lunatic.
And how you get mad at the wind for messing up everything, mostly your hair.
I can't help but smile, mostly because you're unaware,
of my selfish thoughts that you'll never leave.