My body betrayed me
When it felt my skin
On yours.
It shivered and
Quivered,
It always wanted more.
There is glass
In my chest;
Nothing more.
Blue is color
Of lovers;
June is no more.

Eyes betrayed I by
Letting you cut me
And break me,
So please,

No more.

Please put it away.
Just give it up.  
Do you see the tears falling from my face?
Each one glistens as bright as your perfect little liquor.
Mom said to forgive you.
I did you see,
But you keep adding to your list of broken promises and stinging words
That you chuck at me.
Please throw them away.
Just give them up.

I let you hug me last night
When you cried and apologized to me
Tears swelled up in your eyes and soaked into my sweatshirt.
Please throw your crying act away.
Just give it up.

Because
I already forgave you
For when I was 3 and you hurt mommy and me.
I already forgave you
For when you made me think my life was about to end at the age of 10.
I already forgave you
For when I was 17 and you made me drop to my knees and painfully sob my chest out.
I already forgave you.

I wanted your love for the longest time
But now there's a numbness
That grows more and more
From each heart ache
You place in my life.

I already forgave you,
It's just these images
And feelings of fear
Are stuck in my head.

I just need to put them away.
I just need to give them up.

It is easy to escape

From being

What we actually

Are

But,
One day

You will

Bounce back to

What you really

Deserved to be

You told me to go tell my therapist everything
Because You didn't want me to tell you anymore
And that's when I really felt it.

Those who go to bed early
Look forward to tomorrow
Those who dread the coming day
Stay up until they can see the sun
Just to make sure they'll make it.

I have to constantly tell myself that I didn’t love him.
I used him
he used me
for comfort, and comfort only.
I’ve only ever loved one human being in that way on this planet. 

And it’s okay
because when I tell myself I didn’t love him
I know we were in the same place.
Our chests were both hurting from someone else
hammering
nails
into
our
hearts.
We needed each other then
but we didn’t love each other ever.
A.p.

Cover this body with layers upon layers,
Each one hiding the secrets I don't want
To tell. They yell my ***, Scream it out
Shout it and others follow suit.
Four letter words may make violence but
S-H-E causes earthquakes inside me.
My curves curse me to wear my **
Chromosomes like neon paint
Warning sign: This person was born
Female. Born into an imaginary category,
Forced to conform. My mind
Is at war with the mirror eyes staring back
Those little details sticking out
Highlight them, cutandpaste to another
Body.
Maybe this bandage will keep me safe from
The gender police maybe people will be
Confused and not ask Maybe they will ask
For once and not assume.
Maybe I'll lose enough oxygen that it won't
Matter.
Matter is all I am, atoms twisted together in
Disarray and how can you call that Anything but what it is.
I defy this binary, refuse to walk the
PinkorBlue tightrope.
Let me fall and land in purple.
Let me live in the inbetween.