my love
for you i fell from the height of innocence
for you my heart was burned alive
for you i put a smile on my face
despite the brutal pain torturing me from within
my love
for you i changed who i was
for you i hurt myself
alas, i cannot say that you were the one who was responsible for my pain
for i did this to myself
all for you

when i was younger i begged time to go faster
i wanted to grow up right then and there
but now that i know the horrors of growing older
i wish i could've stayed young

my first crush committed suicide.
i remember the hurt at a young age
from chasing him around his living room
begging him for a kiss.
from my young age i knew i wanted him
in my life forever.
through his weaves and gagging
running around the furniture and up the stairs,
losing him sounded foreign then
and having lost him now, still feels the same.
our fathers drank and our mothers giggled
born three months apart
our future planned together
both saying "i do"
uniting us all together.
life flew on by
us both fighting with ourselves
and downing the bottles underneath the bed
loaded and silenced
family portraits painted in red
long life memories all put to rest.
only one made it out alive
but it's hard to breathe
out of us how was it me
and you in a little box
where a diamond ring should be.
my mind keeps wondering
when will i stop chasing you
then my heart replays
every time you turned a corner
you looked over your shoulder
and how you smiled at me.

we waltz in perfect time at the end of the line

back and forth

swaying

with a face full of smiles

with a heart full of ache

that the music will soon be over

and so we will.


but just for an extra moment
i get to hold you near me.