The past is a present I've already opened
The future is glass
Between the cracks I see non-lighted structures
Do you understand that I'm not real sometimes?
Today I feel whole but not together
Today I feel heavy, relatively
Today I feel like soft dirt spread across a lump of fire
add water, mix and set to spinning in a void
Whatever springs up will forget that you exist
Today I feel like a forgotten goddess
Today I am a beach, in rhythm with myself
I don't need anything else but my rhythm and my sky
I am my heartbeat
Between the cracks in my eyes you'll feel unimaginable things
It may take forever to remind you that you're real sometimes
Today you seem mechanical again, magazine and success in your eyes
Twitch to find your muscles
Is it so strange to speak to the body you wear your whole life?
Who is my skin?
Left pieces of me everywhere today
But tomorrow I'll eat them for energy and feel ripe again.
Don't listen to me, this is just artistic expression.

Half awake, half past noon
grey light shines dutifully
just past my eggshell
window sill.

I try to clear my head,
collect my scattered
thoughts, straighten all
the heart strings that get
so inevitably tangled within
one another, and definitely in

the web of uncertainty you've
woven for me.

I've walked for centuries upon
a sand filled beach, a dozing meadow
mostly cement and concrete
I never thought I'd be more
concerned about someone other
than me.

You're slipping away, so ever
slow, day by day
you're getting tired,
and it's getting too late
for me to be saved.

someone told me time heals everything
but time is not gluing my heart together and fixing the spaces where you belonged
time is not erasing the image of your body, lifeless and cold
time is not healing anything
all time does is stall.

I
have joined up those strings of which I cannot measure, wound them around a wooden spool, pulled them apart strand by strand, unwound and measured again, but still can't tell you how long they are.
Would they reach the moon?
possibly,
I have no time to find out now, the length of the string, joined, is no matter and yet somehow,
it is the string which wakes me in the night wondering if I might be wrong in not going on to find out how long the pieces are.
I wonder why I care,
the string is there,
I am here.
Sliced or diced
chopped or lopped
the string remains,
a reminder to me that whatever I am
I will always be
the length of a piece
of string,
unmeasured.

I watched four comets crash,
my eyes, both seared,  soared high
underneath a crimson sky
and I caught death to ask,
'did I die?'

I live to see the sea turn ashen grey
to see the wilderness of day
the flight of no more albatross
no herring boats sat in the bay
no more laughter,
someone plays a violin which fits in
with the mood I'm in.

Heavens fall from up on high,
four comets crash and in
a flash,
everything falls apart.

Cassiopeia in an urn,
a Greek and
each
seek in their turn
a star
afar,
and who's to say that
if a star should have its way it
wouldn't send a fire to burn
Cassiopeia,
in an urn.

Cassiopeia rules the sky
men may try and many cry,
but few have seen
the naked beauty of
this
Northern Queen.

To address all of the feedback I've been receiving in regards to the way I write or express myself I want to make some things clear.
#1.  I want to share my utter graciousness and love to all of those who support me on this website. I never thought my poetry could touch the lives of so many and have this sort of effect. I really do, truly thank all of you who have spent your time posting lovely comments or even liking some of my poems. You guys are the best! You are the reason I keep writing and feeling proud for all that I do. Thank you so so so so much for all of your love and appreciation. I can't tell you guys enough.
#2. In regards to me "seeking attention" or "getting recognition" from other people. In some way, I suppose you're right. I do want recognition for the work I produce in terms of my poetry. I want people to read what I write and share their opinions on it because I enjoy simple literature, reading and writing in general. I am not writing to having people say "poor you, you must have it so hard" I could honestly give not a single **** about any of that. I appreciate your concerns but I have friends and family who love me that I turn to when I'm in need of real support- and I write to simply get the residue of whatever bad feelings are left off my mind. I appreciate the heart-warming, extremely loving comments that I've received from many of you and they really do mean a lot to me and make me feel like I'm worth it. This is not addressed to you. This is addressed to the people who believe I'm trying to get attention by putting my work out there, this isn't what poetry is about- so stop projecting your own ideas and thoughts onto me. You will be blocked and unfollowed- I don't have patience or time for this ignorance and stupidity. I write from how I feel in a specific moment, whether that be happy, sad, depressed, loved, uneasy, numb, crazy- these are all parts of who I am, everyone can relate to all of these feelings- I just choose to express them more intensely or publicly than some. Some choose to post them on Facebook, or Instagram or church or to their friends- so please don't patronize me for simply expressing how I feel at a certain time. Poetry is meant to be shared and loved and constructively criticized, poetry is from the heart and soul of those who can't seem to express it any other way.
#3. Any comments regarding religion or spirituality in general I would rather address personally through a direct message- I was raised Roman Catholic- baptized, confirmed all that jazz. I also had the luxury of having a Buddhist grandmother and from both of those experiences in each religion I personally related to the Buddhism concept a lot better than the Catholic/Christian one. I believe there is a higher power (to some perhaps it can be seen as what you define as "God" or "Jesus") but to me I feel like it is so great that none of us can put to words or even fathom exactly what it is. Heaven and Hell both exist on Earth to me, I've seen glimmers of both. And I personally believe that when we move into the next world after our time on this earth has ended (death) that we are thrown into complete knowledge, complete understanding of the meaning of life and all that surrounds us. Perhaps not immediately, but eventually in the grand eternal scheme of things. With that, it is no ones place to try and change anyones point of view or beliefs in any aspect- I believe what I believe and if there is an all forgiving God, he would surely understand that.

So thank you to those who have kindness towards me on this site, and to those who don't? Find another poet to follow because I am clearly not your cup of tea.

Peace, love, hope & compassion

xox natasha