I remember waking up next to you in the mornings, our fingers intertwined under your covers. The door would always be open, the thin curtains pushed back so that the sunlight would caress our skin until we awoke.
I remember your call when I was admitted to the hospital. Hearing your choked out sobs, the words of fear and devotion and love spilling from both of our lips.
I remember the tears we both shed after endless movie nights snuggled together in your basement. We’d fall asleep together on the floor, our bodies fused together under a mountain of blankets and stuffed animals that we shared.
I remember the feeling of your arms around me as I cried out in the dark... you swore that it was all okay and that you loved me, that things would get better in time...
God did I love you. I loved you with every single ******* fibre of my being, yet somehow that wasn't good enough. Somehow, 10 years of total devotion to you was not enough. Yet somehow you made it my fault, and I loved you so much that I let myself believe that it was true, thinking it would keep you by my side.
I still remember the day that you left me. The tears ran down my face like a river as you said goodbye to me for the last time. Your name tumbled out of my lips, a desperate plea for you to come back...
Four years later, and you’re still not sorry...
four years later, and I still am.

everytime a shiver goes up my spine
I can’t help but remember your touch;
the way your fingers laced together against the curve of my back
                                                            ­            while you molded your lips
                                                                     against mine, fusing my skin to yours.

everytime I see you
I see the smile that I fell in love with
and the pool of lust in your eyes


                                    that was enough to bring
                                    me to my knees
                                    before you.

hearing your name brings me back
to our midnight conversations
in the dark,
back when                                                             love was kind                  
                                          ­           and your words planted flowers in my veins

every breath
reminds me that
after everything
                                                 I was not enough
                                             to satisfy your hunger,
that the taste of your lips
was the taste of a
desire so stale
that it could
****
me


now I lay awake
crying in the dark,
wishing for your lips
against mine.
                                                         I just want to die.
just kiss me,
just
****
me...

I think the saddest part of growing older
is watching everyone else find happiness
in the places that you spent years searching through
and came up empty handed
every
single
time.

I feel like I’m underwater;
I’m drowning in the dark.
Shaking and screaming
as the water fills my lungs.

I’m drowning in the dark,
alone and afraid.
Kicking and screaming
Against the icy water.

Alone and afraid
I long for your touch
against the icy water
to keep me warm.

I long for your touch,
caressing my skin
to keep me warm
while my body goes numb.

Caressing my skin,
the darkness wraps around me.
While my body goes numb,
my mind fills with fear.

The darkness wraps around me--
shaking and screaming,
my mind fills with fear.
I feel like I’m underwater.