When you said
you wanted us an end,
my heart raced,
skipped a beat,
died a bit.

I was torn-
a little,
in two,
in pieces.

Forget about the
tarnished pages, tingy blues,
tattered memories, ties severed, a love that died long ago.

Papers stained of sweaty inks, tear scented poetry,
someone lives
between the lines-
you.

You did turn your back on me.
You did know you were hurting me.

You ghosted me. I called you... day after day... after ******* day... and you left me to burn.

Call it what you will. But you cut the cord and let me float away into space. Cold. Dark. Empty.  Space.

I nearly didn’t ******* make it back.

Don’t you dare pretend what you did was ok.

I’m still seething. 5 years later. I wish you didn’t leave me this way. I’m a broken human.

All I wanted was a good bye. But no. Self preservation kicked in. And you turned and cut and ran.

Who cares about ikizim when you can only care for yourself.

Ikizim died that day. For both of us. You killed ikizim.

And yes, 5 years later I still feel the knife.

I realized when I left
that meant I was going to be alone
for awhile
for years maybe
that it would be challenging to find someone who could put up with me
love me for all my many quirks and sarcastic comments
my attitude on my good and bad days
I realized leaving meant many many lonely days
and possibly even lonelier nights
but that it could also mean
many many filled moments of figuring myself out like never before
and maybe, loneliness would teach me a thing or two about loving myself for the very first time
when I have nothing left, I will have Me