Before I first opened my eyes
Even before we had our first breath
You have always suffered
You have always felt his wrath.
He was supposed to protect you, us
He was supposed to love you, us
But he's as irresponsible as a child.
Painful truth, a true curse
So long as he exist,
So long as he breaths,
The circle continues.

I'm the last line of defense,
I'm the last one left to protect you.
But I also have suffered enough,
But I can't be weak, I cannot turn back.
Because It is my greatest duty;
My solemn oath to you,
I promised to always protect you.

Though, I cannot erase the fact...
I'm really... really tired.
I want to take a break from him.
I wish to get far from him, really far.
My siblings left you, me...alone.
I am just a child, I've held my ground;
I've held my ground till I'm finally broken.

Why do I have to be traumatized by him?
Why did we deserved all this?
What did I do to deserve this?
When will this ever end...
Because I'm really tired...
To protect you , all alone...
To face him all by myself...

I saw all of those empty cigarette boxes in the back of your car.
And I felt disappointment, yes, but that wasn’t all.
I also felt like you were slipping through my fingers.
Like I wasn’t holding on to you tight enough.
Like you were submitting yourself to an endless doom, that one day would end you,
And I just couldn’t stop you.
You were fading with every light up.
You said you stopped, and I believed you.
But then things went wrong.
I wasn’t there to hold on to you.
I wasn’t there to help you calm down.
It took me a while to see them again,
But eventually your hiding tactics failed.
They got flimsy and careless.
And all I can think about now
Is how one day I’ll be looking at the proof.
One day you’ll be lying in hospital bed
Living as lifeless as you’ve always looked.

day by day enduring mental and physical pain
what does it feel like to lose yourself?
what does it feel like to lose your mind?
feeling breathless and not able to think straight
hyperventilate and feeling pain in your chest
your heart starts to feel pain as well
worried that you won't be able to carry on
even for days to come

From the moment
You came to talk,
My hands perched upon my waist
And they refused to move,

The air became denser,
Stifled my breathing,
The universe narrowed.
Some moments swell in time.

Thoughts that lay on the ground
All jumped up at once,
Flew to the eye of the needle
And all tried at once to fit through.

Eyes flutter,
Looked to glitter
With the light dispersed,
Magic burst.

I can barely move.

My words are dumb!
They aren't clever,
Not chosen,
Words that constitute a conversation.

My chest,
Frozen in time.
I do my best
To untense.

The man of apathy!
Conscious of every second,
Every eye flicker,
My arms of cement.

I must blush!
She must know,
I try to hard to settle
And not show

That the flaking debris
Of my faded countenance
All rallies,
Pretends to be a person.

But it hasn't adopted
That mould in a long time.
The picture is fragmented
And it takes a lot to stay together...

Just so she won't see
The running colours
Inside of me.
I am sorry there isn't more.

Vielleicht steiger,
Steigere ich mich da rein.
Aber lieber steige ich irgendwo
ein.

Als ständig draussen zu stehn,
Immer nur zu, zusehn
Niemals nach meinem Gefühl
zu gehn.

Also komm mit her zu mir,
Weit weg, fern von dir,
Deinen Ängsten, dem jetzt
und hier.

New thoughts
Invading my mind
Help me
This is not what i would usually find:

Sick and twisted
Blood and gore
Things that i've never,
Ever thought before.

"You can't have slaughter without laughter!"
"What's a funeral without a bit of fun?!"

Stop it
I'm scared
Please
GET OUT OF MY HEAD