Even in laughter,
With the brightest smile on display
We only see what's on face;
But at the end of joy-
A heart carries grief,
Listen carefully to hear it's breaks.

Even in accomplishment,
When all cheer on one's success
We only see their gains;
But at the end of fulfilment-
A hand once carried emptiness,
Hold carefully to feel it's regrets.

Laugh, as those around laugh with you;
Smile, as others put a smile on display
Show face, as all others want to be seen;
  But those who shared in your joy-
Are not always equal in all your griefs.

Accomplish, as all feel accomplished with you;
Succeed, and all would want your success
Show gains, as all others want to obtain;
  But those who praise your fullness-
May hold nothing to your emptiness & regrets.

   Leave their, such simple ways,
   Place a footing on all wisdom;
   And walk in the way of insight.

I feel that this very heavy weight of wisdom
and knowledge
has been laid upon my shoulders,
most of which
I can't share with anyone.

I try to carry it with Grace
and every day
I fight the feelings
of inadequacy
and the failure
of not living up to it.

I work so hard
to be my best self
and receiving respect
and kindness
from the people
closest to me
makes me feel like maybe I'm actually becoming
a better person.

Without it
there's really no reason
for me to even be here.

Mist chose to linger a while,
though mild air belied October.

Overwhelmed by birdsong,
loud against the abstract silence
of these adolescent sentinels,
stood like arboretum trees
filled with the gravitas
of no age, no age at all.

The year passed as always
with them growing taller,
bolder, a little more aware
of wisdom’s cost
and the one they lost.

The earth ponders,
'I feel, a thousand deaths on my body,
no more flowers left to bloom,
no more harvest to reap,
tears have become irony'.
The sky touches the face of the blue earth and whispers,
'I am so yours'.
The earth wonders,
'How could that be.
You are boundless.
You have so starries jewels in your treasure,
stars, suns and moons,  
and I, I am little, I have no light'.
And the sky replies,
'Haven't you noticed?
Your ***** is as green
and your heart glisterning in trampled darkness'.

Knight of the night
Fearfully incising the hearts
Of those you pass
With pasts
Of unreliable mothers
Fathers
And caregivers

Knight of the night
I try to look
At your presence
As a gift
But in the midst
Of your silken touch
And unsuspecting kisses
Pressing heavier
You've made your impact

Knight of the night
I wonder of your return
Do you feel shame
In your silence
Of naming this sweetness
A forbidden fruit

It will not swallow you,
I promise
I will not let it
For if there is a day
You feel you cannot leave
I will lead you to the garden
And leave you there
So you can grow

Someday I will return
To enjoy the fruits
Of which we loved and labored
Abundant

These,
Gifts of two worlds
Please, realize
You need not be chained

Gifts
Of our worlds
Are to be celebrated
Unshackled
From self-imposed narratives
Free

9/23/21

Polarities
Possessing the mind
Stealing possibilities
If I am This
Then there is bound to be That

A perfectionist
Will find their enemy
In one who makes mountains
Out of molehills
And therefore renders themselves
Incapable

A person bound to their suffering
Suffers further
When they see others in their joy

A dislike of one thing
Pulls toward it one
Who likes that same thing
Ātman
Feeds on opposition

To free oneself
Starts from within
Diving into the divine
That which is limitless

Freedom is here
Connection
Is always an option
So long as one recognizes
Their own mortal, mental positions
And instead lends their mind
To curiosity

Here,
Love triumphs
And we all ascend.

Fear
Curiosity
Which path shall I take
Opportunity endless

First step
Awareness
Body tirelessly communicates
Will I listen?

Two
Listen
What messages does it relay?
How do the past and present inform them?

Three
Decide
Which benefits me?
The bigger, timeless Me

There is hope in understanding
My neurology
and engaging joyfully
in its plasticity

Tryin’ to figure this thing out
Heart flying
Straight up leaving behind
This mind of mine
Why are we moving
And to where
Why now
Why am I so detached
From the then and the now

To be alone is desired
A sense of inner peace
And yet I couldn’t even tell you
What that means

Seeking reasons for beliefs
Supreme beings to believe in me
Some chains to bind
So I can escape and say I’m free

Clinging to the cleaning
Of inner space
Restless
Endless torment
When faced with rejection
Of expectations
Innocent sentiments
Soon cemented
Into views of how the earth
Should be

Move me, stream
Fill my lungs if you must
But I hope that I may be present
So that I can open up
Done with the dissociation
Futile, now
What once saved me as a child

I’m alive
I am here
There is so much to be done
Not to neglect portals
to Being
the Way and One

The word “Emergency”
in the acronym ER
sure brings about raw emotion
and pressed awareness

You are further removed, now
both in mental and physical states
The doctor was worried
What comes next?

My mind glosses over possibilities
Too much trauma undertaken
A mask to extract?
Or crisis, true?

What if the end is near?
Rarely do we see it coming
The tears of loss and relief
are all the same to gravity

I’d think of the greatness
you could’ve become
Biting my tongue, speaking instead of
the lives you did touch

Life is fleeting
Worrying offers illusory action
Gratitude is infinite
Connection holds the key