I spoke with two people at the party Saturday.
A young police officer, short-haired, fit,
chiseled face who had two young children.
He felt constrained by the law, without discretion
to question mopes (perps) aggressively
or to let go those who were obviously no threat.
Even at a family function he seemed straight-backed, correct,
devoted to his role as our protector (and his children’s)
yet I thought perhaps too deeply in debt, indentured
to the rules and laws of legislators and destined
to be disappointed (or worse). I thought his courage
and devotion (to whom or what?) would surely
be poorly repaid and that this lesson
was necessary to ready him with wisdom
for death or further living. I worried like a brother
about the unpredictable dangers, even terrors,
he must daily face, and the pleasure he takes in facing them.
How will he return to the fragility of family,
of the soul alone, after wielding the force
of the state, the blind, combined will of us all?

Next a business exec, retired from a well known
global investment firm. At first we talked about
the lush beauty of the northeast compared to the arid west
(although he loves every inch of the west, too).
Then somehow we got beyond light conversation
when he complained about the perceived decline in values
for instance how the Ten Commandments can’t be publicly
displayed. He said we can all agree on God
but I said I have a mechanistic view of the universe
(although the unknowable always sits just out of reach
of the known). I told him my dad’s theory of reincarnation,
a good man and a corporate seeker of God also, whose shoes
I could never fill unless I swore belief in a supreme being.
No hard feelings. Then he told me the story
of his dying friend, an atheist, not even a deist
like the founding fathers, who opened his eyes for the last time
to correct the exec’s misperception that now he’d meet his maker.
Having exceeded the bounds of acceptable conversation
I went looking for my children. Nothing more to question.

He closes eyes,so wise ,so bright
Ignoring facts that shine like light
Why learn and grow?That's way too hard
Better to stay forever barred.

He builds his walls with pride and grace,
A shining king of empty space.
Oh,what a gift,he freely admits
He's trapped inside the tragedy of limits.

The shaman welcomes

the spirits, their wisdom is --


sweating from his pores.

Feeling the quiet rise
Of true essence,
Silent power, steady and pure.

Splashing consciousness on my mind
It calms the soul,
And stirs the darkness within
To be seen, not feared.

I see the endings in their birth,
The wilt curled in the bloom,
The echo in the first soft word
That hums of pending gloom.

Yet on I go, with knowing steps,
Down paths that twist and burn
Not for hope, nor fate, nor faith,
But just to feel the turn.

It’s not some tragic grandeur,
No noble, aching art
Just a quiet urge to prove myself
The fool I knew at start.

You've got a warm heart, a beautiful brain, but it's disintegrating.

You start in this world as a naive person, as you get older, you get wiser, some more than others, people had to grow too fast, people didn't have to grow at all, some grew just right.

I unfortunately am the more wise, which is a blessing and hurtful curse, I can't read people's minds, but I can see why they did what they did, I've always been able to.

I do envy the others who didn't have to grow up like me, with their picture-perfect families, high awards for just existing, it all seems cruel for a 15-year-old to go through so much.

But it's a gift more than a curse since now I am vigilant, I've missed pellets of bullets coming for my armour, you learn after the first gunshot, but learn more when they come, you update your walls and go back to normal, or collapse altogether.

I'm strong but I'm also weak, I'm kind but also rude, you have to do that in this world, nobody is that strong, not even me, and I cant tell if that's a gift or sacrilege, but since my present is in my brain, I cant wrap it back up and pretend it never happened.

Once you learn something like wisdom, there is never going back, your heart cools down a little, and your brain starts to grow dandelions, charming, but just weeds in the end, weeds of regret for how I've acted so far.

Wisdom is a beauty and a curse; use it wisely.