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Ooolywoo Jan 2019
Whenever you lay in bed i imagine wrapping the sun around me like a blanket
Keeping my thoughts and feelings warm, shiny like the sunrays
I’m not allowed to speak
Because when i do all you could feel is the unbearable heat from my words burning inside you
You carry me like i’m sitting on your chest and choking you
A single word whispered
The lightbulb inside flickers
Crystallizing the concrete making you panic
So you’d rather shut me out and leave me beating
You tell me i should not be weak
I tell you who you are is depending exactly on where i stand
Arguing with me is your forte
Agreeing with me your dismay
Yet i assure myself that one day you’ll let me lighten this load on your chest
One day i’ll beat to the rhythm of a kiss
I feel empty living behind this castle
Blocking every arrow that comes my way
You wake up the fear in me
Thinking that i am undeserving of love
You reason with my feelings and clear them out with words in your head
You think love is a stain on my plate
And your thoughts the dishwasher
Break the walls and let me be free of anger
Fear is part of me
So is strength, faith and hope
Pain comes but eventually goes away
Love is my foundation therefore who i am
I feed from love
And i beat because of love
Love of air in your lungs
Love of life
Love of God
Love of love
if you could just see what a heart in love could heal
Am i scared to love, to be vulnerable?
Is love supposed to be scary?
Penne Jan 2019
Peeling off my layers
In front of you in the naked glazers
No blazers
Oh, anxiety grows in the air
Can I now retreat to my normal flair?
Before I opened bare
My body sheltered in shame
Tasted lame
Ruined a good name
Mind gambling in games
Hands twitch and fidget
Into directions anyone cannot forget
Warmth is not enough
To smoothen the roughs
If I cannot withstand all the melodrama,
Can you be my anesthesia?
Since exists in my head is an everlasting psychedelia
Tiptoeing on shards of firearms
May I weep in your frail arms?
Do it mean harm?
Will my skin not switch into a smoke alarm?
Will I be able to be vulnerable?
Defenseless surrender
Before the wars turn into murders
And not alter to *****
When nowhere left to release the fumes
When to breathe as a chrysanthemum
When I still cannot find an asylum?
Defeating my memoir
In the phase of searching a livewire
Since I lived once in a birdhouse
Where it is already wall-tight and always a full house
I know I am afraid, for no correct steps are laid
Please
I am already a regret
Now, do not fret
Exhibiting my secret is equal to losing to an opponent
Faith to me is blind
Especially when you are not in right mind
Zywa Dec 2018
Along the Lost Cost Quay
the cargo ships are almost drowning
while we party

in Oslo and Ghent, you dance
sparks from the floor, you dance
the delicate velvet petals

up, let them float
and return to the flower
Your shirt falls open

just enough to wish
for more, for no reason
just to experience

the lovely wonder of feeling
what I feel, myself, as if
your beauty is ******* me
Kyakura, the returned flower

Cafés "Oslo" and "Ghent" at the Kostverlorenkade ("Lost Cost Quay") in Amsterdam

Collection "The Big Secret"
Em MacKenzie Dec 2018
Rest the sterile smile plastered falsely on your face,
eyes set to the mile while mind is not in place,
place self on cruise control and be astonished by a crash,
anything to leave the hole that is filling up with trash.

A landmark embodiment of mundane reality,
I built an essential pyramid but not of food groups or of needs.
It resembled a tomb, but one far too good for me,
but I ensured that it suffocated all potential seeds.
I blame myself and my own hands
for whatever I unintentionally create,
but lacking blue prints or floor plans,
it’s impossible to have a clean slate.

Erase the transparent barriers that line all the small talk,
they say “the more, the merrier” but it’s getting hard to walk.
Greeting sad dark skies when I sleep and when I wake,
so I’m rubbing my eyes hoping it might give perception a shake.

Anonymously me,
it’s clear and everyone can see,
neutral yet so angry,
is there anyway else to be?

A landmark embodiment of mundane reality,
I built an essential pyramid but not of food groups or of needs.
It’s still magnetic North, but it’s South I wish to see,
as downwards is my destination due to my deeds.
I shame myself and my own hands
for whatever I unintentionally create,
and when you’re covered up in brands,
it’s impossible to have a clean slate.

You asked me to write how I feel,
or atleast my every single thought,
so my fingernails made my skin peel
and my organs were exposed with rot.
My flesh lost all it’s remaining elasticity,
but true to form it provided struggle and I had to pull,
and imagine you had the audacity
to tell me my decomposition was still beautiful.

Atleast I can thank you for that moment,
admittedly it came extremely late,
no matter the present, I’ve already blown it,
you know it’s impossible to have a clean slate.
Kat Dec 2018
You talk to me from across the room, you,
with this face that I want to photograph:
the moment you fall back into yourself, retreat,
your lips still smiling
shy and sweet and all too **** fooling.
Ah, you’re glad it’s over. I know because we’ve been here before in August, lost in this wild-west desert,
Buckle up, cowboy, we’re going to Paris. Texas.

December. It’s getting cold outside.
You need to leave, walk home in the snow,
back to the love that has turned memories into life, the place
you were hurt into being.
My dearest friend and lover.
I see you,
in tenderness and humanity.
I see you.
You will know
how to live with a heart this vulnerable.
You will see where the river flows,
where it is very still and very gentle.
It will be beautiful.
For M. Love you always.
Sara Bullara Dec 2018
Regret

I still feel the regret lingering in my chest
I should have gone
Why didn’t I go?
I remember the early morning contemplation.. to go or not to go?
It was dark
It was cold
I justified getting back under the covers, but I didn’t sleep
Shame
I should have gone
But then
As I write I realize
The decision was with unforeseen purpose
For without it
I wouldn’t have been put into this position
To learn to forgive myself

Forgiveness
Caloris Dec 2018
Dignity is my blinding shield,
Biting cold my breast plate,
Melancholy my urge,
Yet loyalty my oath.
- I guard this world.

Mortality shrouds my vulnerable skin,
Warm is my greeting heart
And shining hope my star,
Yet humbleness my bread.
- I welcome you in my world.
Mind the cherub.
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