A gale
stripped all the leaves from the trees last night
except from one leaf
left
to sway solo on a naked branch.

With this example
Violence demonstrates
that yes of course -
it likes its little joke from time to time.

Wislawa Szymborska from *Here New Poems

I sat in the back of the bus,
And I knew every day he would come
With some new joke for us
Some quip about how dumb we were
I can still hear the laughter

And if I raised my hand
It would be twisted and turned
Until my eyes burned and
The pain was returned
Two fold, and my heart was scorching hot and freezing cold.

Too hot to be silent too cold to move
And one day I proved
Enough was enough
And beat him until he cried
Until my rage was satisfied
And his was forced to subside to fear

Now he sits in the back of the bus
And he knows every day I will come
With some new joke
To poke the wounds I made
That he gave me
Of which neither of us will ever be free

If only I'd said sorry.

the sky was the bluest it has ever been this morning
and it puzzled me how the temperature raised from 18 to 30 overnight

i turned in bed, as always you were drooling on your pillow
and i stretched my arms, it was green and purple and yellow

i always knew you were funny, had me laughing since the first day
you always had a punch line,
last night the punch line was my face

your audience was my body, your stage was this bed
your applause were my tears and this is what you said

"i love you but you're too sensitive. stop crying," you said
while your knees were on my shoulders, a pillow over my head

"you hurt me. you ******* hurt me," you said
as you spat on my face, said you wish i was dead

i always knew you were strong, with arms that made me feel safe
last night i discovered what it meant to be *****

You like to talk big when you got barrels of luck,
But the moment you’re in a cop shop your trap is stuck
So here I stand, I stand in front of you, this been a long time coming
If the effect we have is a marathon I spent a long time running

Ever since year 9 when you bullied me for my teeth
But now that I got braces you got nothing against me
All you can do is show off, calling “******”
When you ain’t with your mates where’s your confidence, maggot?

I’ve had it; up to here and this is all that’s left
The better man won in terms of intention, life’s a test
And it breath tested you and decided you’re *******
Because you picked on the wrong guy and there’s nothing left to prove

So step up or step off, confess to sin
You may as well because I remember everything!
Something you gotta know is to know your enemy
You don’t know what I’m capable of, or what I got happening

So you never even bothered to think of a strategy
You got caught, you lost, it’s going down rapidly
And it’s only a matter of time before they get you in for life
Because there’s pleasure in the knife but nowhere left to hide

Send your boys after me, they’ll end up with you
It would be an understatement to say this is rude
I hate this entire thing, I did this because you tried
To pressure me into letting him off, and now you lied

Just to save your *** but witness statements
Are the one thing to condemn the case, admit defeat just face it
With you and all your “violence” and I barely lifted a finger
Funny how safety works, hopefully this lesson lingers

You are an aggressive drunk.
I forgive you, over and over again.
I make excuses for you over and over again.
I’m still here.

When it comes to this, to alcohol,
You do not care and do not have an ounce of self control.
You’re given an inch and take several miles.
It's pathetic.

It’s a turn off.
The BIGGEST turn off.
You promised to keep me safe.
This doesn't feel ******* safe.


Is this the abusive marriage were preparing for?
It this the type of husband you’ll be?
Is this the type of father you’ll be?
Did I settle?

Falling in love with the thought of falling in love
And falling into mistrust embodied in blue eyes
And a cheap smile.

My gullible self told you to take care cause not a lot of people had been here,
In this place in my heart and you held me close,
...I trusted you.

All of it.
Stupid girl.

I lost all of my angels for your phantom.
If I let you go I’ll be alone.

But I’m already alone when I’m here.
With you.