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Doy A Feb 14
done with the violence
done with the pain
done with the same shame
over and
over and over

done with the accusations
and the suspicions
done with the same lies
in different forms
and messed up versions

today you said you're sorry
you said you love me
you always will
but who knew a love like this
could somehow ****
the passion
the trust
the ways that I
thought I knew you
were loving me the same way
I did
with my whole heart and
my whole life

my whole life
is unrecognisable and I
can barely tell which truth to believe in
because how can you ever deceive
someone who stopped their heart beating
for you
how can you destroy someone who
took you in their arms and
went ahead and said,
"stay here, you belong in the home
inside my heart
I built only for you."

done with late night crying
finding myself imagining dying
as a way out, an escape
done with blaming you or me
for the choices I keep on making
done punishing
myself for the mistakes
that you made
because I made the same mistakes too
as if the path to forgiveness is repeating
the ways we've hurt each other hoping
it will just stop to hurt
at some point

it's like you and I
Or mostly I
have to tiptoe around landmines
Afraid I'll discover more crimes
afraid I'll be in the wrong place at the wrong time and
careful I don't set off the time bomb
that is called Our Relationship

when heartbroken poets make metaphors
about wounds and battle scars
I wonder where mine are
because I've been through this same war
fought it and won it and lost it
for years and years on repeat
and yet I have no marks to prove it
so maybe not every victory is a celebration
and not every survival is the ending of the story
and not every abuse leaves a bruise
and here I am still writing
wondering about my own story's ending
Doy A Dec 2018
when darkness comes and i can not sleep
my mind lingers
and brings me to
only you
always you
Doy A Dec 2018
how can i find the closure i so desperately seek
when the only answers i need
are buried 6 feet under

how can i utter
the apologies i never said
when the person I've wronged
is no longer living

how do i move on
from memories that haunt me
when the reason I'm still breathing
is because the same person once told me

"Look at the silver lining, ******. You'll be okay."
i will never forget you
  Dec 2017 Doy A
Star BG
Words words words
like little droplets
fall from mind.

They tickle senses
awakening visions.

They travel from Mind to Breath,
Breath to Hand
Hand to Pen.

They fall
making puddle of verse
for reader to splash in
as water proof ink drifts in wind.

Words need no umbrella,
for their cool coat of moisture
empowers the scribe.

And brings a rainbow of beauty
for all to see.
Inspired by Doy Thanks
Doy A Dec 2017
take my anger
take my anxiety
take my insecurity
take what you will
take what you don't understand
and believe that you have saved me
from these demons that haunt me
believe that i will always need saving
that i will always be a victim
and when I smile, tell me that I'm faking it
or when I laugh, tell the world I must be losing it
take all my emotions against me
i was needy when i needed you
i was selfish when i didn't
so come on,
take this hurricane of emotions
take this.
Doy A Aug 2017
she's narrating the way
she's falling apart
with every word
they call her art

she called for help
they called it
can anyone ever separate

so she smiled instead
she was pretty instead
there was color instead
she was alive instead

they pat her back
well done
good work
relatable content

meanwhile she
is actively dismissing
the intent
to pack up and go
to quit and say no
to end it and skip it and leave it
so she penned it
posted it and shared it

if the only way
to break away
is this creative escape
she'll take it
any day she'll fake it
just to find a reason to make it
Doy A Jul 2017
the sky was the bluest it has ever been this morning
and it puzzled me how the temperature raised from 18 to 30 overnight

i turned in bed, as always you were drooling on your pillow
and i stretched my arms, it was green and purple and yellow

i always knew you were funny, had me laughing since the first day
you always had a punch line,
last night the punch line was my face

your audience was my body, your stage was this bed
your applause were my tears and this is what you said

"i love you but you're too sensitive. stop crying," you said
while your knees were on my shoulders, a pillow over my head

"you hurt me. you ******* hurt me," you said
as you spat on my face, said you wish i was dead

i always knew you were strong, with arms that made me feel safe
last night i discovered what it meant to be *****
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