A cold abrasion
Numbing as quickly
As the words outpouring
Making raw a mind
Knowing no different
Than to accept
And try to live with
The disappointment
Of oneself.

Havoc raining as a wave
Twice as tall
Allowing no escape
But to watch
As the trauma unfolds
And the words
Spoken out of hate
Branded on my brain
As a reminder
Of being unworthy.

A blank canvas
Unknowing
To the wide staring eyes
Bruised beneath
The blank canvas veil
That is the shell
Of skin,
More alien on this body
The more photo albums
A mind fills with memories.

Could I really be
The monster
Of which
She speaks?

Deleting
Is the only option
To escape the toil
Of counting fingers
And reading
Truths and falsehoods
To conclude
Innocence or guilt
In my adolescence.

Silence is a grave
That one finds comfort in
When these walls
Are so used to ringing ears
From the storm
That only lasts seconds
But lingers
In the gilded silence
As the mind speaks
Above the bloodflow
When all one can do
Is plug ears
With fingertips
In order to live with oneself

Retaliation lies beneath
The bleeding
Now only visible
If friends are let close
To see
As the heart
Tears threads
That have been sewn
To restrict emotion
Loosening the seal
On the demon cradled within

A furnace
Are thrown the old photo albums
But in turn are the recents
As a block in the mind
Has been created
To forget
Because nothing is worth remembering
During a childhood
Of only knowing
The names
And the fear
Of what you are,
And after such a block has been made
Remembrance
Is no longer
A thread
Sewn in
To allow an escape.

Keep quiet
Don't make a sound
Waking the monster is a bad idea
That come's with a painful end
Two soulless eyes stare up at you
A shell of a being
It's a body filled with hatred
For its mistakes and your happiness
It takes it from you when you least expect it
During a movie, or playing a game
You'll be fine one moment
Just living life
But then you speak too loud
Move too fast
And wake the monster within

Anger sizzles, popping like grease
little legs tremble, small and weak
Volumn so high, ears abused
dying inside from the words that were used
So much disappointment, head is buzzing
please, oh please, won't you just love me
Nightmares awake, they bruise, they bleed
ungrateful for all that's been given to me
"Dry those tears, stop that whining,
only babies do all that crying"
Echoes repeating, useless, stupid
clumsy, ungrateful, all I touch gets ruined
I know that I'm a burden, a mistake
Mama told me every single day

I beg you

reach out your tongue

and caress me with your words.

Soothe me with your hum.

I want to be enfolded in

the licks of

your love.

 

But your tongue sits

heavy in your mouth

stuck between

contempt and

apathy.

 

Only ever touching me with

it's brutal lashing.

I wish I didn't love

the sight of blood.

Confined to the walls of my room
Bandana around my neck
I try to remember the good things in life
I want to stay out of my own head
Nothing in life is free
Not even the air we breathe
It's tainted with diseases
But we breathe anyway
We endure the screams of alcoholic fathers
We cry ourselves to sleep at night
We convince ourselves that we're alright
And never seek help from others

We are the broken ones
We endure our pain and suffering
We remember the things worth remembering

We are the depressed ones
We see knives as toys
We don't know the difference between light and dark

We are hurt, and some of us can't be saved

i've seen you    a   d
                       r       n
                         o  u
staring me d
                 o
                w
                n
talking ****  b e h i n d  my back
about  e v e r y t h i n g  i lack  
after all youve d o n e    
some might s   a   y youve w   o   n
                                    p        
even though i g a v e u

The day you left us
Was the day I lost my mother
I am told to have faith
But you let him in

To have faith in you
Would be to have faith in him
& I can’t take a leap of faith
Off a bridge that’s been burned a long time ago

when you get mad,
angry,
furious,
i know it's because you want to prepare me
you want me to be ready for the real world
you want me to grow up
and be your perfection

oh, i'll be ready,
but not for the reasons you think
i'll be ready
because no one
could ever hurt me more than you have
and i could never hate
anything more than what you've said to me

Why do we treat each other this way?
Feels like our words are only a chain . . .

Sister-chained
            why do you
treat me this way?

Sister-chained
            How do I
get you to change?

Sister-chained
            why oh why?
Oh why, even today,
            I'm sister-chained?

Noth-ing but pain,
Born to be sisters except for this pain,
That pain, the words, pain it remains. . .

Sister-chained
conflict between us al-ways remains,
conflict between us remains.

Sister-chained
            unchain your hearts for love.
Oh woe,

Sister-chained
            How do I
get you to change?            
unchain your hearts for love.
Oh woe,


Oh woe. . .