I cannot keep anything for myself

I cannot keep you for myself
As you are not mine to begin with

And I have to let you go
Like water streaming through cupped hands

Hoping you find happiness with someone else
Hoping you smile more with her

As I cannot give you what you want
I cannot love you as much as I want to

Because I have responsibilities
And you deserve more than what I can offer

And I can offer nothing but myself

I portray myself as a perfect friend
Though it hurts to keep it inside

I lift up my chin and smile so pleasant
My fingers tremble at my side

Change of plans in dozen
I don't want to lock you away

So I watch you walk with her
As I stroll a little bit behind

Out of sight and out of mind

You are there
Like an ache
In my bones
You are there
Like a heaviness
In my heart
You are there
Like a fixture
In my mind
You are everywhere
In the way I dress
And walk
And talk
And think
You are everywhere
Except in my arms

-jt

And I start this decade
Loving someone

Knowing I will face
The inevitable heartbreak
Later on

And they told me
Not to stay away

But I can't help it
My heart hurts
When I think of you

Reciprocated, your love for Dave.
Unrequited, my love for you.
If only you had chosen me,
you wouldn't be pouring rain
through those veins
to your innocent heart
and I wouldn't be here,
on this barren land where
these woeful, wretched, wilted roses
are yearning for a drop of water.
Baby, even if I traded my soul,
would I ever be enough for you
for I wasn't your drug,
and your drug didn't seem to love you
the way you loved him.

If only you had taken a chance with me,
even for a second, baby,
I would have taken you
to where you belonged;
heaven, my Aphrodite. 
The yellow hues would have welcomed you
and I wouldn't have felt the seasons transmute so painfully
if only,
if only,
if only you said yes to heaven
and no to him.

I am dancing on my own,
watching you from afar
to this melody my heart created
that is screaming
till death do me apart.
And there you are
scented with cigars,
high on Dave, your ******,
yet,
you apologize to him
for a million times
for not being able to be his voodoo doll.

Darling, I am sorry but
I need an end to this undying love
even if loving you was the sanest thing I did.
I am sorry, baby,
but I am turning out these lights
and plucking out the days from your garden
and refilling it with the nights
so I could be Dave even if it's for a split second.
You know, I know,
that I am wrong
but all I need is a chance to proof my
insanity from this anonymity.
I will love you forever,
I will love you forever
but not as much as Icarus loved the sun,
wings melted, falling.
But, I love you.