Here I lay, alone at night,
Anxiety high, fear takes flight.
Perhaps I’m broken, beyond repair,
Alone with feelings I cannot share.
You’re at home, wrapped in peace,
While I’m trapped where my thoughts won’t cease.
Am I enough? Why not me?
Am I unworthy of love, truly?
What’s so wrong that I can’t let go,
Around in circles my mind will go.
Here I sit, alone once more,
TV humming, light faint and poor.
Maybe tonight I’ll drown it out,
But doubt creeps in, circling about.
Hour after hour, the ache won’t wane,
Devoured by this endless pain.
I’m not enough, I’m overweight,
I’m stupid, worthless, it’s all my fate.
Alone—I was made for this solitude,
Yet I didn’t have to be, if it weren’t for you.
While you sleep soundly, your heart at ease,
I’m here fighting the storm I can’t appease.
You’ll text in the morning, as if nothing’s wrong,
“How was your sleep?” as the night feels so long.
“I can’t yet,” you say, “It’s not the right time.”
“I love you, you’re mine,” yet doubt still climbs.
These words you speak, they circle my brain,
Leading me deeper into this darkened terrain.
When I’ll emerge, I cannot say,
The weight of your love leads me astray.
I love you, too, but I’m left to wonder—
Do you truly love me, or am I just under
The spell of your words, the hope I create,
When all I feel is this lingering ache?
If you did, wouldn’t you be here now?
Wouldn’t you find a way, somehow?
I know you have obligations, I get it—I do,
But doesn’t love find a way to push through?
You say she needs you—fine, I can see,
But why must it always be her, never me?
You say you don’t love her, so make it clear,
If that’s the truth, then why aren’t you near?
“It’s not finances, not her, not you,”
Then my mind concludes—it’s just me, isn’t it true?
So tell me now, set me free,
From this deep dark spiral of uncertainty.
