10 years of drawing
9 years of being friends
8 years of being bullied
7 years of being bullied by you
6 years of guilt
5 years of trying to fit in
4 years of writing poetry
3 years of letting you manipulate me
2 years of knowing something was wrong with our friendship
1 year of trying to tell you
0 years of freedom

I'm staring at my ceiling
Overwhelmed with feeling
I know you'll text me tomorrow
And I'll respond
We'll talk far too long

Is it talking so long that makes it wrong?
Or is it how much it feels right?

what have you done to me?
how have you consumed me once again?
𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗲?
what is this spell you cast to keep me at your mercy?
₩Ⱨ₳₮ Ⱨ₳VɆ ɎØɄ ĐØ₦Ɇ ₮Ø ₥Ɇ?
a puppet on a string as i worship at your shrine

w̷̡̖͍̭̗͚̠͍͍̑̄̿͂́̽͐͠h̶̺̓a̶̳͕̙̘̙̼̯͑̆t̴̯͈͓͎͓̅̑̿͑͑̉͜͝ ̷̣̙̓̈̈́͋̒͛̀h̷̥̣̟̭̹͕̫̱͈͗́̿͒̉̈́̕ȃ̴̱̬̣̱̼̩ṽ̷̩̔̓̂͐́̌͑͆̈́e̴̗̅̄̀͠ ̵̛̦̠̤̍͆̒̀̚ỷ̵͖̪͓͕̃̒̑̈́̉̈̀̓͝ở̴͇̟̲̤͕̮̗̎́̿̌̚u̴̢̪̻̪̯̘̮̻̝͔̓̉̓̂̈͠ ̴͖̞̘̞̔̇̈́̐̍̍̿͘͠ͅd̶̥̯̍̎o̸̡͚̠̺̓̓̽̏̈́͐͜ǹ̸͈͉͚͍̣̟̯̱̣́e̶͇̯̼̘̞̱̔̓̇̓͛̂̓̐ ̶̡̰̺͔͚̺͍̞̱̿̽͗́́̏͛͐̚͠t̴̮̲͍̝̹̭̺͈͛͌̂͑̏̀̆͛o̸̬̮̼̫̱̫̪̺͊ ̶̢̧̙͖̟̠̯̼͑̔̐̂̑͛̔ͅm̶̧̟̜͓͚̣̪͙̺̾͌e̷̢͍̰͙̬̜̎͑̏̎̆̅͂?̸̢̜͉͖̺̆͛̓̏́̅̈́͝

b̵̕­̳̓̿͐̓͊͛r̶͚͙͈͊͋̕͜e̵̥̜͓̘̞̊̈́̍͐̅̍̕ͅͅa̶̛̩̮̗͋̀̊́̄͑̽̈k̷̛͉̟̣͔̥̟͇̈ ̸̹̥̪̆͗̑͋͝m̶̲̀́͋̂͑̕e̷̟͍̺͖̙̺͇̐̐̈̊̎͆̚͜ ̶͇̠͕̠̌̊̏̅̿̐̃́͠ö̴̧̜̺̩̲́́̕͜f̸̱̙͚͉̣̣̘̮͇͌̾́ ̷̱̞͔̈́t̵̢̧̟̺͍̤̤̯̙͓́̀̀̏̀̔ḩ̶̧̢̖̱̜͙̪̪̈̅́̋̈̆̍̎e̵̼͒̾̆s̷̝͚͍͔̊̎̈́͜e̴͂̿̒̇͝­͎̬̥̦͓̰͆̏͊ ̶̨̘̔̀ç̵̺͈͉̱̦̘͈͑͆͜h̴̻̞̜̼͚̭̯͋͊͐̓͂͂̔̓̂̚ȧ̸͎̍̕͘ȋ̴̗̭͍̫̗̻͕̞̪n̴͈͜͜͝s̴͛­̛͓̞͉̜̐̈̓ ̷͙͚̘̥̓̆̀̐̆̍y̶̝̣̮̫͙̹̗̥͔̓̋̒̎̿͛̕͘ͅo̸̧̘̟̜͚̥̻͒͛̈͑̾̋̓̈́ú̷̻̟͕̜͎̹̜͂̋̽̌͛͝ ̷̜̥̼̪̭̗̈́̑̃͜͝ă̶̲͈͉͖̟̯̘͐̏̒͐͠b̴̢̮̠͎̺͙̤̉̾̋́̓̓̃͜͠a̶͔̘̋̓́͑̅͒͂̄͘n̸̡̠̤̄̉­̰̗̺̥͓d̸̛̤̰̲̹͙̲͈̈́̿͑̓̈͂̒͘̕ͅő̶̱̕n̵͔̝͉̪̦̳͈͓̾͐͆̆̃͠ͅę̴̛͈̮̪̇̊̆͌́̿̆͠ď̵­̼̤̰͕̠̩̝̱̝̆͌́́͑ ̴̗͍̌̎͆̀͂͛m̴̡͈̼̪̱͙͍͕̉̈́̍͗̅̑̓͘͜͝ͅe̸̛̘͌͋̌̿̃̀͂ ̵̟̰͇͉͓̝͎́́͌͌͊͊͊́̑͘i̸̡̢̠̺̬̘͖̣̲͙͂̏́͆̓͆͠͝n̸̢͍̉̅̀̂͒̋̊̚͝͠
t̶̢͉͔̠̃́̐̕͝͠­̧̲̥̞̫ḩ̸͉̙̖̼̻̮̦͇̽͐͆̕͘e̵̗͍̘̙͔̘͇̺̊̍͋s̴̛̝̦̙̜̲͓̰̹͌͆͂̓̆e̶̖͓̭̯̻̦̊̔̍̋̅͒̒­̞ ̴̨̢̪̬̠̳̓̐̇̏̕͝͝͝t̶̢͇̩̏͒̈͗͂̌͌́͝͝h̸̢̬̆̾͗̑̐̆o̸̧̬̞̥͍͇̥̞̯̾̽ü̵̺͚̑̄̈́͋g̸͝­̨̧̘̹̺̳̣̜͜h̵̖̟̞̠̺̜͗̋̄̋͝t̷̖̻͍̘̍͐̏͆̎s̴̲̰͔̰͂̒͆̃̃̈̿͛̈́̚ͅ ̸̨̢̡͓̻̬̖̑̎̈́̾̄̓͛̂o̵̢̭͎͙̱̙̯̾̓̓̀̊͛̇̈f̵̨̨̣̞͒̚ ̸̛̛̻̲̤̤̻̭̮̥̰̪̑̀̏̍́̄́͂y̶̡̢̖̞̜͍̣͖̭̮͒͋ö̶̹̼͚̇͌̕̕u̵̢̹̙͖͉̱̦̾̿̈́̔͌͋́̔̅̕ͅ­͈̝ ̴̡͉̲̪̻̗͔̒́́́͋͒̄̈́̇a̶̢̢̨͔͇̱̋̓̃̂̌͌̄̋r̴͎͔̃̃͗̅̊͐͂̔͠ȅ̷̡̻̙̹͍͙͔͓̮̉̂͆̐͌̊͠­̨ ̸̨̫̘̜̳̙͎̲͕̬̆́͆͂ś̷̡̼͖̱̳̟̱̿̊o̸͙̒ ̵̢̫̈́l̸̛͖͎͇͖̉̇̋͊̈́̎̈́̂o̵̧̠͇͓͇͔͙̠͒͑̌̅̚̚͘͜ử̸͎͎̯̬̲̃͛͆̃̑̃͘d̵̮͓̣̘͚͔̈́,̴̔­̘̳̻̞ ̸̖̓͆̇̂̀̓̀͐̈͠g̸̢̼̈͛͑̊̀̓͌̓̚͜ͅe̷̠̰͍͈̳͎̘̗̋͂̒ͅt̶̪̻͍̜̲̻̓̚̕̚͝ ̴̡̹̻͕̝͓͗̑̓̎͛̊ͅͅo̸̢̱̹̳̼̻̦̓̾u̸̝̲̹̹̐̀̓̑t̸̨͍̯͉̺̖͔́́ ̴̡̢̻̱͔̈͐̅͠ơ̷̡̟͈̪͈͉͙͒́̅̽̃́͠f̶̹̮̺̪͙̫̙̏͐͝ ̷̳̥̾͐̽m̷̬̦̞͛͒y̷̛̖̺̪͙͇̱̌̍̀͆͐͝ ̷̧̞̖͉̹̓̽͗̎͐̚͠m̷͙̩͉͚̥̼̝͓͖̞̑̅̔̐͑̈́͝i̶̢̫͓͎̠̭̇̉́́͒̾̀͌̅ͅn̴̗̂͗̀d̵̈́͊͑͂̾̌͠­̧̤̣̾̌


ʷʰᵃᵗ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᵈᵒⁿᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵉˀ

What a piece of work is man,
all of our wet viscera
interconnected
like, even spleen and cheek

No more is this clear
than when your kidneys get sick
and send phantasmagoria
to your tired brain bits

All hail antibiotics

If you had diarrhoea
got caught short, took a ****
in that drawer where you keep all your cables
and bits tangled vociferously
then later discovered you needed
a spare micro usb,
so you had no choice
but to roll up your sleeves,
that would be this Monday

you took my hat off and wore it
it looked better on you
you took my shoelaces and
tied them around your wrists like bracelets
i wanted to hold your hands

you showed me your poem
something a little dark, but i liked it
and you always tell me what book you're reading
you tell me to watch your favorite animes
even though it's been years since i've watched anything at all
i watch them all as if they will show me the world through your eyes

i thought i was special but i learned you do that with everyone
you told me a list of her favorite anime characters from memory
you told everyone in ap government the books you were reading

my shoelaces weren't even the only ones you stole
i wish i could stop pretending i mean something to you

i wish i meant something to you

My heart skips a beat every time I see your face
I wonder if you can hear it, as it jumps in place
My chest gets tight and my blood starts to race

If I saw you walking down the street
As quickly as I could I would pick up my feet
I want to catch up, but know to retreat

There are words I hear and things I say
That remind me of you every single day
You helped my life turn to color from gray

Every message I receive on my phone
I hope and I pray that it is you alone
To feel that joy I had once known

I miss you more with every passing moment
You will always be my friend, never my opponent
But it will never be so again, and I know it

I want to climb every step
to the rooftop
of the tallest building
i can find - and shout
"YOU DO NOT DEFINE ME!"

I want to laugh in the face
of the chemicals in my brain
whose job everyday
is to convince me
that i am
unbalanced.

I want to stand tall
and continue living my life
in plain view of the
people who tried
to keep me down.

For every 1 moment that I feel better
There are 15 more where my
hands shake for no reason
or I get so overwhelmed
that I literally force quit
my existence
Forcefully shut off my brain
continue to find peace in the chaos.

I climb the steps to reach the top
to yell from the roof tops
But for every day that passes
2 floors are added to the top

I see blood on the walls.
Tears falling down like rain.
Everyday I think about you even when its part of pain.
3, 2, 1..
I hate you.
I never wanna see you.
You know what, I wish I never met you!
1, 2, 3..
I love you.
I miss you.
Can't wait to see you!
3, 2, 1..
It's happening again isn't it?
I wonder if he loves me?
Will he break my heart?
1, 2, 3
Oh god, not again..
I'm not good enough
I will never love again.