you connected the freckles on my arms with your calligraphy pen like they were constellations and i was the night sky
your hand held my arms still as you inked them and i stopped breathing and started breathing faster at the same time my mind couldn't remind my head not to fall in love and my heart was beating in my arms right under your hand right under your pen
but the illusion shatters when you say, don't worry, i torment gwen like this all the time
and i wish it didn't because ap government is dismal there's too much reality in there and i just want to be wrapped up in the idea of you
but that's not fair so i just stare at the constellations you made of me and wish they meant something as i try to stop getting so dizzy around you
i tell myself it works
i think i need to like... "be in love" as a defence mechanism. which sounds weird, ik. it's probably abandonment issues or smth lol.
anyway, if this ******* keeps making me love her i'm going to break her kneecaps backwards <3
you took my hat off and wore it it looked better on you you took my shoelaces and tied them around your wrists like bracelets i wanted to hold your hands
you showed me your poem something a little dark, but i liked it and you always tell me what book you're reading you tell me to watch your favorite animes even though it's been years since i've watched anything at all i watch them all as if they will show me the world through your eyes
i thought i was special but i learned you do that with everyone you told me a list of her favorite anime characters from memory you told everyone in ap government the books you were reading
my shoelaces weren't even the only ones you stole i wish i could stop pretending i mean something to you
i wish i meant something to you
u can't just give me a beaded ring and expect me not to fall in love with you, *******
i realized in ap government. as you defended your argument with those sharp but elegant hand gestures you do.
you aren't even the most convincing speaker (you talk sososo fast) but i was convinced. i would do whatever you said.
i felt like i was submerged in warm water, everything moving to the rhythm of you. i couldn't even say a word to you for the rest of class; i was so dizzy. my head swirling with imaginary tales of what it would be like to love you.
but i look you in the eyes and the water gets cold. yours are brown, but they look at me just as empty as her blue ones did.
and i don't have another two years to spend loving someone more than they love me.
so i'll sit with you in ap government and get a little dizzy when you talk. i'll pretend it's because i didn't eat lunch.