Trash.

You called my items trash. So what if you find them useless? So what if even they turn out to be useless to me? You still have no right to tell me what of mine is worth it or not.

Are you saying I'm trash?

Am I too wild and crazy for you to deal with?

You see me as nothing but a child, and that burns me, cuts deep, whatever metaphor of pain you want to use in this awful discussion. You look at me and see irresponsibility, but what actually it is, is difference. I am different than you. I know you don't normally have to deal with people who don't think like you do, correction, you don't normally like dealing with people, but you chose to deal with me.

If you can't simply accept me for who I am, as other friends have done before you, then I guess its time for you to go.

I began this blaming myself, kicking myself, for ******* up yet again. Always the ****-up, that Grace. But you know what? I'm getting my **** together the best way I can, and if you don't like how I function, then that *****.

I can't deal with people who can't accept me. Not right now, actually, thinking about it, not ever, really.

I have to be me right now. There is no other way, and if you cannot accept that, then I guess I cannot accept you.

Leave the undesirable and go live elsewhere.

I allow the words to burn through my brain
but I can't seem to light the love letters.
I found your necklace in my drawer,
a metronome swinging to the tears I cried.
And your shirt abandoned on my floor
I can't look but I know exactly what it smells like
Smoke and cologne and you.
The old pink carnations still loyal on my table
It reminds me how you never liked flowers
and the bouquets you picked for me anyway.
Artifacts solid and real,
palpable, physical proof of you and I.
But I want to know
Where do the dreams go
and the memories
What about our kisses
I can feel them in this room
Potent and hypnotizing
and I don't know how to throw that untouchable piece of us away.

The world is a giant trashcan
And I'm a dumpster diver trying to discover anything beautiful and white
And it wouldn't surprise me if I've already found it,
Covered in gum and hair and crumbs in the backseat of a gutted minivan
But I'm so busy judging the books with no cover
That I lost track of my little paper hearts that I used to give with a chocolate taped to the back
And sometimes I stare into this rotted wilderness and ask myself if I've stopped existing
Because the rearview mirrors are so grimy that I can't see my own reflection
And when I can't see if there's lettuce stuck in my teeth, I refrain from smiling just in case
So people stamp me into the category of grumpy, grownup girl
But for all I know,
We are all lost pearls from the necklace of the gods
(but I can't go back looking like this)

one time i woke up alone
and it was cold-
                          -er than ice
the air
held its breath
and my own
suffocated
          as it escaped
          frozen lips

s i l e n t

i woke up with
the inside of my head
and the outside of my heart
        s
           p
        i
           l
              l
           i
         n
          g
                         out
onto the hard cot and
it was like
                          i was screaming

silent w h i t e screams
in my misery

alone.

but then someone came
with a warm blanket
     wrapped it around me
     gave me a warm mug of
     tea
and also

a black
box

so i threw everything away
and the box was
          heavy, but i
             haven't seen it since

       i wrapped myself tighter
       under the blankets
   retreated back
with my
steaming tea
and i couldn't see anyone
      but

i could feel
       His gentle stroke on my cheek
                        as i breathed
                 softly
           back
       to
sleep

So much in life
Unnecessary

We think we need more
when we actually have all

So much in life
Unnecessary

We need to lose
to gain.

we have so much trash.

I keep pacing the shoreline
Waiting for pieces of me
To wash up with debris

Pieces that would still glow
Even though you
Put the embers in my bones

780 tallies
For every time
I feel ship wrecked without you

They say another man's trash
Is someone else's treasure
But you are the only one
Who ever made me feel like a prize

I don't want to be in love with someone who doesn't know I exist
I don't want to be in love with someone who can't love me
*But mostly,
I don't want to be in love with someone who will use me like air, treat me like nothing, and throw me away like trash