Head Full of Nightmares
I knew how to walk directly into the storm now, two years later
I've yet to learn how to become the calm among the chaos
I am the chaos
My nights wither into one
The eternal struggle with oneself
To be soothed or tortured?
I can't have skin on skin contact with you, even when you cradle me like a baby, like our baby, without imagining you on her
I like to be asleep
Its my favourite place again
Even if my nights are full of her voice,
thousands upon thousands of her voices, all on top of each other,
all under your naked body
And somehow I can't stop loving the torture

I see your signature etched in their flesh
a cats tale for each of his lives
tell me who’s to be next
let me go sharpen my knives
I guess my skin is far too pale
for even just one of your tails
does not mean I’m a slave in my own right
just that my master is out of sight
but not out of mind
my taxes paid but still, he robs me blind
how can you compare one suffering to another?
- you can’t each due is fulfilled upon death
mine is an absent lover
and yours a pound of flesh.

You would never know me
Until you endured
Ludicrous hours of gunshots
Bombshells dropping
Soldier wailing
And metal clashing
The isolation that was chain up around me
Engulfing my very existence into a void flooded with filtered silence
Constantly changing, consistently growing
Louder
Sharper
Fiercer
Growing
More and more
Till i cried once more
A silent scream
Within a dream
Under a bunker under a war
Where no one thought a child was stored.
You would never know me
For the monster i was born.

The anxious Toddler,
***** her right thumb;
The News has just ended,
and soon they will come.
~
But they will not lay down,
'neath her Mickey Mouse sheets;
They'll take her pure innocence,
and she'll get no sleep.
~
The things that are done,
to this Child of five;
Will stay with this wee one,
for the rest of her life.
~
When they are finished,
having her their own way;
She hugs the pink walls,
feeling ***** and ashamed,

Torture
(ˈtôrCHər)

Torture, the infliction of severe physical or mental pain
or suffering for a purpose, such as
coercing a confession, or inflicting punishment.

Torture
(ˈtôrCHər)

Making me pay everyday,
By loving someone else that treats you well
For hurting you and breaking you
The way I did

❝i
love
you❞
even with the
bandaids,
bleeding,
bruises from beatings
and so i found that
our love was fleeting

what
cursed
words
leave the mouth
******* and cornered
fear quickens the pace
with
many ways to be tortured

❝i
love
you❞
you say
now
do those words
have truth
because a lie
would not be kind
at all