I’d rather be loved than be wanted
A desire of me means something you need
Something for me to provide or a deed
To help or to guide, inspire or drive
You may want my money
You could need my time
But what if I’m busy?
Or what if I’m tired?
What if I don’t want to fulfil your desire?
Then you won’t want me
But you won’t let me be
You’ll tear me down further
Until I provide what you need

But to be loved, no requirements? Could set my soul free

I just open myself to the pain
Like a rotten wound that never heals
And my cursed soul can never rest,
Consuming itself from within.

My tired eyes have cried so much,
But my silent scream was never heard.
How could I ever think that I could win
On this unfair battlefield which I call life?

The Universe laughs at my stubbornness,
While throwing me back to the ground.
My rotten soul surrenders with a pity song
Searching for what's left of it.

"my body is tired with torn hands
I want to be perfect, more and more
but nothing changes, it only ever hurts"

"when will you be happy?"

"never... I live miserably,
wanting to work myself to exhaustion
waiting for death's release of this worthless vessel
that hates me deeply
perishing underneath dirt and pebble
no one will want me, need me
I will be forgotten and my ideals of perfection soon to be rotten"

Down a path where arteries will meet the scythe.
Deceased silhouettes suffocating in defeat.

A spark struggles to illuminate the way before the feet.
cloaked in disbelief, conversing with grief.

Climbing an empty ladder,
dreams clustered beyond reach.
With worn bones aiming to reach beyond the known peak.

i don’t care  
i might be afraid
but i don’t care
it won’t matter
when i won’t be

waking up leaves me exhausted
i don’t even have the energy
to want to finish this
what do i have energy for

nothing.

nothing at all

let me decompose
allow me to wipe away the things
that make me want to die

i cannot allow this to eat me alive
today it may win
tomorrow i can try again