as I lay down my head
my phone next to me
on the bed
your text
vibrates across the mattress springs
like a technological tinnitus
inside my ear
my consciousness
you want to talk
but not like that
just to make an unarguable point
guilt ridden acronyms
miss-spelt accusations
and inappropriate emojis
convey your emotions
with a twisted sarcastic humour
interlinked with your vent
you know that from the safety of 4G
it aggravates me
I’m bored with it all
too much to even reply
it would make more sense
if you weren’t
abusing me from the spare room

There once was man and a scholar
Seeing a woman though he'd rarely call her
She'd text and want more
But he thought it a chore
What a ******-up commitment teetotaller

hello, i have a crush on u. 2 years now.
youre the cutest when u r wearing your
glasses hehe

i have loved you since you were 16.

March 3, 2017. At lab. Your hair is long.
You're wearing a white shirt.

July 10, 2017. You're making a poem.
Your eyes… I fell in love with those eyes
of yours.

November 14, 2017. There are no words
to express my love for you. I love you.

Hey, juliana, cheer the **** up. you're
worth it.

I miss wrapping my arms around your
waist.

I’m sorry for all of the pain that I caused.
You deserved a better end to high
school.

I'm still missing you every day.

I still wish that someday we'll see each
other again, I really want that museum
date.

If one day you ever find this just wanna
let you know that I still love you and I
always will.

I’m not sure how to love anyone else but
you. Can we try again?

you made quarantine really fun for me.
thank you for all of the wonderful
memories :)

you said you’d let me know if you ever
thought less of me. you never did. you
just left.

Don't forget to love yourself & always
choose to be happy :)

i can't get over you and it's been almost
5 years since we last saw each other :(

Hey, Juliana!! Hey, self!! I know it's hard
but please keep going. Everything will
be okay soon :)

He’s ok. Just tryna keep him sober. He
deserves to be happy so that’s my goal.
Take care ***

I hope the kid is doing fine.

I hope you're doing well. Always
remember to be happy. Always put a
smile on your face.

I hope you're happy wherever you are.
You'll always be my greatest love.

i love you so much momma u deserve
the whole world <3

I will try to write
as often as I can she said
sounding as though some grand letter
would arrive through the post
in her best copper plate script
but she actually meant
that she would text
an off the cuff half arsed
comment on the state of her life
at that actual moment
accompanied by pictures
if I was lucky
I almost told her not to bother
but then if I did
I'd probably never hear
from her at all

When you message

Your name appears

they see my smile

But inside... my chest, Tense


I attempt to inhale
The air thickens
My lungs like Stone...
Chilling to the Bone

Your Phone silent... Do you wonder why?

What do I say? What will be the conclusion?

Delusion?

There is nothing truly more repetitive ,
or usual or strange to me,
except for the fact that I may see you personally,
hold you closer to me,
feel you as the wind feel the warmth of a star,
I want that moment,
I want you to understand this,
I want you to gaze me like a rounded apple,
to bite or not to bite me.

All my life,
I have felt the nearest joy,
when I feel for the first time,
this hidden interest,
the emotions I can no longer touch,
in the slightest hint,
in moments that are reminiscing,
this gentle and sad face of mine,
in the lively tone of your voice,
in the surge of memories,
that anticipate all the love I can give for you,
I remain true to myself,
I remain lively and loud,
vivid to sense that what life can offer me,
is the quiet correspondence of affection,
your subtlety, your buoyant character,
knowing that I secretly love you.

I sense that,
I have a great deal to give:
my eyes, my lips, my body,
it is all there is for you to consume,
I want your arms with me,
the stars along the hills,
how dreamily I fog my gaze somewhere else,
just to listen to you talking,
desiring to hold you,
and this eagerness,
to come live where you are,
to ascend,
the unconditional movements of my heart,
flowing in your body,
like a dear fire in an open space,
like grains of sand kissing your skin,
like a flower sitting on your ears,
like a song taming your lips,
ah, just to nestle myself with you,
and into my naked hands,
I bring you the transparent serenity,
the blue sky in its untrammeled thought.

I know the river runs dry after it has fallen asleep.
Death is not our alliance, life is.
So, between my arms,
you emerge like a hand,
and the way to celebrate it is to embrace you,
with long kisses on your cheeks,
because your heart is a garden of illumination,
plated with violets and lavenders.

It is so nice to come home to a person,
who has been there all along.
It is so nice to have been cared by a warm hand,
by a heart that feels so tender,
like a pillow resting on my head.
Sometimes, a home is not a structure, it is a person.
Sometimes, you live inside a person.
Sometimes, she lives inside you.
Sometimes, she is outside looking in.