your unshaven face rests on my shoulder.
your hot breath sends shivers and little speed bumps on the surface of my tanned skin.
the unforgiving sun stinging us and reminding us of the cool breeze around us.
you smile at my lips and my creases deepen tempting me to smile more at you as if you knew what I was thinking.
your messy hair falls on your forehead and I move it, trailing kisses from the top of your face, right down to your mouth.
we say nothing.
we've said nothing for 2 hours, but our traveling eyes are having conversations irreplaceable by our mouths.
we can't get any closer, and contact wont allow us to get any closer than we are.
we hear each other breathing and it reminds us that we're living. and dying doesn't frighten us, because right now feels like forever.
your lip biting and slight looks up doesn't shift my gaze, as if staring at you has been innate.
your washed out jeans and faded black shirts lay on the floor like my dignity and composure.
loving you something terrible and letting you sink in.

That's the thing
about teens
today.

*We're no longer invincible.

the shards of my shattered blood line
piercing into my lungs
tearing it open

letting me bleed my sadness out.

i bleed slowly;
                       i bleed,
                                    i bleed.

your vibrant persona is too much for me to handle,
it feels choking at times.

but nonetheless i am attracted
like a moth to a flame.
i know it is dangerous,
i know it will only end in my execution,
but i go in anyway
orchestrating my own death.

i plummet into your aura,
i take it in.

and a small part of me believes
that you even had the smallest inch of care for me.

but you don't.
it's someone else it always is.

it's always the 'it's not you it's me' crap;
or the 'i don't feel the same' torture.

nonetheless it breaks me,
and i break in silence.

the saddest part is i thought i had a chance with you.

joker.

what a joke.

it can't happen,
it will never happen.
and that is all there is for me.

there is no yes or inbetween.
it is always no,
a resounding no.

but it's not your fault.
i know i am an ogre,
a monster with two minuscule eyes,
with my pores oozing acid,
and my mouth spewing fire.

my fiery temper restricts all suitors,
i know i cannot be tamed.

maybe that is why.

i am boundless and limitless and that may be intimidating.
but
but i am human,

and every human has that one boundary and
that one
limitation.

that was meant to be you,
meant to be you for me.

but you have someone else,
someone prettier and better.

so be happy, because that's all i want;

but for now,

i bleed slowly;
i bleed,
i bleed.

you cut open my core and threw my insides at the walls
with all of your indecencies and heedless galaxies
that i'd try to explore, but you kept closed, and gravity;
my feet on the ground as they should be,
as musicians and stupid poets like me
dedicate promises we're positive don't change how you love.

and i figure you to be my supernova.

this abominable disaster you've caused transformed me into
the ink blots splattered and messy and unconstitutional cracks
in the ceiling that we think to fix but never quite have enough spackle.
and i'm **** at sewing, but you force me to stitch myself back
together for days and weeks until i said,
"i want you out of my life"
even though we both knew i was lying and desperate to feel
something because ****** romantics like me
want hermia and lysander,
not demetrius and helena.

and we can't think without the noise of each other and the
constant loose ends that fray,
and time and time again imissyouimissyouimissyou.

and my silence, your silence is the loudest heartbreak i know,
and beethoven never had these problems because he could feel
and he knew that fire and hearts do not mix,
and neither should deceit,
but pretty boy you tore out my heart with burning hands and kept
it in your back pocket with all the others,
and i never said otherwise because at least i was something to you
even if our hearts beat to different drums,
and explosions,
and cracked ribs that you'd like to take because my heart wasn't enough and you needed pieces of me to make yourself feel whole.

and i wish i was a little more selfish because i'm stuck with a
carcass of my old self and the buzzards don't care of the
shell i am now; made up of frozen sno cones, and your eyes.

"I never expect to see perfect work,
from an imperfect man."

This is a quote by Alexander Hamilton.
Alexander Hamilton undeniably,
one of the smartest men that's ever lived.

It is shocking how much we forget this.
Man, is not perfect.
Wait, excuse me, it's 2018.
People are not perfect.
Your teachers,
your parents,
your supervisors,
they easily forget this.

And it goes without saying that those people,
are imperfect as well.
When will we realize,
that people make mistakes?
But more importantly,
when will we figure out,
how to forgive.

Forgive me please,
if I forget to take out the trash.
Forgive me please,
if I do not do well on a test.
Forgive me please,
if I misbehave.

Forgive us please,
if we mess up.

Beer Cans
I remember the afternoon we spent alone in the woods
Putting bullets in beer cans
With amber filtered through the green
As if someone had taken reality and cocooned it in spider silk, softened.
But we didn’t embrace that softness, just left it hovering in the atmosphere
Because I was teaching you how to defend yourself.
That’s how I got you to tell me about the things your dad made you do as a little boy
And  impressed you because I understood why you cried for a week after.
That’s when I told you about my parents, a money marriage with fondness on a good day.
I remember the jokes you made when you kept missing
And I never forgot how your hands trembled-
You hated firing that gun, even at beer cans,
But I wanted to make sure you could defend yourself
So you told me I had a Lady Liberty complex,
And I said no;
I had a Mamma Bear complex.
To which you replied that I didn’t have an interest in being your mother,
I wanted to be your safety and your fresh start; your guiding beacon of strength.
And maybe you’re right. Lady Liberty and the Independence Day.
I won’t forget you as long as I live.
[Rest of the poem isn’t here, but is on Medium.]