It took a bit of courage
Whiskey and Cigar
I spent the day working on it
Sitting in my local bar

I planned it out precisely
I'd drop by her place by eight
I kept building up my courage
I made sure I wasn't late

She let me in and kissed me
I lit a smoke and grabbed a drink
She went into the bedroom
I had five minutes more to think

I poured myself another
Put the smoke upon the glass
I went into the bedroom
And then it came to pass

It started with three little words
She started as my friend
And now again, three little words
Put this friendship at an end

The three words were I love you
And those words made her cry
The three words now were different
Sorry, and goodbye

I left the glass upon the table
The cigar, I left that too
I left and she was crying
It was what I had to do

The courage that I needed
Had expired as I spoke
It was resting on her table
A glass of whiskey and a smoke

from a dry split pod,
a lot of winged seeds explode;
a future forest

I have two best friends
That my boyfriend doesn't seem to like
They have my attention all throughout the day
He only gets me in the night time
I choke all day
And don't breath until theres no light
Am I real around them
Or my boyfriend
Time will find out
Whether I'm honest with myself

I am torn in two, divided yet whole.
Split in half, I hold both parts of my soul.
I thought I knew the answer— I don't know.
Don’t count on it— It’s decidedly so.

I should make the choice— we can never choose
Let’s flip a coin, heads they win, tails we loose.
—We lost— Let’s shake the ball for counsel
With out a doubt! —Or is it quite doubtful?

Yes or no, or maybe so, we will see.
Yes, I know, just let it go, we are free.
Are we wrong, or right, is it day or night, tell me.

Am I torn, divided, or split in two?
There’s a difference?— Oh if only I knew.
The voices in my head say they know what to do.

1/28/19

Each passing day
Is like a dream
And not in a good way
Like you think it may be
Dream as in blurry
Like your eyes when you cry
Muffled sounds, numb parts
As if you're on drugs
My brain is getting foggy;
I cant write. Stop.
The voices are saying I'm not good enough
The voices are yelling, they're deafening now
They're saying I'm crazy
What are you on about?
You're ugly, and stupid.
They can see it from afar.
Nobody likes you.
You're not how they are.
You're weird and you're sad.
You often get mad.
You lash out the most,
At the ones you love.
That's why they leave you.
Please, just shut up
I'll always be with you.
I am you.
Well, ****

I am torn in two, divided yet whole.
Split in half, I hold both parts of my soul.
I thought I knew the answer— I don't know,
Do I dive in head first or take things slow?

We should try being friends first— her smile.
She laughs— a half of me sees an aisle
I’m too quick to jump— no, too slow to move
I’m too sick —Make a choice!— Will I ever choose.

Yes or no, or, yes and know? We’ll see,
Or maybe we never will, please, tell me.
Someone, anyone, will I be set free?

Am I divided, split, or torn in two?
Is there a difference? I wish I knew.
Oh, for crying out loud,what do I do?

1/17/19

Her calm face hid the enchanting smile i was used to,,
Her indifferent face hid the emotions i had come to know,
Her eyes, cold and calculating, hiding the paradise i enjoyed,,

I never intended to hurt her.,
Her fragile heart,,
Her pure emotions,,
If only i could turn back the hands of  time,
But i know better,
Its no use crying over spilt milk,,
I can only wait for her wrath.