Can you fill the position as my outlet
as my spout
my bucket is filling up,
I am spilling over
can you wade through the knee deep water
is it my anger?
can you put up through the stupid
“how are you”'s
Sure,
you can stay
if you can be a pathway out of the dead end street
that leads me to your creek
if you can be the sun ray that blinds me,
so I’ll put the visor down
the first spark that starts the fire
the first poem out of too many
you’re the hole in the wall that’s inside my chest;
let me out

and now i realize,
i don’t want happiness 

anymore

i just want less loneliness

nothing more.

I didn't want to be your second option.
I didn't want to be someone you never noticed.
I never wanted to be left behind.

But i can still see myself
coming to you
even if i'm aware
you will not choose me
over her.

You come to me,
you only see
my existence
when you need
something.

And I hate myself
for hoping that,
you will need
something
from me.

Somethimes, I am afraid
that these voices
inside my head
will leave me in the end.

Because I am more afraid that
in that moment,
Loneliness will haunt me
all over again.

A sudden feeling of sadness,
voices and screams that are field with hatred.

Heart that beats so fast,
lungs that beg for air.

Hands are shaking,
feeling of wanting to vanish.

My thoughts wont leave,
these voices stay.

I don't know what to do,
I feel so blue.

Feeling of self-doubt,
where is the way out?

She is the sun but she doesn't know
She looks at herself into something low
but you can see, how much she glows
so bright, i hope she knows.

When the breath is heavy like a fog, the hard part is seeing

Feet won’t move, no matter the strength being used

Teeth being cracked by the tension

All of it becoming lost to time

Matter and then ash

Then ash to the winds

Skinned ghosts and spilled ink
In a sack of flesh
My very own.

I’ve felt it stir inside.
Not every day, but it’s there.
Ominously growing
And eating my insides.

It’s something deep,
Like water, it causes ripples
And lets me drown
In it, too.

It's gripping me. At times,
I wake up at 3 in the morning,
Drenched in sweat
Wondering what it is.

And a part of me, which
Is immersed in sadness, slowly
Whispers back,
“It’s no one but
Me
Me
Me”