I am not here now.
Not available,
Absent. Not present.

Hijacked,
Held hostage,
******* in a tangled web
Of locks and chains.

Trapped,
Houdini like,
In a cage and thrown
Into the turbulent waters
Of my shark infested mind.

****** in by a
Whirlpool of stories,
My thoughts spin
Epic myths,
Fantastical tales,
Dark fantasies and
Cheap thrillers.

Each teasing,
taunting and
goading me
To disconnect,
Shutdown,
To flee from
This moment.

This tender,
Aching moment.
This unashamed longing,
Drenched in the desire
To be penetrated by
Your presence,
To free fall into
The lap of the Beloved.

But you, like me,
Are not here now,
Not available,
Absent. Not present.

My brain is a bowl of spaghetti
I can be turned with a greedy hand
And a rusty fork
Eating my thoughts
From an unwashed container

Please stop eating.

I don’t think I can afford
To lose another fork-full
    another strand of memory
Let alone
Be mixed up
With the other ingredients
Poured into my skull

It seems I’m getting sloppy.

Refills are impossible
Because the more I try to stuff inside
The more the contents overflow
And the threads of words
Come spilling out
When I beg them not to

Well.

I hate contradicting myself
But without anyone eating
And without room for refills
The nutrients inside
Will begin to rot
And disintegrate
Into nothing but molded mulch
So everything I try to retain
Will be useless
    and inedible

The filth accumulates.

Insanity will be the smell of my mind
It will control my every action
A single whiff
Strong enough
To lower the IQ of a genius

I’m losing myself.

I’d try to explain it
In understandable terms
But it seems the correct words
Were lost
    when I was bitten into
And scattered
    when I overflowed

This is what I tried to describe before:

My head is a box of noodles
I can be dented with a pinky finger
And a dull knife
Tasting my dreams
From a…
        Hm.
    Sorry.
What were we talking about?

My belly is filled with the sweet spaghetti
Helps to releive you of your regretti.
Eat spaghetti when you are sore
Its tomato sauce will fill your core.
When you are have woes or filled with sorrow
Spaghetti will carry you to tomorrow.
An amazing euphoric meal
So good you will have to kneel.
The waiter brings me a second bowl
I need more to feel whole.
the bowl arrives but alas,
the garlic bread seems to have passed.
The garlic bread is an essential piece
give to me to maintain the peace!
I wake up in a holding cell
with blood on my hands
it seems I killed all the mans.
I'm given life without parole
seems ill be spending time in the hole.
But I have no regretti
for I did it all for the spaghetti.

It's times like these when you look to the rest of your life and say, "what am I supposed to do with this", so you throw it at a wall and see if it sticks. Because life is far too long and far too hard, and at a snail's pace we don't get very far.... it's like regression to childhood; being lost in a large neighborhood, and uncertain of which turn to take- that's every **** choice you make. There's no way to know how to make it better, we just keep walking and getting wetter as the storm gets harder and we get farther from finding answers......

The spaghetti test in terms of life, I suppose, a way to see if all this strife is worth the outcome we seek. Because life is definitely NOT for the meek. Those who abandon heart will never see the light, for life requires such a fight. But  unlike pasta growing soft in water, if we wish to persist we have to be stronger- and throwing life to see if it sticks only works if we cease and desist at trying to remain hard and fast, and pushing up against coming last.

Men of Reason: bold, progressive
hammer wielders, depth resounders –
shout from the helm your Godless missive
as our Bible-lifeboat flounders.

Send that Flying Spaghetti Monster,
our imaginary friend,
to the myth-conception dumpster:
let the Bronze Age folktales end.

Make the idols bow to Science.
Your progressive task: to mock –
seek that end in brave defiance.
Down with the shepherd’s useless flock !

Laser-focused human reason
serves to clarify the matter,
strips the symbols from the season,
superstitious tales to shatter.

We, mere rubes in need of crutches,
simple children, willing tools –
must be rescued from the clutches
of the fables preached to fools.

Seamless garments, bushes burning:
are but schemes for fleecing sheep…
We are plebes devoid of learning;
rouse our silly souls from sleep!

Flood us with your noontide wisdom
decimate the weaker link.
Blow away our card-house kingdom
show us Christards how to think.

Then, like you, we shall no longer
cling to ignorance and lies.
Missing links make chains yet stronger,
dragging fairies from the skies.

We shall join you in assurance
that there is no great beyond
thus no need for fire insurance
clergy, staff or magic wand.

We shall celebrate together
joyful, freed from superstition
endless, godless sunny weather:
non-existent non-perdition.

Having thus improved the light
and magnified Man’s modern day,
God’s angels will expire in fright;
the Lord shall meekly fade away.

Love goes for his guns,
            *But Apathy's too **** quick.

(SE01EP01)

Showing up late
Was worth the wait
I just can't stand it
I was made to believe
Low battery
What can I do?
Patience
How long?

"Please be seated."
According to my legs

But then from afar
I've just seen a face
And I realize
I'm high and lucky
The good times
That night was;
We all had this ten
When I almost reached heaven
We all had this ten
Maybe we should do this more often

In the dark
Listening to linkin park

In the steam
browsing dank memes

-break-

rickity rickity
bickity bickity

i am from hungary

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@spahgetti