I love me.

I just don't think
Anyone else does.

I love me.

I often ponder and struggle
Being decisive is hard and
I tend to freeze up
In times I need to make up my mind
I tend to lose my way

The fear and anxiety
Of a future that may not be
Of dreams that may never come true
And ambitions that end up in failure
It often leaves me paralyzed

I start to regret choices
Before they are made
And I mourn
The opportunities forever lost

Things will never change
If you choose to remain stagnant
A simple fact and
A cruel truth

Moving forward requires courage
It requires a leap of faith
And the ability to believe in yourself
Thing’s I have long since forgotten

Who could have thought
Seeking change could be this hard
I cannot stop but feel burdened
By the person I’ve become
And by the person I aspire to be

“What do you want?”

I am
the double braids;
the sunshine in the tutu dress
The linear path
The yellow line
Didn't lead where it was supposed to
(where I thought it would)
I was just trying to catch up

From the McDonald's to the escalator
From the escalator to the McDonald's

I am
An ever-changing labyrinth; A sunflower
Caught in the dead of winter
Suffocating in a sea of strangers
Home isn't where it's supposed to be

From the McDonald's to the escalator
From the escalator to the McDonald's

I know
I can't afford to;
I know
It's best I don't:
Lose my ears
Lose my head;
Lose my feet;
Lose my breath;
But they're not where they're supposed to be
And I can feel myself lose my eyes;
What happened to the linear path?
Where is the yellow line?

Third time’s the golden ticket
Get me out of here
Please

From the McDonald's to the escalator
From the escalator to the McDonald's

Ears heard you call my name
Head spun
Feet pushed against marble
Deep breath

Into your warm, comforting embrace
Lift me off the path
Show me the yellow line
Take me where I'm supposed to be

I am
The path less traveled
The yellow line unwinding

“A Happy Meal”

Epilogue
______

Little Miss Sunshine
Sit awhile
Happy Meals turn into ice coffees
We'll wait
No need to worry
We'll be found
Eventually

"Can I steal a fry?"

Typically greeted with clanking dishes and crumbs on the counter,
this week, I was alone.
Cleared out was my eclectic apartment;
it was just me who I greeted at the end of the day.
I didn't speak out loud as I would,
but my mind had a relentless narrative
of look at this and what about that.

It was natural,
it was lovely,
and it was calm.

Leave me alone for too long
and dim shadows start to look like ghosts.
But make way for me some space,
and I flourish in my own company.

Reminiscent on eras?
Or errors?
Reminiscent on the past,
Always eyeing the past,
The future,
What could have been,
What could possibly be,
But never a glance at the now.

“The now,”
As she always preached.
“Be in the now,”
She’d whisper,
As I angst over then and later.

I now look back on her,
Back on them all, really,
All of the eras in which they are placed,
All of the errors of that were committed,
And see it all, them all, as clear as crystal.

So many jewels of then,
So many… “hers” to treasure,
Yet here I am, in “the now,”
Wishing for nobody to fill that vacancy,
Nobody to hold that candidacy,
Because how can you love again,
When you haven’t truly loved before?

Nostalgic of an error, lost in eras,
That got whisked away, in the wind of life,
Dreaming of… “what will be,”
Reflecting on… “what could have been,”
Failing to… embrace the freedom,
To laugh, for a change,
After so long of being their court jester.

By my lonesome,
I worry not remotely,
It’s my sole duty, to be of duty,
To myself and myself,
Alone.