slumber
oh how i wish to paint it golden
let me find peace in nothingness
find the missing amity i'm desperate for

slumber
always weeping without it
please come to me soon
i might go mad, keep me from going lunatic

slumber
i slowly fall into your arms
i trust you more than anything else
don't let me lose my wings when i hold your hand

slumber
you hold me even more tight than before
my bones numb and skin blue 
quite the hostage, isn't it?

slumber
you ripped my wings off and took me under yours
it felt so much better, goodbye sweet joy
i now am dependent on something that worsens me, but i believe it's for the better.

don't.
and i mean don't point them out, 
you know what i'm talking about.

time's up. 
you can stop looking now, 
i promise you there's a better view. 

stop.
don't touch them, don't touch me, 
they're not braille nor are you blind.

shut up. 
not a word comes out of that nasty mouth, 
you don't care so stop acting like it. 

no. 
i will not be answering questions, 
my past is not your business. 

quit.
i hear you whispering about them, 
is every detail really that important?

yes. 
some are fresh, some are old, 
i told you to stop. 

please stop.

i can't climb out
of the hollow.
small victories, they say,
take pleasure in them,
before they slip
through your lungs
like air that won't stay.

but everywhere i turn,
darkness throws a fit.

half a book done,
thirty days clean—
the kind of milestones
that make me feel... me.
instead
i sit like a ghost
beneath the frog’s ****,
waiting for tomorrow
as if it's a fresh start,
not full of uncertainty.  

nothing happens.

i stare at the screen,
binge never have i ever
until my eyes bleed—
but it doesn't help.
nothing does.
heaviness lingers
like a secret kept,
as i wait for time to pass.

all i do is wait.
for a meeting,
for a friend,
to hold that ****** chip
in my hand—
all i do is wait.
not because i'm strong.
but because i'm so ****
tired sometimes
to let go.

A heavy shadow falls on my face.
Another dark cloud following me today.
"Please, not again, I kinda wanna stay."
"It's not for you, you won't last another day."

My heart seems hefty, rotted by decay.
"Can you hear that? My whispers. What do they say?"
I shut it out, hide it, delay more pain.
It smiles back.
"Not another day."

I doubt myself.
"Maybe there's no more light."
I start to give up.
It grins in delight.
It's closer now, growing, eager to say,
"you won't last another day."

Now alone, hidden, stowed away.
Blade in my hand.
Tears on my face.
Blood pooling.
Opened poison from it's case.
I say to myself.
"Not another day."

I hate coffee
but hear me out

What if
we drove off
Nowhere, anywhere
just us?

We would stop at a gas station
Buy five dollars worth of coffee
We would wake up our bodies
Since the night will have just begun

Sure, the bitterness attacks
The neon lights blind
Yeah, the darkness out there terrifies
The breeze sends shivers down our spines

But

What if
we stayed home
Let the fog take over
alone?

We would lock ourselves up
Grab the weapons in our cabinets
We would wake up our bodies
Wishing for the night to end

The sting attacks
The bathroom lights blind
The darkness in here terrifies
The fear sends shivers down our spines

I hate coffee
but hear me out

What if
it's our way out?
The blade is calling
but the road is louder

So let's drive off
Nowhere, anywhere
just us

Because yeah,
I hate coffee
but I hate the pain more.

~

Deep red like roses
It flows down my arm
Its warmth the comfort
Of hugs never felt

For a moment I'm glad
to be alone

if we close our eyes and i clasp
my hands together really tight, we can
pretend that i’m 7 again

so embarrassed to tell gram that i wet the bed
i smile and nod
through the wetness down my legs

nobody’s home to tuck me in
in a minute i’ll have to get up and take a shower, and then i’ll see
the blood.

every car that’s driving by slows down by our house
the drivers rubberneck into our family room
& peer over the kitchen counter to stare at my naked body,
a fender ****** on route 30

traffic will be backed up for miles

this accident has scars on its arms
this accident has shaky hands
this accident can’t look you in the eye when it says
i’m sorry

in 20 minutes, it’ll all be down the drain
i will send grace pictures
of me when i got my wisdom teeth out
and reassure her that the swelling won’t be that bad

after i clean the knife we can act
like nothing ever happened, until
the next time that i hurt someone
other than myself

There is no knife that cuts my skin

Just too many bright reflections

Good words are screaming from within

And blood might help confessions

I’ve read so many similar words on here

In some weird way that fills me with fear

I can understand it’s romantic, I guess

But for once in my life I wish to hear less

Little red drops, they won’t help the pain

Big chunky bracelets on your wrist

It makes you feel like you’re insane

Yet still you remain, and still you insist