As 2023 cometh to an end
Thankful am I, to have many a friend
Who have been there for me
Through an emotional rollercoaster of a year
Some of whom, are as dear
As a family member or a cousin
And who ensure that I don't sin!

Truly, this has been a tornado of a year
Many occasions there have been
When I have shed many a tear
Sometimes, the grass has been green
Other times, a mess of overgrown weeds
However, planted have been the seeds
For a new beginning
Though a lot of work is still pending!!

As the countdown for 2024 begins
Hoping am I, for a lot of things
To be cleared, are my dues
To be overcome, are my work blues
To be conquered, are my fears
With the help of my dears
To be fought, are my insecurities
To be handled, all are uncertainties
To be managed, is stress
To be bought, is a new dress
To be controlled, is my intake of sugar
Even if my problems get bigger and bigger
To be developed, is confidence
To be taken, are many a chance
To be less dependent on, are people
Else, get caught I might, in a tangle
And finally, must I be happy as I am
Including not giving a ****
About what the society may or may not think
While I enjoy a drink!

Just like every other year
To 2024, do I look forward
Hopefully, it may bring a reward
For all my sincere efforts
Even if I haven't followed all the dos and don'ts
You may see a new Ashwin
More capable of handling pain
I may even find love
Even if it doesn't seem possible right now
Finally learn, may I, how to say 'No'
Though the process may be slow
However, fear I need not
If I follow Jesus' teachings a lot
Because, he is the most important person
In my entire life
And will always save me when there is strife
To be learned from him, are many a lesson

Finally, to 2023, is it time to say goodbye
And leave all my anxieties high and dry
Dear 2024, do I welcome thee
With arms wide open
Let this be the beginning
Of a new innings
May we all smile more often
Even when not required
May all our pain be buried
And finally, may we all love each other
Including becoming friends across borders
Wish you all a very Happy New Year in advance!
Let us begin the dance!!
Amen!! Hallelujah!!

The smell of cigarettes surrounds me
As I climb the steps towards the doors
Of your home away from home.
My mother meets me at the door
And I sign the visitors register
Struggling to remember your room number.

3003

As I walk down the corridor
I am warned that you look tired.
I know how it's going to end and I’m somewhat prepared.
I see you, and my heart breaks.
I can’t stay for long for fear of exposing my emotions to Grandad
So I leave the room and escape the building tears streaming down my face.

The smell of cigarettes surrounds me
As I realise this could be our last meet
As I realise that I didn’t tell you, I loved you.

One. Go to the U-Haul store. They haven't run out of boxes yet. Get a few medium, a few large. Don't forget the tape.

Two. When you begin to pack, start with the largest items first. The blanket you watched the stars with. The letters. The books.

Three. Tape everything down. Don't let anything out. Tape it several times actually. Let him hold the box closed while you tape.

Four. When you can't fit everything in your tiny boxes throw the rest in the car. Pile everything in the trunk. Every photograph, every memory, every good day.

Five. When everything is gone, sweep. Be rid of any crumb, flake, dust, or morsel that remains. Sanitize each surface with antibacterials of course. It must look as if you were never there. We were never there. Now it is empty.

Six. Bring everything to the storage center. Remind him he doesn't need a 10 by 10. Load it in. Lock it shut. Now there are no possessions. Now there is just you.

Seven. Obsess over anything you may have forgotten. Focus on something. Did you get everything? You don't have gloves! You need gloves. Go buy gloves.

Eight. Write him a note. Rewrite it. Write it again. Try to say everything you'll want to say for the next few years. Repeat every memory from the last six months and write them down. Repeat. Make up the ones you'll never get in your head.

Nine. Drive to the airport but don't go inside. Stand on the curb. Give him a mask. Lysol wipes. Gloves. Suitcase. ID. Note.

Ten. Say goodbye. Hold him with every last bone in your body. Cling to his shirt. Try not to cry. Smile. Hold his hand for the last time. Plant a kiss on his lips. Remember his eyes. Draw them in your head. Run your fingers through that new haircut again. Kiss his ears. Kiss his nose. Hold him again.

It is hard to let someone go when you still love them. It is hard to watch conversations dwindle. It is hard to never hear him call you his star. It is harder to watch little pieces of us say goodbye every day. Because while the whole world is six feet apart he is one thousand one hundred and eighteen point five miles from you.

So take down your photos. Put those in a box too. Put away the letters. Fold up his shirts. Don't go to the places you went to together. They're closed anyways.

11. It is hard to let someone go when you still love them. Try not to love them anymore.

Can I hold my tongue
In the face of your absence?
Is it wrong to shy away
From the things I want to say?
When I know all I have is borrowed time
Is it wrong to keep you as mine?

There are far too many goodbyes for me,
though in its own moment, each has its place.
There’s infinite goodbye variety,
from “see you soon” to gone without a trace.

The polite wave goodbye across a crowd,
the goodbye of one fixed in distant gaze,
hopeless and anguished goodbyes cried aloud,
relieved goodbye a babysitter says.

But two goodbyes rip me apart inside—
no return or return I know not when.
Which is worse I had hoped not to decide,
until I said the worse goodbye again.

Final goodbyes to one gone forever
hurt  less than “goodbye, love, till whenever.”

Lights dance across my vision
People sing and celebrate
Times moving for everyone
Except me
Ever since the day you left
Nothing has made sense
I try to smile it off
To have a good time
But deep down I know
You'll always be on my mind
Your flowing hair
Your smiling lips
Everything I could ask for
Nothing less
All I have now is a memory
Painful
Breaking in me
My heart aches
My eyes cry
Just like they did
The day we said
Goodbye

You inspire me day by day,
My heart flutters; can you feel it, hey?
Your smile makes me feel like a gay,
Happiness that soon will fade away

You’re the man I love to always pray,
But I’m annoying that’s what you say
It saddens me every day,
Maybe it’s time for me to walk away

How hard it is for me to stay,
When you don’t like me and that’s okay,
Let me think of you until today
Oh, I’ll end it now, by the way