Everyday is the same.
It's like the weeks are replaying
Every second every minute every hour.
I feel like i'm the only one that feels this way.
Why me?
Probably because I can't get a grip on time.
The clock ticks away the seconds
The seconds turn into minutes and so on.
The day goes by to fast.
That means everyday I feel like i'm growing colder.
The colder I get the less I don’t care what happens.
I feel like my body, soul, and mind are not mine.
Like someone else is taking over.
I feel like i'm submerged under water, but breathing.
Everyday I get more and more submerged.
Deeper and Deeper the pressure becomes unbearable.  
My chest gets so heavy.
Sometimes I feel my chest crack.
It's a pain that no one should feel.
A pain that people don’t understand.
I try to tell someone but my throat closes and I choke.
Suddenly my breathing gets thin and I start to shake.
Fear creeps in and gets comfortable.
The home that felt like silk, turns into hell.
I run so fast that my legs can’t keep up.
They break and snap in half trapping me in my own mind.  
That's okay right?
Walking through school with a mask on hoping no one sees your porcelain face.
Hoping that when I open my mouth the truth will stay locked away.
Hoping that I can hold My tears back when someone asks if i’m okay.
The same tears that bring comfort at 3am.
If they bring comfort then why hold them back.
They feel like acid seeping out of my eyes burning down my cheeks.
They leave a memory that no one wants.
So that's when I feel like i'm drowning.
That moment that I can’t see light and i’m laying in the middle of a room that was once familiar.
The only light that I can see is dangerous.
I Stare at it and wonder what people would think If They saw the scars or scabs.
Would they ask if i'm okay or just look the other way.
Would they just pretend everything is okay.
When I lay in the middle of the room that was once mine I feel empty
An emptiness that hurts.
Have you ever starved yourself.
Remember the pain that you felt in your gut?
That's what the emptiness feels like.
I’ll lay there till My body turns into a graveyard of broken bones.
My mind will be wondering around asking it self what happened.
My breath will blow dust up and turn into a tornado that swirls around my heart playing with the strings like a violin.
When the dust clears and the worst is over my heart aches.
I open my eyes to see nothing but darkness.
I've been left to wonder what I did wrong.
Left with no answer I search.
I get lost and colder than before.
You’ll think that I would die from hypothermia but I don’t
It seems like I can’t die.
Nothing can **** what's already walking dead.  
I wanna feel normal again.
Like when I was a kid.
I overlooked all the bad things and just lived.
Now I can’t miss one bad thing.
I don’t see the good things.
I only see the bad or terrifying things.
There's no inbetween.
Everything I try and see good everything just crashes down to remind me what's bad.
Just breath.
I have panic attacks often.
I had a really bad one once, I couldn’t breath.
I just layed in my bed and covered my mouth holding my breath because I didn’t want anyone to hear me.
I've done that so many times I can’t even recall what happened.
I try to do better but nothing works.
I pretend to feel okay but okay is getting harder to fake.
Fake it till you make it right?

If this world was a ship,
I don't want to be the captain.

I want to be the pirate.

i love you
and you may not love me

but at least
we're on the same sky